Heart of Gold
by ChelseaxQ
Summary: Dean Winchester works in a garage, he has good friends, a great brother and a past he's been running from for years. Castiel Milton is alone, and in poverty. He sells his body to keep himself off the street, he has lost the ability to trust others. These two men are brought together by a simple twist of fate and they find solace in each other amidst the cruelty of life. Will they f
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **So this is gonna be a long fic, I already have a good deal of it written so there won't be long periods with no updates. I plan on updating every Monday. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy it, thanks for reading.

I own nothing all rights belong to Kripke and the CW.

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><p>Chapter One<p>

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

― Martin Luther King Jr.

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><p>Dean Winchester wiped the grease from his hands with a tattered rag and tossed it onto the workbench on his left. He let down the hood of the car he'd been working on, a Pontiac with a bad transmission. It'd been a long and arduous job, but he'd at least finished before his shift ended. Bobby would give him hell if he hadn't. Bobby always gave him a hard time, not out of dislike or annoyance, it was just his way of showing affection. Bobby Singer had owned and operated Singer Auto for twenty years, and Dean had worked for him for five.<p>

Bobby was an old friend of Dean's father, how anyone could maintain a friendship with that man Dean didn't know. Dean didn't know much of anything about his father these days, it'd been years since he'd seen him. This fact troubled Dean less and less as the years wore on, there was really only one family member he was concerned with seeing. His younger brother, Sam was away at college. Dean had never seen him as happy as the day he'd got his acceptance letter to Stanford. Dean couldn't blame him for wanting to get out of the house, Dean only stayed as long as he did because of Sam.

He missed him though, every day, he'd never admit this fact to anyone, let alone Sam, but it was true. Dean walked to the sink on the far side of the garage and washed his hands more thoroughly than the rag would allow. He dried his hands and sighed, it had been a long day. He made his way into the lobby, turning off the lights as he went. He caught sight of Jo as he entered the lobby. Jo was Bobby's stepdaughter and worked as a receptionist at the garage. He smiled to himself as he saw her nodding off at her desk.

"Workin' hard, or hardly workin'?" he said as he approached the desk.

She jumped, clearly startled and scowled at him. "You need some new expressions," she said. "Yours are getting a little worn out."

"Hey, if it aint broke, don't fix it." Dean replied with a grin.

"Case in point." She said.

"Whatever," Dean said, miffed. "Where's the old man anyhow?"

"He left for the night, figured you could handle the tranny on that Pontiac."

"Yeah tell him thanks for the help, it was a pain in the ass." Dean retorted.

"You know how it goes, pain in the ass jobs for the pain in the ass." Jo said with a smirk.

"Is that how it is?" Dean asked affronted.

"That's how it is." Jo said. "Bobby said you'd be complainin' when you finished, and he says if you don't like it you can empty the grease pans from now on."

"Tell him I said the Pontiac was awesome," Dean said with a little too much enthusiasm. "I loved every second I spent under that hood."

"Yeah, that's what I thought you said." Replied Jo with a smile. She stood and began gathering her things together.

"Hey, you have a good night Jo." Dean said.

"Yeah, you too." She said with a wave. "See you tomorrow."

"See ya." Dean called behind him as he stepped through the door and into the rainy October evening. The wind whipped at his clothing, sending a chill through the several layers he wore. He walked to his car and got inside, grateful to be out of the wind.

Dean sighed contentedly as he started the engine. There were few things in the world that could truly make Dean feel better when he was having a shitty night. Sam was the first and his car was the second. A 1967 Chevy Impala, in immaculate condition, she was a cherry and Dean's baby. All sleek lines and polished chrome and not a smudge in the deep black paint job. She was a helluva ride, the kind of car that make people nervous when you drive by, just listening to the engine roar was like a religious experience. Dean adjusted the rear view mirror, catching sight of his reflection as he fiddled with it.

Dean was attractive by most everyone's standards, bright green eyes, perfectly sculpted lips, and a face delicately featured for a man of his profession and disposition. He was tall, 6 foot 2 inches, shorter than his kid brother though, a fact that Sam never let him forget. He had acquired a bit of a beer gut in the last few years, a little pudge that Jo enjoyed poking to irritate him. He kept his dirty blonde hair short and usually unstyled. He was strong and a skilled fighter, though he appeared genial and affable to those he knew. His sense of humor may have been a bit crude and childish, but it was genuine as was most things about him.

He pulled out of the parking lot and pointed his car in the direction of the apartment he'd had since Sam went off to college. Dean had left Lawrence, Kansas and his father and moved to Sioux Falls, South Dakota to take a job in Bobby's shop. It had been hard to leave Kansas, he thought about it more than he'd like to. His mind wandered back to his childhood as he drove home. Mostly what he missed was his mother, Mary. He had lost her in a house fire when he was four, his father was different after, no longer patient and kind to them. He began to drink heavily, and though he never put a hand to his boys, he came close more than a few times.

Dean had all but raised Sam and when he'd left for school it had left a void in Dean's life. Dean had filled it with work and the surrogate family he'd found with Bobby, Ellen, and Jo, but he couldn't deny he got lonesome sometimes. He'd try not to dwell on it, try to occupy his thoughts elsewhere, but the loneliness remained. Dean was stopped at a red light and yawned violently before the light turned green. He began driving again, but was stopped a moment later as he came upon a construction site, a water main down by the looks of it. A cop in a reflective vest, looking wearier than Dean felt held a detour sign and pointed the road to the left of him. Dean turned onto the road with a sigh, it was a roundabout trip that would put him back home later than he'd wanted.

He headed down a seedy looking street, hoping that this would be the only night he'd have to come this way. He drove for a few more minutes before he realized that he had never been to this part of town before and that he had no idea where he was. He paused at a stop light, it was ingrained in his male DNA to never ask for directions, but he was tired and wanted to go home. Reluctantly he began driving again, scanning the street for passersby. The street looked deserted and Dean slammed his hand down onto the steering wheel in frustration. He looked helplessly around him at the unfamiliar road signs and out of the corner of his eye he saw something.

On the street corner thirty yards in front of him, a man stood as if waiting for someone. He wore dark clothing and had been difficult to see in the dark, but he was there. Gratefully Dean drove to the end of the street and pulled up to the curb beside the man. The man approached the side of his car as it were Dean he had been waiting for. Dean rolled the window down and began speaking. "Hey buddy, do you know how to get to Pine St. from here? This damn detours got me all messed up."

The man had leaned down, resting his arms through the open window as Dean spoke. He wore a glittery black dress and much too much makeup. "You're the third person who's had to ask for directions tonight," he said. "I guess people aren't used to coming this way."

"I suppose not." Dean said looking around and seeing several other men and women lining the street. The realization hit him a moment later. As he looked around his gaze fell on a man on the opposite corner from him.

Unlike the others who swayed and swaggered confidently, this man held himself with more timidity, clearly uncomfortable. The man must have sensed his eyes on him, for he looked up a second later, meeting Dean's eyes across the street. Dean was stopped short, almost breathless the man had the most intense gaze he had ever seen. Eyes of an arresting and piercing blue met his and Dean's gaze took in the rest of him. He wore clothes too tight and much too revealing for the time of year, he had pale lips that looked chapped and a good deal of stubble covered his jaw. His hair was wildly disheveled, whether done intentionally or not, and his eyes were accentuated by a coat of mascara and eyeliner.

The man he was speaking to caught him looking. "He's new, but he's learning. People like em' shy." She said.

Dean tore his gaze from the man. "What's his name?" he asked without meaning to.

"Well, people call him Angel, but I don't know his real name. Why you lookin' for company, honey? Cause this girl's a helluva good time, less you like boys that is."

"No, thank you Sugar." Dean said politely. "Just the directions, thanks."

Dean listened absently as Sugar rattled off the directions back to the main road. Dean glanced once more at the man on the corner before pulling away from the curb. He purposefully kept his eyes on the road, and didn't look back once. He was distracted the rest of the way home, and there was a tightness in his chest he couldn't explain. His mind kept wandering back to the man on the corner, the blue eyed angel. It had been a long time since he had felt this way seeing someone, not since Lisa Braeden in high school, and that was nothing like this. He pushed the thoughts away viciously.

A moment later he pulled into his driveway, grateful to be home at last. He cut the engine and got out of the car, his back was beginning to ache. He walked slowly up the concrete path to his apartment. It was two stories and he had the ground floor, the upstairs neighbor was an older women who kept to herself and complained when he left the front porch light on. It was a brick building pleasant enough to look at and not much worse inside. Dean unlocked the door and entered the apartment, flipping on lights as he made his way through the sparsely furnished living room to the kitchen.

The kitchen may have looked a little dingy, but it was clean. The white linoleum held stains from previous tenants and the overhead light was dim. There was hardly any counter space and the stove was from the fifties, not that he did much cooking anyway. Dean opened the fridge and looked inside a little mournfully. It was empty save a few bottles of beer, leftover pizza and some condiments. He really needed to go grocery shopping. He grabbed the pizza and a beer and made his way back into the living room. He settled into the battered green armchair in the center of the room and turned the TV on. He watched an old boxing match and ate cold pizza.

A while later as he sipped his second beer and tried to focus solely on the TV, the phone rang. Dean, grateful for the distraction, grabbed the phone. It was almost 11 and he knew there was only one person who'd be calling so late. "Sammy." He called joyfully into the phone.

"How do you always know it's me?" Sam asked and he sounded beat.

"It's late and you should be studying." Dean said smiling to himself. "You're using me as a distraction."

"Yeah well, you try reading law books for ten hours straight and see how you feel." Sam said a little disgruntled.

"Aww somebody's a little grumpy today." Dean said with a chuckle. "Sides, I don't mind being a distraction. How ya been?"

"I've been alright. I don't think I've had a full night's sleep in months, but other than that, pretty good." Sam said.

"You'll live." Dean said with mock bravado. "How's Jess?"

"She's good too," Sam said. "I was thinkin' maybe next time I come to visit, I'll bring her along. I'd like you to meet her and Bobby too you know."

"Hey, this must be gettin' pretty serious then, bringin' her home to meet the family." Dean said with a grin.

"I guess it is." Sam admitted.

"Aww that's cute, Sammy's in love." Dean crooned.

"Shut up." Sam said a little too forcefully.

"I'd love to meet her, Sam." Replied Dean with a laugh. "I gotta make sure this girls treating my baby brother right."

"Thanks Dean," Sam said and Dean could tell that he was smiling. "And by the way I'm not a baby and she treats me just fine."

"I'm sure she does." Dean said a little too suggestively and he could practically hear Sam roll his eyes over the phone.

"Anyway, how've you been?" Sam asked, clearly trying to steer the conversation away from his love life.

"Ehh can't complain," Dean said. "Bobby still likes to give me a hard time, ya know how he is. Ellen and Jo keep asking when you're gonna visit, they miss ya."

"Well you tell em I miss em too." Sam said.

"Will do."

"You sure you're alright, Dean? You sound kinda funny." Sam asked and Dean should have known it was coming. Nothing ever got past Sam, especially if it had anything to do with Dean.

"I'm fine Sam, just a little tired is all. Had a long day." Replied Dean as casually as he could.

"Alright, well I won't keep you up then." Said Sam.

"Hey, you try and get some sleep too Sammy. Aint no use takin' all them classes if you're gonna end up sleepin' through em."

"You were always the one sleeping through classes, if I recall." Sam said.

"Good point." Dean said. "Night Sammy."

"Goodnight Dean."

Dean hung up the phone, feeling only marginally better than he had before. He looked at the TV and sighed before he turned it off. Sam could always tell when something was eating Dean, always since he was five years old. Dean had always figured that his problems were his problems and it didn't make sense to burden anyone else with them. Sam had always disagreed. It wasn't anything huge, Dean was a little lonely and maybe he drank too much sometimes, but there was no reason to worry Sam with it. So he pretended he was fine, though they both knew different and they didn't talk about it.

Dean rubbed a hand wearily across his face and rose stiffly from his chair. He walked from the living room with its stained carpet and cracked ceiling, the only things in the room an armchair an old TV, and a small table that held the phone and the remains from his dinner. The walls were painted an off white that had grown faded and grayish with time, the cheap shag carpeting was matted in places and no amount of vacuuming could get it clean. Dean looking at the room despondently and switched the light off before retiring to his bedroom, which was in about as good repair as the rest of the place.

He walked across the room without bothering to turn the light on and sat down on the edge of his bed. He kicked his boots off and the metal springs of the cheap mattress groaned in protest. He pulled his shirt off and tossed it across the room in the general direction of the hamper. He lay back on his sheets, still in his jeans and the image of the man on the corner came back to him, unbidden. He rolled over angrily and pushed the thought away, his mind was blank when he finally drifted off a few hours later. It didn't stay blank for long.

It always started with the smoke, every single time and then the heat came. Dean awoke and got out of bed, rushing to Sammy's room. Protect Sam, always his first instinct. He entered the room and saw the burgeoning flames leap out at his father. John Winchester held his youngest in his arms, his expression one of fear and despair. He saw Dean at the door and put Sam in his arms.

"Take your brother outside as fast as you can, Dean. I'll get your mother." John said with authority. "Go Dean, go."

And Dean went, rushing from the house, little Sammy clutched to his chest. He knew that John would save his mother, John was strong and brave and he was Dean's father. In Dean's mind there was nothing he couldn't do, but he waited for what seemed like a lifetime. And when John finally burst through the front door, he was alone. John grabbed his sons just before the flames reached the gas line and the house imploded.

Dean watched over his father's shoulder as the flames completely engulfed the house, he realized then that his mother wasn't coming. Dean twitched in his sleep, his breathing ragged, and sweat soaking the sheets beneath him. Then something happened, something different. He didn't wake violently as he usually did then, sweating and shaking. An image swam before his vision, a pair of icy blue eyes, which seemed to sooth the ravaging fire. His mind went dark once more and he slept soundly again.

Dean woke early the following morning, pleasantly surprised. He couldn't remember a night when he hadn't been woken by memories of the fire. Every night like clockwork he woke gasping with the smell of smoke in his nose and throat. Today he felt rested and calm, he felt good. He whistled in the shower and while he made breakfast, an egg sandwich, which he wolfed down standing over the sink. He was due at the garage around noon, but he thought about heading in early. The look on Bobby's face would be worth it, Dean had never voluntarily gone into work early, or stayed late for that matter. Not that he was lazy, just his work ethic needed improvement as Ellen put it, he was just a damn idjit as Bobby put it.

Dean grabbed his keys and shrugged on his dad's old leather jacket he still wore, some habits die a little too hard. He was humming Deep Purple as he headed for the door. His last thought before he stepped out into the early afternoon sunlight, irrational as it seemed, was that he really hoped they hadn't finished repairing that water main yet.

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><p>See ya next week.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**A:N/ **Sorry this is a day late, this week has been a little crazy. But here it is, hope you enjoy it.

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><p>Chapter Two<p>

"All great and precious things are lonely."

― John Steinbeck

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><p>The night had been cold, and little more warmth would be found with the coming dawn. The sky lightened and was filled with a pinkish hue, quite beautiful. The sunrise was seen by few, windows closed, curtains drawn, enveloped in the comfort of darkness within. A single figure walked the street beneath the rising sun, though he spared it little thought. He walked slowly, belabored as does one who bears a heavy burden. This man carried nothing, but sadness and desperation, loneliness and shame. These were his burden and they lent a weight that was almost unbearable.<p>

Castiel Milton sighed as he reached the end of the street. He approached the last apartment building on the dead end street, his own. He unlocked the dead bolt that had been installed after the last time the door had been kicked in, by whom Castiel did not know. He had been here only a few months, but it was better than the shelter he had been staying at. He entered the apartment and tried to ignore the various unpleasant odors that accosted him, mold, old urine and vomit. The apartment had two rooms, a bathroom more disgusting than even the worst gas station, and a moderately sized room divided into living quarters and a kitchenette.

Castiel crossed the room to the bare mattress on the floor in the corner, he kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto it fully clothed and pulled what ragged blankets he had over himself. He ached all over, deeply and painfully, more so with the chill in the apartment. He shivered and rolled over, facing the other side of the room and saw a cockroach skitter along the baseboards towards the kitchen. He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes firmly. He pushed away the memories of the night he'd just passed, rough hands on his body, pushing, pulling, grabbing. Their touch was like the touch of cobwebs on bare flesh, he shuddered and swallowed down his distaste.

His mind flashed back to the man in the car, the one with the kind green eyes. Castiel thought he'd call him over, ask him "How much?" as they always did, but he hadn't. He'd just looked at him, really looked at him as so few people bothered to do, and he'd driven off. He pushed the thought away and Castiel's mind went mercifully blank, he was asleep moments later. He slept deeply and without dreams, there were no nightmares his brain could conjure that could compare to what he saw every day. He awoke late in the day, cold and still aching. He rolled out of bed and got stiffly to his feet.

Castiel wandered into the bathroom to relieve himself and when he finished he turned to the heavily stained claw foot tub. He plugged the drain with an old rag and turned the water on as hot as it would go, which was lukewarm on a good day and let the bath fill. The shower had never worked so Castiel was forced to cram into the small, discolored basin. When the bath was full he stripped off his clothes and gently lowered himself into the dingy water. He used bits of an old shirt and a bar of soap to wash himself as best he could in the cramped tub. Having no shampoo, he washed his hair with the soap and rag as well.

He got out of the bath and pulled the rag out of the drain, letting the dirty water flow down the drain, slowly due to a partial clog in the pipe. Having no towels, he used an old sheet to dry himself off, using the least stained portions. He put on the clothes he had been wearing before, his other clothes much more filthy than these ones. He walked to the kitchen feeling only mildly cleaner than he had before. He opened the fridge, to a disappointing sight, a few slices of bread and a half a jar of jelly. He grabbed the bread and jelly and dumped them onto what little counter space he had.

Next he reached above the counter and opened the cupboards and saw several more roaches skitter away at the intrusion. He pulled out a jar of peanut butter and opened it to find it empty. He sighed and threw in the trash. He'd have make due with just jelly then, he really need to go food shopping. He picked the moldy bits off the slices of bread and smeared them both with jelly. He ate standing over the sink and washed it down with tap water, which he drank straight from the tap. He had no glasses or dishes, he didn't have much of anything by way of possessions.

His mind drifted back to a past he seldom thought of. Remembering is always hard. He had been living with his parents and a few of his siblings. He had a home and he was happy, he was going to school to become a teacher. He loved kids and wanted to teach third grade, but his family were not as kindhearted as he was. His brother Lucifer, aptly named intercepted a letter from Castiel's then ex-boyfriend. Lucifer had run straight to their parents with the letter. And the Milton's with all their money and piety told him to pack what he could in an hour and get out. He left home and school that day and he'd been on his own ever since.

He had made some bad choices, trusted the wrong people, loved the worst of them all and in the end he'd been left by them too. He was well and truly on his own and he made due as best he could, unable to find a job, living on the streets, he'd started turning tricks. He closed his eyes and tried to go away in his mind and when it was over he'd have forty bucks thrown at him. It was hard and it made him sick when he thought about it, but he had a roof over his head and meals fairly regularly. It wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination, but it was all he could do.

Some of the other men and women on the block had guided him, told him what and what not to do, how to appear more inviting. He was still learning, skills he had never thought he would need. Sometimes it got slow, sometimes the streets remained empty, or the men found company elsewhere and then Castiel didn't eat for a few days. He was in the middle of a dry spell, what little money he had managed to put away dwindled down to nothing. He had vowed that he would do better today, that he would make enough to buy food and do laundry at least.

Castiel finished eating and brushed the crumbs from the front of the hoodie he wore. He wished he could wear it on the corner, but Sugar had instructed him not to. "They want to see what you got before they pay you for it, honey." She'd said and Castiel had taken it off. Sugar had put makeup on him a few times as well, to accentuate his eyes, she told him to use his eyes to pull them in. Castiel had a hard time making eye contact with any of the men, maybe that's why he never had many offers. Castiel walked to the front of the apartment and peered through one of the only windows that hadn't been boarded up. The sun had already set and he knew that he'd have to leave soon to get a decent corner, hopefully one opposite Sugar.

She had been one of the only people who had honestly wanted to help him. She had found him lying on the sidewalk, homeless and panhandling and she had taken him in. She taught him an easier way of making money, well maybe not easy, but a surer way. Desperate and starving he had agreed, it would be getting cold soon and he had nowhere to stay, except the shelter on the nights he managed to get a spot. She had taught him the ropes as best she could, taught him how to protect himself and she had taken him out with her.

They never strayed too far from one another and they always went home at the same time, walking a while together before they parted ways. Castiel, though distasteful of the work, was glad to have found Sugar. She had offered many times for him to move in with her, to a place much nicer than the one he had, but he had always politely declined. He had learned not to depend on anyone for anything tangible, advice and friendship, were one thing, but for anything else he would rely on himself. He refused to let anyone else leave him as low as the others had, he would never give them the chance again.

Castiel walked to the squashy armchair in the middle of the living room, a chair he'd found on the side of the road across the street. He'd hoped it hadn't been infested with bedbugs, but he was in need of furniture and he had plenty of bugs already, so he figured a few more wouldn't hurt. It was old and torn in places, stuffing peeking through the blue fabric. It was comfortable though, more comfortable than the floor anyway. Castiel collapsed into the chair and leaned over to grab a book from the floor beside him, he had no coffee table. His most treasured possessions were his books, though he didn't have many and he'd read them and reread them many times. Tonight he settled on "Breakfast of Champions" by Kurt Vonnegut, his favorite author and he settled into his chair and began reading.

He read until just before ten and marked his place with a bit of stuffing from the chair. He got up and put his shoes on before grabbing his keys and heading for the door. He always left the lights on to deter burglars, not that he had anything worth stealing, he just didn't feel like having his door kicked in. He locked up behind him and set out for Lake Avenue, which was far less charming than its name suggested. He walked along the darkened street and tried to steel himself for the night to come. He did this every night, but it never seemed to make much difference, never made it any easier.

He caught up with Sugar a few blocks up the street and fell into step beside her. "How you feelin' tonight, honey?" she asked.

"I'm alright." Castiel said unconvincingly.

"It gets easier." She told him gently.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Replied Castiel.

They walked together in silence for several minutes until they reached the turn onto Lake Ave. Sugar stopped Castiel with a hand on his arm. "Let me get you fixed up first." She said, reaching into her purse for the eye makeup she insisted he wear. "You're gonna look so good, honey they won't know what to do with themselves." She said as she dusted his eyelids with glitter.

"Thanks." Castiel said as she finished.

"No trouble," she said as they started walking again. They approached their usual corners and she leaned down to whisper. "Remember, make em' notice you, look em' in the eye. You do that, they'll be hooked, you got such pretty eyes."

Castiel nodded, he hated looking them in the eye. He took his place on his corner and removed his hoodie, leaving it on a nearby bench. He stood shivering in the dark and waited. Within twenty minutes, the first car came creeping down the street. Castiel tried to appear aloof, looking into the car. An older man inside gave him a cursory glance before driving away. Castiel sighed in equal parts disappointment and relief. It was ten minutes before the next car arrived, this one looked at Castiel more closely. The car pulled up beside him and he took a deep breath before approaching. The window rolled down to reveal a middle-aged man, he wore wire framed glasses and had dark calculating eyes.

"How much?" he asked gruffly, this was not his first time.

"50 bucks gets you a half hour, you want an hour it's a hundred bucks and we'll need a room." Castiel repeated the line Sugar had taught him in his hoarse voice.

The man pulled a fifty out of his wallet and waved it in front of Castiel and he nodded. He walked around the car to the passenger side and glanced over at Sugar. She smiled at him encouragingly and he took a deep breath before he got into the car. The man drove three blocks away, to an isolated alley. The man cut the engine and looked over at Castiel. "What's your name, baby?" he asked, his voice oily.

"Angel." Said Castiel.

"Mmmm, I like that." He said leaning in close.

"No kissing." Castiel said putting a hand on the man's chest to stop him.

The man looked angry, but said nothing. He took Castiel into the back of his car and fucked him, rutting into him roughly and with no concern for the man beneath him. Castiel closed his eyes and gritted his teeth against the pain, pretending to be anywhere else. The man finished quickly and he zipped his pants and climbed into the front seat. He left Castiel in the back and started the engine. He drove back to Lake Ave while Castiel put his clothes back on. He pulled up where he'd picked Castiel up and handed the fifty back to Castiel without looking at him.

"Catch you later, baby." He said.

Castiel took the money and got out of the car, wincing slightly as he moved. He took his place on the corner again and looked across the street hoping to see Sugar, but she was gone. He breathed deeply, trying to get the smell of the man's cologne out of his nose. He thought of the money in his pocket, he'd be able to eat tomorrow, he told himself. It gave him little comfort as he stood and waited. He shivered and thought of sitting beside a fireplace, a cup of tea in his hands. He was still lost in thought when another car pulled up beside him. He hoped the worst of the night was already behind him.

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><p>Dean Winchester was washing his hands at the end of his shift. When he finished he walked out into the lobby to see Bobby talking to Jo. "Well, I'm headin' out." He called to them.<p>

"G'night Dean." Jo said, giving him a wave.

"See ya tomorrow," Bobby said. "Have a good night, and tell that idjit brother of yours that he better get his ass back here for a visit. I aint heard nothin' else outta Ellen in a month."

"I'll tell him." Dean said with a chuckle, he waved to Jo. "Night Jo."

Dean left the garage and hurried for the Impala, it was cold and he was looking forward to the warmth and quiet of his apartment. He got into the car and started the engine, grinning when he heard it roar to life. He pulled out of the parking lot and headed home, remembering what he had hoped for this morning. He was halfway home when he came upon the same construction site from the night before, the detour was still in effect. He took the same route as he had the night before. He drove for several minutes and just before he turned onto Lake Ave, he felt a thrill pass through him that he couldn't explain.

He drove down the street, a little slower than he needed to and kept his eyes fixed on the left side of the road. Thirty yards down, in the same place as before he saw him, but something was wrong. The man, Angel wasn't alone. There were three guys circling him, they were talking to him. Something didn't look right to Dean, these guys didn't look friendly. One of them shouted something and shoved Angel viciously, knocking him to the ground. Dean was out of the car in an instant and just as the guy was pulling his arm back for a punch, Dean grabbed it. He spun the man around and pushed him away from Angel.

"You got a problem, pal?" Dean asked roughly.

"Just teaching this fag here a lesson. Why you want in?"

Dean felt bile rise in his throat and he swallowed his rage enough to speak. "I think you better get out of here if you don't want any trouble."

"Oho, looks like we got a fag lover here." Said the guy to his friends. "Maybe he needs to be taught the same lesson."

The guy was looking over his shoulder at his friends and a second later he whipped around fist raised, trying to catch Dean off his guard. Dean reacted immediately, dodging the punch and slamming his fist into the guys face. The guy took a step back, hunched over slightly and Dean kneed him in the stomach. The guy staggered backward, gasping for air and looked up at Dean through his rapidly swelling eyes.

"I said get out of here." Dean said venomously.

The guy looked to his friends who backed off immediately. "If I ever see you again, I'll fucking kill you." The guy said. "I hope the fag was worth it." He shoved past them and took off at a trot, his friends hurrying to catch up to him.

"Don't worry, he was." Dean yelled after them. He turned to Angel, who was still on the ground. He leaned down and held his hand out to him. Castiel took it and Dean helped him to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Dean persisted. "I mean they didn't hurt you? Do you need a ride home or anything?"

"No, really I'm alright." Angel said not meeting his eyes. "My friend will be back any minute."

"Okay, if you're sure you're alright." Dean said hesitantly, he hated to leave the man alone. He wanted to at least make sure he made it home safely.

"I am, and thank you for that. Not many people would have done that." Angel said and he looked at Dean then, his china blue eyes filled with wariness and a hint of recognition.

"Don't mention it." Dean said with a smile. Just then Angel seemed to catch sight of something over Dean's shoulder.

"Excuse me," he said. "I have to go." He hurried across the street towards the woman Dean had met last night. She had just gotten out of a car.

Dean walked slowly back to his car and he got in. He looked out his window to see Sugar and Angel talking animatedly. Satisfied that the man would be alright, Dean drove off. It didn't occur to him until he was pulling into his driveway that he'd forgotten to ask the man's name. Dean entered his apartment, his mind still reeling from the encounter. He collapsed into his armchair and replayed the scene in his mind again. He paid particular attention to the moment when the man had looked at him. Dean couldn't help thinking that the man was aptly named Angel, he had the most beautiful eyes Dean had ever seen.

Dean looked at the clock, it was almost ten. He considered calling Sam, but figured he would be studying. He would've liked someone to talk to, to get his mind off the stranger. He chuckled at the thought of using Sam as s distraction for once. He decided against it and got up from his chair to fix himself something to eat. There were slim pickings in his cupboards and he ended up eating tuna fish on hamburger buns. He really needed to go grocery shopping more often, but he hated grocery stores like most people hate hospitals. He ate in his chair, the TV off for once. When he finished he dumped his dishes onto the growing pile in the sink and wandered into his bedroom.

Dean got ready for bed, hoping he'd have as pleasant a night as he'd had last night. He climbed into bed and lay there, staring at the ceiling. Try as he might, he couldn't get Angel out of his head. Every word he'd said seemed to be seared into Dean's memory, the hoarse voice that had sent shivers down Dean's spine. Dean drifted off after a long while, mind still filled with images of Angel. He slept soundly and with no hint of nightmare. His last thought before sleep took him was that he didn't think he'd be taking his old route home again anytime soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Hiya, so I got a new one for ya this week. Hope ya like it. Thanks for reading.

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><p>Chapter Three<p>

"We are homesick most for the places we have never known."

― Carson McCullers

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><p>Castiel was nineteen, he had just left class and was walking through the darkened campus. He didn't like taking night classes, but it was the only way to get his required English credit. He couldn't wait until he was finished with all of the useless prerequisites and he could start taking classes that were actually relevant to his major. He wished he lived on campus, it would make things so much easier, he'd feel freer, and there would be less lying and sneaking around. His parents had insisted that he continue to live at home though, probably so that they could keep an eye on him.<p>

He hurried towards the parking lot, eager to get to his car. He didn't like walking around here at night, it always gave him an uneasy feeling. He had just spotted his car and a wave of relief rushed through him. He pulled his keys out as he approached his blue Volkswagen. He had the key in the lock when he heard something behind him. He turned around to see four men standing in the dim light cast by the street lamp overhead. Castiel's heart dropped, apprehension flooding through him. He turned back to his car, if he could just get inside, but it was too late. One of the guys grabbed him from behind and wrenched him away from the car. It was then that the fear set in.

Castiel stood surrounded, a moment later one of them spoke. "I hear you been fucking Davies." He said and Castiel tried to suppress the spike of panic that shot through him. Bryan Davies was a linebacker for the football team and Castiel realized that these four were on the team as well. Castiel recognized the speaker, James Freeman, one of the biggest dicks Castiel had ever met. How they'd found out about he and Bryan, Castiel didn't know, they had been so careful to not be seen. Bryan had insisted, he knew he'd catch a ration of shit if anyone found out, and Castiel had agreed, wanting to keep the secret for his own reasons. Castiel said nothing and waited, this would not end well.

"Do you even understand what would happen if the school found out he was a fag?" Freeman asked.

Castiel didn't reply.

"He'd be thrown off the team, he'd lose his scholarship. You think I'm gonna let you ruin his life?"

"I didn't force him into a relationship." Castiel spat out.

"A relationship?" Freeman laughed scornfully. "You think that's what this is? He's fucking you cause he's bored, he aint a fag."

It was Castiel's turn to laugh. "Is that what you think?"

"That's what he told me." Freeman said. "That you're just a pathetic queer and you don't mean shit to him. His words, not mine."

"You're lying!" Castiel said.

"No he's not." A voice said behind him, a voice Castiel recognized. He turned as Bryan walked into the light where Castiel could see him.

"Bryan?" Castiel asked. "What are you talking about?"

"You think I actually meant all that shit I said?" Davies asked and his voice dripped with malice. "I mean really?"

"You told me you loved me." Castiel said, his heart breaking.

"I lied." Davies said meeting Castiel's eyes for the first time. There was regret and shame there and it was then that Castiel understood what was happening.

"This isn't you Bryan, I know you. I love you." Castiel said, ignoring the snickers from the other guys.

"You don't know shit."

"You are lying." Castiel said his anger returning. "You're too afraid to admit what you are, so you're going along with this." He gestured to the men surrounding him.

"I'm not a fag." Davies spat at him.

"No, you're a fucking coward." Castiel said.

Freeman stepped between Castiel and Davies. "You're gonna regret that." He said.

Castiel woke with a start, sweating profusely. He lay shaking in bed, blinking the sweat out of his eyes, trying to shake off the dregs of the nightmare, trying not to remember what came next. The worst part wasn't the beating, he'd been expecting that. No, the worst part was Bryan looking away, pretending he didn't see anything, his face a mask of shame. A week later Bryan had written Castiel a letter, apologizing for what had happened. A letter Castiel never got the chance to read, he was homeless by sunset. It was the first time Castiel had ever felt that deep, crippling sense of betrayal. It wouldn't be the last.

Castiel dragged himself out of bed and dressed quietly in the dark of the apartment. His body still ached from the night before and there were bruises spattered across his back and chest. He comforted himself with the thought of the money he had made. At least he could buy some food today, as his cupboards were entirely barren now. He checked the clock as he pulled his shoes on and headed for the door. He had ten minutes to catch the bus unless he wanted to wait another hour. He locked up behind him and jogged to the bus stop a few blocks away. He made it just as the bus was pulling up to the curb.

Castiel sat alone a few rows from the front of the bus and leaned his head against the window. The vibrations from the window shuddered through him and he closed his eyes against them. Three stops later the bus pulled into the grocery store parking lot and Castiel was off in an instant. He grabbed a basket at the door and headed inside. It was always hard to get any real food shopping done when he had to limit himself to what he could carry on the bus. He wandered through the aisles, looking for easy meals. He had just turned down the frozen food aisle when he was brought up short.

At the end of the aisle, peering intently into one of the refrigerated units was the man from the night before, the one who'd saved him from the thugs. He stood frozen in place, the man hadn't seen him and Castiel considered turning right around. Before he'd made his decision, the man turned and caught sight of him. His face broke out into a heart melting grin and he walked the length of the aisle to where Castiel stood. It was too late to run now and he braced himself for whatever would follow. The man approached him, grin still firmly in place.

"Hey." He said, jovially.

"Hello." Castiel replied.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine." Said Castiel.

The man nodded. "I'm glad to hear that. I'm Dean, by the way." He said, extending his hand to Castiel.

Castiel took it, his hands were rough and calloused. "I'm Castiel."

"It's good to meet you, I mean officially that is." Dean chuckled.

"It's nice to meet you too." Castiel said, he was anxious to get away. He didn't know why Dean was talking to him, or what he wanted, but he didn't want to find out.

"So uh," Dean began, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I mean, I was kinda wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out sometime…with me?"

Castiel felt sickened. Dean's offer had been worded more nicely than the usual, "How much?", but it was an offer he had heard many times before. "If that's what you wanted, you should've asked last night." Castiel hissed at him angrily.

"No, I didn't mean like that." Dean said looking stricken. "I meant like coffee, or something."

"I've heard it all before." Castiel said. "You know what I am, don't pretend like you want a date."

"Castiel, I'm sorry. I-"

"Save it." Castiel said as he turned and fled in the other direction. For a second he had been enjoying talking to Dean, but he should have known better. Guys only ever wanted one thing from him and he'd been stupid to think Dean would be any different.

Castiel paid for his things and got out of the store as fast as he could. He set out for home immediately, he had been planning on waiting for the bus, but he didn't want to be waiting outside when Dean came out. He shifted the heavy bags from one hand to the other as he walked, wishing he had gloves. It was cold for October and the chill seeped into his skin, he walked faster to try and keep warm. It was a two mile walk home and he made it in a little less than an hour. He let himself into his apartment and brought his bags into the kitchen.

He put what little he had bought away and walked back into the living room. He began gathering his dirty clothes into the plastic bags he'd just taken his groceries out of, they filled two bags. Not ten minutes after getting home, Castiel was out the door again. He walked the three blocks to the Laundromat, grateful to be able to wash his clothes at last. All the money he had earned in the last few weeks had gone to pay his rent, and he'd been left with little more for food, and other things. The bell above the door tinkled when Castiel opened it and at once he was enveloped in the warm, soap scented air.

The Laundromat consisted of a large room lined with industrial sized washing machines and dryers. The walls were painted a cheery blue and the large front window was lined with colored glass bottles that rested along the sill. When the sun shone through them, they painted the room with a rainbow of color. Castiel headed for his favorite corner, a little alcove with a counter for folding with a washer and dryer on either side. He dumped his clothes into the washer and went to make change. He inserted a five dollar bill into the machine by the door and twenty quarters plopped into the tray at the bottom. He bought a small box of laundry detergent powder from the machine beside the change machine.

Castiel headed back to his corner and opened up his little box of detergent. He dumped a few scoops into the top of the washer and plunked ¢75 into the coin slot. He started the machine and sat atop the folding counter. The counter was built into the wall and had an overhanging ledge above it. If he scooted all the way back, he would be difficult to see by anyone else in the Laundromat. He leaned his head against the wall and listened to the rhythmic pulse of the washing machine. He'd always liked doing laundry, it was relaxing and comforting. Put the dirty things into the machine and wait for them to come out clean, simple. He wished everything could be so simple.

Castiel had almost nodded off when he heard the beep beside him signaling the end of its cycle. He climbed down from his little hidey hole and switched the laundry over. He set the dryer for fifteen minutes and resumed his seat on the counter. He let his mind wander, and found it replaying the scene from the grocery store again. He fixed the image of Dean in his mind, the genuine, hopeful expression on his face. Castiel wondered if he'd gotten things wrong, if maybe he'd overreacted.

His instincts had told him that Dean was lying, that he should get away immediately and his instincts had never steered him wrong in the past. Even if he had been wrong, what then? Was he supposed to accept Dean's offer, to spend time with him, grow to care for him, only to have Dean walk out when he got bored? It had happened before and Castiel refused to let it happen again, he wouldn't be played for a fool this time and if it meant pushing Dean, or anyone else away, then so be it.

The timer went off on the dryer and Castiel hopped down from the counter and began pulling the toasty warm clothes from the machine. He folded them and repacked them into his bags. He walked home, Dean still on his mind. Two nights in a row Castiel had seen him drive by Lake Ave. Castiel wondered if he'd be by tonight, part of him hoped he would, that he'd stop and talk to Castiel again. And another part of him knew that it was a bad idea, that if Dean did ask to spend time with him again, Castiel, weak as he was, would agree.

He knew he'd have to make sure that didn't happen. There were other streets he could work on, away from Lake Ave. He'd be less likely to have as many customers and he'd be apart from Sugar, which troubled him. But it'd only be for a little while, until Dean forgot all about him. They always did.

* * *

><p>Dean had finished his food shopping in a haze. He couldn't get the look of utter contempt on Castiel's face out of his mind. He hadn't been able to get him out of his head for days and he'd been so thrilled to see him again. All he'd wanted was a chance to get to know him better, he hadn't meant the offense that Castiel had clearly taken. He thought over his wording, wondering if he'd sounded sleazy, or ignorant. Dean couldn't put his finger on it, and he found himself more disappointed than he probably should have been.<p>

He paid for his groceries and drove home to drop them off before his afternoon shift at the garage. He'd decided that he drive by Lake Ave that night, detour or no, and try to find Castiel. He needed to explain himself, he couldn't let Castiel go on thinking he was some creep and if nothing changed because of it then he'd let it go, but he had to at least try. A thought occurred to him as he was pulling into the garage parking lot for his shift. He'd learned Angel's name and it was just as beautiful as the rest of him. Dean shook the cheesy thought away as he entered the lobby. When had he gotten so sappy, anyway?

"What's with the face?" Jo asked as he walked through the door.

"I don't know what you mean." Dean said, realizing he'd been grinning like an idiot.

"Sure." Jo said, unconvinced. "Bobby's in bay two, says he's got a doozy for ya."

"That can't be good." Replied Dean unenthusiastically.

Dean entered the second bay to find Bobby standing over a Dodge Stratus, it was elevated and the hood had been removed for easier access. "What do we got?" Dean asked as he approached the car.

"The water pump went and the thermostat broke apart inside, the thing dumped all the coolant. This numbnuts decides to drive ten miles before pulling over and the engine's shot. We got a loss of compression in cylinders 2 and 3. Cylinders 1 and 4 are both right around 180 PSI, and 2 and 3 are hovering around 90 PSI."

Dean whistled appreciatively.

"Yeah, now the engine's misfiring, and when it idles, the converter gets doused with raw gasoline." Bobby added.

"So what are we doing?" Dean asked. "New engine, or repairs?"

"The owners a little short on cash, can't afford the repairs. He's gonna buy a used engine for cheap, wants us to install it for him." Said Bobby.

"The old engine still in there?"

"Yup."

Dean sighed, Jo was right. "Alright, well let's get that engine outta there to begin with. When will he be by with the new one?"

"He said he'll be bringing it by later today." Bobby said.

"We can get half the job done by the time he gets here and we can install the new engine when we get it." Dean said. "I can handle it if you got better things to do."

"Nah," Bobby said. "I'll give ya a hand."

Two hours later Bobby was called away, someone out front needed some work done in a hurry. He apologized and left Dean to finish up. It was another two hours before he had the engine out and up on the stand. When he was finished, he washed his hands and made his way to the lobby, rubbing his aching back as he went. He found Jo sitting at her desk eating a Pb&J sandwich and flipping through an old issue of People magazine. She looked up when he walked in.

"How goes it?" she asked.

"I'm half-finished and my backs killing me." Replied Dean with a grimace.

"It sucks getting old, huh?"

"Shut up, I'm not old."

"Keep telling yourself that." Said Jo taking another bite of her sandwich.

"Hey, I'm taking lunch. Let me know if that guys shows up with the engine, will ya."

"Aye aye, Captain." Jo said with a mock salute.

Dean headed out the front door and jogged to his car, where he'd left his lunch box before going food shopping earlier. He grabbed the metal Star Trek lunch pail from the front seat, it had been a gift from Sam, and Dean used it only half-jokingly. He walked back to the shop and made his way into Bobby's office, a tiny room containing a large oak desk and little else. Bobby hardly ever used the room and there was a thin layer of dust coating the surfaces in the room. Dean dropped into the rickety office chair behind the desk. He dumped his lunch onto the table, a peanut butter sandwich, a granola bar and a thermos of lukewarm coffee.

Dean ate his lunch in silence, he usually took his lunch back here. It was quiet and he could be sure he wouldn't be bothered. Halfway through his sandwich his cellphone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and answered it without looking at the screen, there was only one person who called him anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hey Dean." Sam said. "What's up?"

"Not much, I'm on lunch." Replied Dean.

"You still bringing peanut butter sandwiches?" Sam asked.

"Hell yeah, you got a problem with peanut butter?"

"It's dry and boring."

"You're dry and boring." Dean retorted.

"Nice one." Said Sam.

"What are you up to anyway? Shouldn't you be studying, or doing bong hits or something?"

"Is that what you think college is?" Sam asked with a laugh.

"Pretty much."

"Yeah well, you're wrong." Sam said. "Anyway I was calling to ask you something."

"Shoot." Said Dean.

"Well, I was wondering if I could come and spend Christmas there this year." Sam said. "And I was thinking Jess could come too."

"A little early to be thinking about Christmas plans, aint it?"

"Jess is a bit of an over-planner, she wants to have things decided in advance."

"Well hell, you know I'm game. It'd be good to do Christmas together again." Dean said.

"There's more." Sam said, and Dean could tell they were getting to the real reason Sam had called.

"What's that?"

"Jess wants Dad to come too."

"No." Dean said immediately.

"Dean, please."

"No Sam, I have nothing to say to him and the last time I checked neither did you."

"I know, but she thinks it'd be good for us to try and work things out." Sam said.

"Yeah, well she doesn't know him. And besides he wouldn't want to see us anyway."

"It wouldn't hurt to ask him."

"This is why you're calling me now. You think if you got a month and a half you'll be able to change my mind, well it won't work." Dean said.

"Jess is right," Sam said. "We can't hate him forever."

"Speak for yourself."

"Will you at least think about it?" asked Sam. "For me."

Dean sighed, he could practically hear the puppy dog eyes through the phone. "Fine." Dean grumbled. "I'll think about it."

"Thank you," Sam said. "It would mean a lot."

Jo had just poked her head into the room. "Sorry to bother you on your lunch, but Justin's here with the new engine." She whispered.

Dean nodded to her and she disappeared back into the lobby. "I gotta get going Sammy, duty calls and all that."

"Alright, and thanks Dean. I mean it." Sam said. "Oh and tell everyone I said hi."

They said their goodbyes and Dean hung up the phone. He tossed out the rest of his uneaten lunch and headed back to the bay where Bobby was unloading the new engine from the back of a pickup. Dean looked it over and realized it was going to be a long night. Even with Bobby's help, it was another four hours before they had the engine installed and the ache in Dean's back was nothing short of agony. Dean got washed up and headed back into the lobby. He grabbed his coat and was about to leave when a voice stopped him.

"You aint leaving here without saying goodnight are ya?"

Dean turned to see Ellen Harvelle standing in front of the door to Bobby's office. "Hey Ellen, I didn't see ya there." Dean said.

"How you been, sweetie?" she asked.

"Can't complain." Replied Dean, nonchalantly.

"How's Sam?"

"He's good. I talked to him earlier, he says hi. He's also thinking about spending Christmas here this year, he wants to bring Jess too." Dean did not mention who else Sam wanted to bring. Ellen had about as much love for John Winchester as his sons did.

"That's great," She said. "Jo will love it. Anyway, you take care and don't be a stranger, alright."

"Okay Ellen, I'll see you later. Tell Booby and Jo I said goodnight."

Dean walked to his car an anxious weight in his chest. The thought of seeing his father again, it didn't sit well with him. He couldn't help thinking as he got into his car that the most reported cases of domestic violence happened on holidays. What he really wanted was someone to talk to, he hoped Castiel would be there again tonight. Within minutes he was turning onto Lake Ave and looking eagerly to the corner where Castiel should be, but he wasn't. In his place was a middle-aged woman in thigh high leather boots, who looked like she'd seen a thing or two in her time. Dean looked to the opposite side of the street and saw Sugar there. He waved her over.

She approached his car and leaned down through the open window, as she had done that first night. "Hey, it's you again. Just couldn't stay away, could you?" she purred.

"I'm looking for Castiel." Dean said.

"He aint working tonight." Sugar said and Dean knew she was lying.

"We talked earlier and I think he got the wrong idea." Dean said. "I just wanted to apologize to him, that's all. I don't mean him any trouble."

"Listen honey," Sugar said frankly. "This aint Pretty Woman, alright. He don't want your charity, or your pity. You just leave him be, he's been through enough."

Dean nodded. "If you see him again will you just tell him that I'm sorry?" He asked.

"Sure honey, I'll tell him."

Sugar walked back to the curb and Dean rolled up the window as he drove away. He tried to swallow his disappointment and the guilt that had been gnawing at him all day. He wished he had never said anything in the first place, he hadn't meant to hurt, or offend Castiel and he'd ended up doing both. He knew he should take Sugar's advice and just forget about it, he didn't want to force his company on someone who clearly didn't want it. When he'd seen Castiel in the grocery store a wild hope had seized him. It hadn't been lust like Castiel had thought, but a desire for companionship, he had been a fool to act on it and now he was left emptier at its departure.

The apartment was dark when he got home and he didn't bother turning on any of the lights. He kicked his boots off and crawled straight into bed, fully dressed. The nightmare returned to him that night, sharper and more painful for its temporary absence. For the first time in his life Dean was grateful for it. He knew the dream, knew it's pain, it was familiar to him. It was more preferable to the thought of clear blue eyes and a shy smile, or his father's face across the table from him at Christmas dinner. Better the devil you know the devil you don't after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **There is some dubcon and violence in this one, just as a warning.

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><p>Chapter Four<p>

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."

― Albert Camus

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><p>Castiel stood on a corner much like the one he'd been occupying for the last several months, but the street was much emptier than Lake Ave. There was only one other person on the street with him, a woman in her mid-fifties, she looked more tired than Castiel felt. He stood for hours, limbs going stiff with the cold, but no cars passed by him. At around four in the morning a green sedan turned down the street and crawled to a stop beside Castiel. The window rolled down to reveal a man in his twenties. He was wearing sunglasses and had a nose piercing.<p>

"Looking for company?" asked Castiel, as he always did.

"Yeah," he said. "How much?"

"Fifty bucks." Replied Castiel tonelessly.

"Get in."

Castiel complied. The man pulled into a deserted parking lot a few blocks away. He cut the engine and turned to Castiel a lascivious grin on his face. "I need your mouth." He said in a voice that Castiel assumed was meant to be sensual, but it made his skin crawl.

"Whatever you want." Castiel said, trying not to show his revulsion.

The man unzipped his jeans and Castiel closed his eyes and tried to think of something else. When he turned a trick he always went somewhere else in his mind, anywhere else really. Tonight he was sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of a pleasant house. He was drinking a long island iced tea and there was someone in the rocking chair beside him. He'd gone to this place many times, although he never saw the face of the person with him. It was someone he could spend the rest of his life with, someone he loved more than anything else in the world. He hoped one day the stranger would have a face, that the dream would be real.

Until that day it was his escape, the dream of peace without fear. What he really wanted, more than anything was not to be afraid anymore. It was over in a matter of minutes and the man was tucking himself back into his pants as Castiel wiped his mouth. Castiel held out his hand without looking at the man. A moment later a twenty dollar bill was dropped into his palm. A hot bolt of anger surged through him.

"I said fifty." Castiel said.

"And I'm giving you twenty." The man said and Castiel looked at him now. He had a dangerous look in his eye that told Castiel to keep quiet, but he refused.

"No," he said angrily. "You're giving me fifty."

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes, it is." Castiel spat.

In an instant the man had a grip on the back of Castiel's head, pulling his hair painfully. He slammed Castiel's face into the dashboard of the car one, two, three times His nose began to gush blood and he hoped it wasn't broken. Castiel sat for a moment, trying to regain his composure, blood dripping from his nose.

"I'm giving you twenty." The man said and the fight went out of Castiel. He nodded weakly.

"Good." The man said. "Now get out."

Castiel exited the car and it sped away the moment he closed the door. Castiel turned and started for home. He wouldn't get another client looking the way he did, not that he wanted one. He trudged along an empty street, trying to stem the flow of blood with his hand. He tried to fight back his tears, but for once they persisted. He stifled a sob, as if anyone were around to hear it and turned onto his street. As he grew closer to his apartment, his despair increased. He longed, more than ever for the wooden deck and the rocking chairs.

He wiped his face with the back of his hand as he was fishing his keys out of his pocket. His hand came away damp with tears and blood. He unlocked the door and once inside he headed straight for the bathroom. He washed his face and looked into the fogged mirror above the sink to assess the damage. His nose was swollen, but not broken and his left eye was blackened. He left the bathroom, wishing he had some ice to put on his nose, but he had none. He turned the lights off, kicked his shoes off and collapsed onto his mattress. A few more tears dripped down his face and he closed his eyes against them.

He laid in bed until the sky lightened through the blinds on his window. He fell asleep his face stiff with dried tears and dreamed of darkness and hatred. He awoke early in the afternoon of the following day feeling unrested and sore. He got up and went into the bathroom to see if his face looked any better. It looked worse, both his eyes looking purplish and his nose looking a little crooked. He knew he wouldn't be able to work that night and he also knew that he didn't want to. He still had food from the other day, he'd be able to eat and that was enough.

He thought of things he could do to pass the day and the subsequent night. Nothing came to mind, he hadn't had a night off in quite some time. He walked to the window and looked out. The day was bright and from the temperature in the apartment, it was warmer than was to be expected for mid-October. Castiel pulled his shoes on and on a whim grabbed one of the books from his small pile. He left the apartment and set out for the park nearby. After a ten minute walk he entered Pulaski Park, book in hand. He walked along the concrete path until he found a suitable tree. He settled beneath the tree and began to read.

* * *

><p>Dean Winchester rolled out of bed at ten-thirty and headed to the bathroom to relieve himself. After he'd finished, he wandered into the living room, pondering what he'd do for the day. He had the day off and really wasn't looking forward to another day spent in his apartment. He thought about what he might do and he heard his brother's nagging voice in his head, telling him to get some exercise and fresh air. With a sigh of resignation, as if Sam were really in the room telling him what to do, Dean changed into a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt.<p>

He left the apartment and walked right by his car. He broke into a jog about a block from his house and headed for Pulaski Park. It was a good two mile jog and he figured it would kill some time. As he jogged his mind wandered, Castiel crossed his mind for the umpteenth time since he'd seen him last. Dean enjoyed the stretch and ache in his muscles as he ran, it felt good after all the hours bent over engine blocks and lying under cramped under cars. Twenty minutes after he'd begun his run, Dean turned the corner and entered the park.

It wasn't very large, situated in the center of four streets and spanning two street blocks. In the center was a large ornate fountain from which concrete paths spread, like rays of sun. There were benches situated along several of the paths. The grass was lush and well-kept for the time of year and the leaves on the trees had begun to turn, dappled with vibrant color. Dean slowed to a walk as he approached the fountain, he was breathing heavily and sweating profusely despite the cool weather.

He sat on the edge and reached down to scoop a handful of the cold water into his hand. He splashed the water onto his face and the back of his neck. He sat for a moment relishing the cold water dripping into his shirt, down his sweat soaked back. He stood and wandered away from the fountain, wishing he'd brought some water with him. The fountain water was fine for cooling off, but there was no way he was drinking it. He came upon a hot dog stand along the one of the paths and approached it gratefully.

He declined a hot dog, though they looked delicious, not wanting to ruin his workout and just settled for a water. As he lifted the bottle to his lips something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. He turned and saw, sitting peacefully under one of the trees nearby, Castiel reading a book. Dean couldn't believe what he was seeing. He stood hesitant, he wanted more than anything to go over there, to apologize for what had happened at the grocery store, but Sugar's words came back to him then.

Castiel turned his head slightly and Dean caught sight of the bruises on his face and the decision was made for him. He walked over slowly, waiting for Castiel to notice him. It wasn't until Dean was standing right in front of him that Castiel finally looked up. Panic crossed his face and Dean was sure that he would run, but he sat still waiting for Dean to speak. "Hey Cas." He said quietly.

"Hello Dean."

Dean paused, unsure how to begin, but Castiel didn't look angry and Dean took comfort in that. "Do you uh, mind if I sit down?" he asked lamely.

Castiel only nodded.

Dean sat beside him, a few feet away as not to crowd him. Once seated he noticed that Castiel had drawn his knees to his chest, curling into himself away from Dean. It hurt Dean to see it, as if Castiel were afraid he would hurt him. He took a deep breath and spoke as gently as he could. "I wanted to apologize to you." Dean said.

"You don't have to." Castiel said dismissively, not meeting his eyes.

"Yes I do." Replied Dean quickly. "I was an ass, I should have known better to say what I did, and I'm sorry, truly I am. I didn't mean to offend you, or hurt you."

Castiel looked at him then, and Dean saw an openness in his expression that he'd never seen before. "Thank you Dean." He said with a slight smile. "I may have over-reacted, I'm sorry for shouting at you."

Dean smiled, relief flooding through him. "Don't worry about it, you had every right to be upset." Dean hesitated a moment. He was glad to have cleared the air and didn't want to screw things up again, but something was bothering him. He looked more closely at Castiel's face, the bruises underneath his eyes and the swelling of his nose. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Castiel caught him looking and looked like he might lie, he fell down the stairs, or he slipped in the bathroom, but he didn't. "I've been better." He said with a resignation that broke Dean's heart.

Dean nodded, not wanting to push too much. "Now I don't want to make the same mistake twice," Dean began nervously. "But, I mean I don't have a lot of friends you know and I thought, well I think you're cool and maybe we could hang out sometime. As friends you know, do fun stuff, I don't know." Dean stopped talking, realizing how foolish he must sound.

Castiel surprised Dean by laughing, the corners of his eyes going endearingly crinkly. "I think I would enjoy that." Castiel said, still smiling. "I don't have a lot of friends either."

"That's great, Cas." Dean said.

"You called me Cas."

"Sorry," said Dean. "Do you prefer Castiel?"

"No, it's just no one's ever called me that before." He said. "I like it though."

"Alright, Cas." Dean said, enjoying the feel of Castiel's name on his lips. "You know, the new Godzilla movie's out now." Dean said casually, waiting to see how Castiel would react.

He smiled. "I always thought the original was the best, but the new one did look pretty cool."

"Hell yeah it does. So how bout it, wanna get your monster fix?" asked Dean enthusiastically.

"That sounds great."

"I gotta stop home and change and grab my car, you wanna walk with me, or should I pick up at your place?"

"I'll walk with you."

They got to their feet and set out back through the park, Castiel following a pace behind Dean. He noticed the book in Castiel's hand for the first time and grinned. "I love Kurt Vonnegut." He said.

Castiel looked down at the book as if he'd forgotten he was holding it. "Really? He's my favorite writer."

"Me too." Replied Dean.

They walked back to Dean's apartment in a companionable silence. Dean couldn't believe how lucky he was, he had thought that he would never see Castiel again and now here they were. Maybe Sam had been right all those times he'd preached to Dean about the joys of jogging. The two of them arrived outside Dean's apartment fifteen minutes later and it occurred to him then that his place wasn't in great shape. He led Castiel up the walkway and hoped he didn't a little mess. He held the door open and let Castiel enter first. "Sorry about the mess," he said. "My brother used to do all the cleaning, I guess I never got into the habit."

"I've seen a lot worse." Replied Castiel looking around at the small amount of clutter. "You have a brother?" he asked as Dean headed into his room to change.

Dean spoke loudly through the mostly closed door of his bedroom. "Yeah, he's four years younger than me. He's at college in California now."

Castiel could see through the gap in the door. Dean's back was to him and he was changing his shirt, Castiel watched the muscles of Dean's back appreciatively as he pulled on a clean shirt. He saw Dean turning and looked away. "Are the two of you close?" he asked.

Dean came out of the room a second later, pulling a red plaid button down on over the black t-shirt he wore. "Yeah," he said. "I practically raised him, so he means the world to me, but don't ever tell him I said that."

"I won't."

"You got any brothers, or sisters?"

"Yes, I have several, but we were never very close, well except for one of them. It's been years since I've seen any of them though."

"You guys have a falling out, or somethin'?"

"Something like that." Replied Castiel vaguely.

"I'm sorry." Dean said, wishing he hadn't brought it up.

"It's alright." Castiel assured him. "It's been a long time.

"You ready to go?" Asked Dean, changing the subject.

"Yes."

Dean grabbed his keys and headed out the door, Castiel close behind him. Dean got into the car and Castiel followed suite. Castiel looked around the car admiringly and Dean caught him. "You like her?" he asked.

Castiel smiled and nodded. "She's a beauty." He said.

"The most beautiful car in the world and that aint exaggeration." Dean said as he started the engine and pulled out of the driveway.

"I believe it." Castiel said and Dean glowed with pride. Whenever he met new people there was only really one test they had to pass in Dean's book and that was his baby. People who couldn't appreciate her weren't worth his time. The whole way to the movie theater, Dean couldn't wipe the stupid smile off his face.

The movie was good, they ate popcorn and compared in whispers Godzilla's increase in size over the years. They laughed at the cheesy bits and Dean made sure to give Castiel his space, though he wanted to put his arm around him, sappy as that sounds. They left the theater two hours later, still chuckling. Castiel seemed serious and quiet, but Dean was beginning to see another side of him. One that laughed more readily and seemed more at ease. He enjoyed spending time with him.

They exited the theater together and Dean looked over at Castiel. He nudged him playfully with his elbow. "Wanna grab a beer?" he asked.

"Sure." Replied Castiel.

"Sweet, I know the best bar in town." said Dean.

Within minutes Dean was pulling up in front of an old der, rustic looking building. It had the appearance of an old hunting lodge and an awning of weathered logs hung suspended above several motorcycles parked underneath. A sign above the awning read, "Harvelle's Roadhouse." Dean parked beside on of the motorcycles and got out. Castiel got out of the Impala and stood gazing at the slightly ominous looking structure.

"This is the best bar in town?" he sked a little skeptically.

"Well the best for company and charm." Replied Dean.

"Charm, huh?"

Dean laughed. "Don't judge it before you see inside." He said leading Castiel into the bar.

It was dark inside, little light streaming through the dust caked windows. The back wall was covered in a large mirror, below which sat a shelf full of various bottles of liquor. Two battered wooden counters protruded from the wall on either side of the mirror and were connected by another counter perpendicular to the wall. The whole thing resembled a corral where the bartenders served from. Mismatched wooden tables lined the walls and a threadbare rug lay trampled and dirty on the worn wooden floor. It was a little rough around the edges, but it had a comforting sort of intimacy to it, unlike most bars you see these days.

A middle-aged women stood behind the bar with her back to them as they entered. When she turned around, she smiled broadly. "Hey Dean." She said.

"Hey Ellen." Dean said happily. "Cas, this is Ellen Harvelle, she owns the place."

"Hello Ellen, it's wonderful to meet you." Castiel said, understanding why Dean was so keen on the bar.

"Ellen, this is Castiel. He's a friend of mine."

"Well hello Castiel," Ellen said.

They sat at the bar together and Ellen rested her elbows on the counter looking at Dean pointedly. "How bout a couple beers?" Dean asked in lieu of an explanation. "How's Jo?" he asked when she set the beers on the counter.

"She's alright," Ellen said. "Has the day off, probably gettin' into some kind of trouble."

"That's my girl." Dean said proudly.

Ellen turned her attention to Castiel and leaned against the counter before speaking. "So Castiel," she said. "How long you known Dean?"

"A little while." Castiel answered shyly.

"I'm impressed." She said. "He don't usually do much more than work and watch old boxing matches in his underwear."

Dean inhaled sharply at her words, unfortunately he was taking a sip of beer at the same moment. He spent the next several minutes coughing violently while Ellen walked off to help another customer. "Don't listen to her." Dean said at last, voice a little hoarse.

"She lying?" Castiel asked.

"Well no, but still."

Castiel chuckled. "It's alright, your secrets safe with me."

"I knew I could trust you, Cas."

Castiel smiled shyly at his words and quickly changed the subject. "So how do you know Ellen?"

"She's married to my boss, Bobby, Jo is her daughter from a previous marriage. Bobby's an old friend of my dad's, I've known him since I was a kid. When I left home, he gave me a job in his garage and he and Ellen kinda look after me you know. Jo works at the garage sometimes too and here occasionally. I mean Bobby was more a father to me than mine ever was." Dean stopped, realizing he may have said too much.

"I understand." Castiel said. "I know what it's like to have parents like that."

"Is that why you don't talk to them anymore?"

"Well, that's by their choice not mine."

"I'm sorry Cas, I didn't mean to pry."

Castiel looked like he might change the subject, but he continued speaking, quietly as if he were afraid of anyone hearing him. "Its fine, it's just I come from a very religious family and they didn't take kindly to my, uh extracurricular activities. One of my brothers, Lucifer intercepted a letter from a guy and he ran straight to them with it. They asked me to leave and stay gone. It was for the best anyway."

"Still, it's hard when you can't rely on the people who're supposed to be there for you no matter what."

"Yeah," Castiel said. "What happened between you and your father?"

Dean hesitated, he'd never talked about his family to anyone, but family, Bobby and Ellen and Jo were family. Dean could see how hard it had been for Cas to even mention his parents and he gave in.

"My mom died in a fire when I was four," Dean began. "My dad loved my mom more than anything in the world, you know and he just kinda fell apart when she died. Sammy was six months old when it happened, he doesn't even remember her and that kills me. I had to take care of him when my dad couldn't, which was most of the time. He drank a lot, just didn't wanna be around us. I think we reminded him of her. He was a mean sonofabitch when he drank and we got into it a lot. I wanted to get the hell out of there, the second I hit eighteen, but I stuck around for Sam. When he left for Stanford I bounced around for a while till Bobby offered me the job."

"That was a really kind thing you did." Castiel said warmly. "Sticking around for your brother's sake like that. You must love him very much."

"Yeah, I do." Dean said, his voice losing the hard edge it usually carried, sounding gentler. "You know, I think you'd like him, I know he'd like you."

Castiel smiled broadly, the corners of his eyes going crinkly, something Dean was beginning to love. "Thank you, Dean." Was all he said.

They sipped their beers in silence for a while and when they finished Ellen brought them two more. She wandered over again towards the end of the second beer. "How you boys doin'?" she asked.

"Fine, thank you. "Castiel answered. "You have a wonderful place here. Dean was right, it is charming."

"Charming?" she asked looking at Dean skeptically. "He wouldn't know charming if it bit him in the ass."

"Excuse me?" asked Dean offended. "I am the epitome of class and charm."

"Okay, sure honey." She said with a chuckle. "Y'all want another beer?"

"I better not if I'm driving, besides it's getting late," Dean said, seeing how dark it had grown outside. "You ready to head out?"

Castiel nodded and dropped down from the stool he'd been sitting on. He waved to Ellen as he followed Dean to the door. "It was wonderful to meet you." He said.

"You too honey, come by anytime you like. Any friend of Dean's is always welcome round here, and keep him outta trouble will ya?"

"I'll try." Castiel called back while Dean rolled his eyes.

Dean opened Castiel's door for him and walked around to get in behind the wheel. Dean drove Castiel home and walked him to the door, the perfect gentleman. He didn't ask to go into Castiel's apartment, didn't try to make a move, he just stood there a little awkwardly.

"That was fun." Castiel said, breaking the silence. "I like hanging out with you and I liked meeting Ellen."

"Me too," Dean said happily. "And I know she liked you, she'll be asking about you every day now."

"Sorry about that."

"I don't mind." Said Dean. "So do you want to hang out again sometime?"

"That'd be nice."

"Is there a number I can reach you at?" Dean asked.

"I don't have a phone, but if you give me yours I can get a hold of you." Castiel said.

"Okay." Dean said and pulled a pen out of his pocket and wrote his number on Castiel's hand, feeling a giddy thrill at holding Castiel's hand. "Anytime you wanna hang out you know, give me a call." He said.

"I will."

Dean watched as Castiel disappeared into his apartment and Dean walked back to his car feeling overjoyed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so happy. He knew he'd be counting the seconds until his phone rang.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Hello, I hope the new year is treating you all well. Anyway I got a new chapter for ya, I hope you like it.

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><p>Chapter Five<p>

"We should meet in another life, we should meet in air, me and you."

― Sylvia Plath

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><p>Castiel closed the door behind him and a few seconds later he heard the roar of the Impala's engine. He listened as it grew fainter and finally died away. Castiel smiled to himself and flopped into his armchair. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a nicer day and the fact that he wasn't working that night made it that much sweeter. Castiel leaned back comfortably and thought about when he'd call Dean. He didn't want to seem too eager, but he really wanted to see him again. Castiel caught himself, Dean was his friend, he thought, just his friend. A relationship would ruin what they had and it'd only end badly, it always did.<p>

Castiel relaxed for a while longer and decided that he would go to bed early that night, never getting the chance to otherwise. He rose from his chair and got ready for bed and as he did it wasn't with the slow weariness he was accustomed to, but with a smile on his face and warmth in his heart he couldn't believe. As he lay down that night, everything in his life, all of the weight that usually bore down on him in the moments before sleep seemed to be lifted somewhat. Not that they were gone, but as if he were not alone in bearing them. He fell asleep that night thinking how good it was to have a friend.

Castiel waited three days to call Dean, a reasonable amount of time he thought. He walked the few blocks to the nearest payphone, surprised it was still in working order. Dean answered and the warmth in his voice when he realized who was calling made Castiel smile. They got together an hour later and decided to go for a walk, nothing special. They talked and joked. Castiel loved the way Dean laughed, full bellied and full of joy. He was discovering that he liked a lot of things about Dean. Castiel expected Dean to hold his hand, or make a move, but he kept a close, respectful distance the whole day, for which Castiel was grateful.

Castiel had gone back to working the corner, he didn't mention it to Dean and Dean never brought it up, another thing he was grateful for. He wanted to believe that Dean was his friend, that he didn't have any ulterior motives, something he wasn't used to doing. Castiel didn't trust easily, or at all for that matter. He'd been hurt too many times in the past to allow it. He'd decided to keep his emotions in check and to just enjoy Dean's company while he could, it was enough.

Castiel couldn't remember the last time he'd been so happy. The hopelessness that had plagued him for years had lessened, it was still there, but it did not seem as overwhelming now. Castiel called on Dean several times a week and Dean was always happy to hear from him. Sometimes they just talked for a bit and sometimes they made plans to spend the day together. After a while Dean got tired of having to wait to hear from Castiel, so he got him set up with one of those free government phones. After that Dean enjoyed calling Castiel just to chat and it was a relief to not have to walk three blocks to use the phone.

Dean called Castiel the day before Halloween a hint of mischief in his voice. "So whatcha doing tomorrow night?" he asked.

"Working." Castiel answered.

Dean paused a second and Castiel thought he might say something about the "work" Castiel did, but he continued unhindered. "You should skip work and hang out with me." Dean said. "Every Halloween I get a massive amount of candy and watch scary movies all night. Sounds fun right?"

"That sounds very fun, but I shouldn't skip work." Castiel said uneasily.

"C'mon," Dean begged. "I can't eat all this candy by myself. Well, I could but it wouldn't end well if I did."

Castiel sighed in resignation. "Alright fine." he said. "But you better have Almond Joys, they're my favorite."

"What?" Dean asked aghast. "Everyone knows that Milky Ways are the best candy."

"Yeah sure." replied Castiel skeptically. "So when's the movie marathon start anyway?"

"Sundown." said Dean in his creepiest voice.

"Okay, easy Vincent Price." Castiel laughed. "I'll be there at six."

"Sweet." Dean said. "See you then."

Castiel hung up the phone smiling. He knew he shouldn't be taking time off, that he really needed the money, but he couldn't refuse Dean when he was that excited. Anyway it did sound like fun and he was touched that Dean wanted to include him in his Halloween tradition. He wasn't sure if Halloween was a busy night on the street, he made a mental note to ask Sugar about it that night. It was getting late and he knew he had to start getting ready, but he was unwilling to leave his cozy chair, wrapped up with an afghan Dean had given him and a borrowed copy of Slaughterhouse 5 in his hand.

He got up feeling the chill of his apartment immediately invade his formerly toasty body. He changed into jeans and a form fitting top and went into the bathroom to fix his hair. No matter what he ever did with it, it always looked like he'd just rolled out of bed. He gave up after a few minutes and left the bathroom. He looked out the window and saw that the sun had already set and he checked the time. It was nearly nine o clock, time to go if he wanted to ensure a good spot. Castiel pulled his hoodie on and left the apartment.

He met up with Sugar at the usual place and they set out for Lake Ave together. "Is Halloween usually a busy night?" he asked as they walked.

"Not especially." replied Sugar. "Why you askin' honey?"

"I have plans tomorrow night and I can't work."

"That Dean Winchester again?"

"Yeah, he wants to have a horror movie marathon." Castiel said realizing how cheesy it sounded.

"You sure it's wise to be spendin' so much time with him?" Sugar asked.

"I don't see why it's a bad idea." Castiel said trying not to sound defensive. "He's my friend."

"You sure about that?"

"Of course."

"I saw the way he looked at you that night, honey. Let me tell you he didn't have friendship on his mind and that's the truth."

"He knows I don't want a relationship." Castiel explained. "He's okay with it."

"Just be sure he is and be sure you don't want a relationship either."

"Trust me, that's the last thing I need."

"You seem to really like him." Sugar said gently. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'll be alright." Castiel assured her.

They walked the rest of the way in silence and arrived at Lake Ave a few minutes later. Castiel appreciated her concern, there were few people who cared enough to show concern for him and he took her advice to heart. He had been growing fonder of Dean lately, he had to make sure he kept his emotions under control. He pushed these thoughts away now, there was no place for them on the corner. He had to shut down emotionally in order to get through the night, it was the only way he could do what was asked of him. He stood shivering on the sidewalk, mind blank, waiting for his first customer.

His night passed slowly and saw its fair share of action. Four customers and 200 dollars, money for which Castiel was immensely grateful. His rent was due in a couple of days and he had had a slow couple of weeks. What he'd made that night would keep a roof over his head for another month and suddenly the matter of a night off didn't seem so bad anymore. Castiel parted ways with Sugar and walked home as the sun began to rise. He watched the sky lighten around him and looked appreciatively at the streaks of pink and orange overhead.

He inhaled the crisp autumn air, feeling lighter with every breath he took. He let himself into his apartment and headed to the kitchen to have some breakfast. He made himself a bowl of cheerios and curled up in his chair to read while he ate. He finished his cereal and drank the milk down before marking his place in the book and getting up to put his dishes in the sink. He walked back into the living room and got dressed for bed, he grabbed the afghan off the chair and got into bed. With his new blanket he was finally warm at night when he slept. He slept well most nights now and woke pleasantly rested the following day.

Castiel awoke late in the afternoon the following day and he got out of bed excited to see Dean later. He had a few hours to kill first and he knew he should get his rent paid before he went over Dean's. It was dangerous to keep that kind of cash in his house and he didn't feel like waiting around for his landlord to pick it up. He got dressed and gathered all of the cash that he'd meticulously squirreled away that month. He left his apartment and set out for the Teas Real Estate Agency. It was an hour's walk and Castiel buried his hands in his pockets against the cold.

Charles Teas was a notorious slum lord in the city. When he showed apartments to potential tenants he never saw people, only dollar signs, and he'd let you sit in a bug infested hell hole and wouldn't lift a finger to do anything about it. And the second you missed your rent, you were out on your ass, middle of winter, kids, it didn't matter. He'd leave his Bentley at home when he did his rounds, coming to collect your hard earned money in a battered station wagon, afraid to bring his immaculate car into your neighborhood. It sickened Castiel to hand over the money he earned with his blood, sweat and tears every month, but the alternative was the shelter and he never wanted to go back to that place again.

Castiel entered the upscale building at around 4:30 and walked up to the desk in front of him. With a twinge of irritation he handed over the envelope containing every penny he had to a beautiful well-dressed woman. He knew she was just doing her job, but these people were getting rich off the backs of the poor and he hated it.

"I'll make sure Mr. Teas gets this today." she said with a forced smile.

"Thank you." Castiel said stiffly before turning away.

He left the agency and headed in the direction of Dean's apartment. It was a good sized walk, not long enough to fill and hour and a half, but he figured Dean wouldn't mind if he got there a little early. Castiel enjoyed this walk far better than the last one, knowing every step took him closer to Dean. He let himself relax a little bit, his rent was paid and he wouldn't have to worry about for a little while now, a relief to be sure. It was 5:30 when he finally turned onto Dean's street, the sun was setting and the sky growing dark as he approached Dean's apartment. He walked up the front path and knocked on Dean's door, looking forward to the warmth that would be found within.

Dean answered the door a moment later. "You're early." he said with a smile.

"You said sundown." Castiel countered. "Very creepily I might add."

"Touché." Dean agreed with a laugh. "Come on in."

He stepped back and Castiel walked into the apartment. "So what movies you got anyway? Cheesy ones I bet." Castiel said as he flopped down onto the couch in Dean's living room. The couch was a new edition, Dean had picked up cheap at a yard sale so Castiel had somewhere to sit when they hung out at his place. He liked it, it was a pale blue and it was big and squashy and cozy.

"I got all the classics." said Dean proudly sitting down on the couch beside Castiel. "Frankenstein, Dracula, Halloween, all the best ones."

"Hmm." Castiel said thoughtfully. "Not bad, not bad, but do you have Nightmare on Elm St.?"

"Hell yeah, you think we weren't gonna have any Freddy in our marathon?"

"Alright I admit, you're well prepared." Castiel said. "How long have you been doing this anyway?"

"Me and Sammy used to do it every year after he got too old to Trick or Treat and when he went off to school I just kinda kept doing it by myself. It'll be a lot better this year with you though."

"Well I'm honored to be offered the invite." Castiel said pleased.

Dean smiled shyly at him. "So what do you wanna watch first?" he asked a little abashed.

"Ummm, surprise me."

"Okay." Dean said and he got up from the couch and popped a movie into the DVD player with his back to Castiel.

He sat back on the couch and pulled another ugly afghan from the back of the couch, Christmas gifts from Ellen. He covered them with the blanket and grabbed an orange plastic pumpkin bucket filled with candy off the floor. He set it between them and handed Castiel an Almond Joy. They dug into the candy as the movie started and a few seconds in Castiel realized what they were watching. He smiled to himself, Dean putting on his favorite scary movie, giving him his favorite candy, it was sweet. As they sat together and the stack of moves diminished and the bucket of candy became more wrappers than candy, Castiel realized something. He was so glad that he had met Dean.

Dean looked over at Castiel as the last movie of the night, Dracula ended. He had fallen asleep a little while ago, his head resting on Dean's shoulder. He looked so peaceful Dean was hesitant to disturb him, he also didn't mind Castiel snuggled so close to him either. After a few minutes of enjoying the warmth of his friend by his side Dean carefully extricated himself from the tangle of limbs and blankets. He gently laid Castiel onto the couch and put a pillow under his head. He draped the afghan over his sleeping form and quietly made his way into his bedroom.

Dean got ready for bed without making a sound. He climbed into bed and settled in beneath the covers. As he lay there he could hear Castiel gently snoring from the next room, it was a calming sound. When Dean found sleep that night it was the deepest and most peacefully he had slept in years. Dean awoke early the next morning and left his bedroom to find Castiel still curled up on the couch. He made his way into the kitchen and started making breakfast. He was half-way through cooking the scrambled eggs and the toast was crisping in the toaster when Castiel wandered into the kitchen bleary eyed and still half-asleep.

He looked at Dean stirring the eggs and realization dawned on him. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to spend the night."

"It's okay, Cas. You fell asleep, no big deal." Dean reassured him.

"You should have woken me."

"You looked like you needed the sleep, besides it was late for you to be walking so far anyway."

"Still, I don't want to be a burden." Castiel said uneasily.

"You're not a burden, Cas you're my friend." Dean said. "You're welcome here anytime, for as long as you want."

"Thank you Dean."

"No problem, you want some breakfast?"

"Yeah."

Castiel sat at the small card table Dean had found in his basement and Dean scooped some eggs onto a plate for him. Dean sat across from him and poured them both some coffee. Dean noticed Castiel made toast the same way he did, butter then jelly and it made him feel happy for some reason. They ate in silence for a while before Castiel spoke.

"Dean I-" he began then trialed off and Dean could see that whatever he was trying to say was important to him.

"It's alright, Cas." He encouraged. "Say whatever you got to."

Castiel started again, sounding surer of himself this time. "I don't trust easily." He said. "Well, I don't trust at all actually. Every single person I have ever trusted has betrayed that trust, so I just stopped trying. I have told myself since the day I met you that I wouldn't make the same mistake I've made a hundred times, but…"

"What?" Dean asked.

"But it's different now, at least I think it is, or maybe it's not, I don't know, maybe it can be. I just, I want to trust you Dean, but every instinct I have is telling me not to and I don't want you to feel like it's your fault and I don't want to hurt you." Castiel said, unsure of what to say next.

"Cas, you don't have to worry about hurting me." Dean said, gently laying his hand over Castiel's which rested on the table. "I know how hard this must be for you. I know that I can sit here all day long and tell you that you can trust me and I know you wouldn't believe me. You've been screwed over too many times and I don't blame you, not one bit, but what I can do is be here for you, every day for as long as you want me to be. And one day, maybe things will be different, maybe they won't, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna stop trying and it doesn't mean I don't want you in my life. Cas I haven't felt this happy since my brother went away to school, it's like I've found something I didn't know I was missing and I don't want to lose that. I promise you, I will never do anything to jeopardize our friendship."

Castiel looked at him and Dean could see the tears in his eyes, Castiel nodded. "Thank you." He said quietly.

Dean smiled at him and gave his hand a gentle squeeze, trying to reassure him, to make him feel one fraction of the affection Dean felt for him, to make him understand just how important he was. But Castiel remained a little distant and unsure and Dean knew that it would be a long time before Castiel looked at him with any measure of trust. He was willing to wait as long as it took, forever if he had to. Castiel had returned his smile a little hesitantly and Dean felt reassured. Dean's phone rang a moment later and he ignored it.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Castiel asked.

"It can wait."

Castiel looked at him reproachfully. "It's probably your brother. Don't make him wait on my account."

"Cas-" Dean began.

"It's fine." Castiel reassured him.

Dean nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket, it was Sam. He answered it. "Hey Sammy."

"Hey Dean, how you been?"

"I'm good," Dean said looking at Castiel. "I'm really good."

"I was just wondering if you thought about what I asked you, you know."

Dean blanched, he had forgotten entirely about Sam's Christmas request. "Jeez Sam, I don't know."

"Dean please." Sam said.

"I need some more time to think about it."

"You've had weeks, besides he needs to book the tickets soon, or he won't get a flight out there."

"Wait, you talked to him about it?" Dean asked shocked.

"Yeah and he wants to come, he wants to see you Dean." Sam said.

Dean sighed. "I'll let you know by tonight, I promise Sam."

"Fine Dean," Sam agreed. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye." Dean hung up the phone and looked apologetically at Castiel. "Sorry about that."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, it's just Sam wants my dad to come here for Christmas and you know, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not?" Castiel asked.

"The last time we spoke, it wasn't pleasant." That was the understatement of the century.

"Does he want to come here?"

"I guess so."

"Maybe he wants to make amends." Suggested Castiel.

"I don't care what he wants." Deans said angrily.

"Maybe he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. Castiel said. "But does he at least deserve the chance to try and earn it?"

Dean sighed. "I don't know, maybe."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, all I'm saying is that I would give anything to have my family back, to have them love me and if your father is trying to make things right I think you owe it to yourself to try. You deserve it, Dean."

"Thanks Cas." Dean said his throat tightening with emotion. "I'm just, I'm afraid to see him. I don't think I could face him." The admission was painful to him, but it was the truth.

"You're the strongest person I know." Castiel said earnestly. "You can do it."

"Maybe." Dean admitted. "Will you come too, I mean Sam's bringing his girlfriend and he invited my dad. I'd really like you to be there, I want you to meet Sam and Bobby and it'd be easier knowing you're there."

"You want me to spend Christmas with your family?"

"More than anything." Dean said sincerely.

"Alright, I'll go, but only if your father goes too."

"That's fine." Dean said. "I can do that."

Castiel spent the day at Dean's place, Dean loved having him there and was glad when he showed no desire to leave. It was a quiet day, there had been a lot of emotion and vulnerability between them and the air felt different somehow, as if it had been touched by the words spoken. Dean had always had a hard time expressing any kind of emotion, but he found it easier with Castiel. It wasn't like with Sam, he didn't feel like he had to be unbreakable, like he had to be in control at all times, with Castiel he could be himself and that felt so refreshing, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, a weight he hadn't realized he'd been carrying.

That night, Dean drove Castiel home. He still had never seen inside the place, Castiel had been reluctant for Dean to have even seen the outside. Dean didn't care how bad it was, only to the extent that he wanted to make it better. He wanted Castiel to be safe and comfortable wherever he was, but Castiel was reluctant to accept anything from him. It had been difficult to even give him a blanket. He understood Castiel's reasons and hoped that eventually Castiel wouldn't see Dean's caring for him as charity, or pity. Dean longed for that day immensely. Dean drove back home knowing where Castiel was getting ready to go.

It caused an ache in his heart every time he thought about it, but he never mentioned it to Castiel. He knew it would only upset Castiel if he did, so he kept quiet and pretended it didn't kill him, knowing what his friend had to do. Dean would glad work extra shifts to help Castiel out until he found a job, hell he'd give up his own bed to him if he had no place to go, but he knew Castiel would never accept it. He comforted himself with the thought that it would get better. And when he got home he called Sam back and agreed to the addition of their Christmas celebrations and suggested an addition of his own. Sam agreed wholeheartedly.

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><p><strong>AN: **I just wanna say thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed and favorited this fic, i really do appreciate it. :)


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"Only in the darkness can you see the stars."

― Martin Luther King Jr.

The month of November passed as pleasantly as the previous month had. Castiel spent an increasing amount of time with Dean and enjoyed his company immensely. With their agreement to spend Christmas together Dean and Castiel decided that they should spend the other holidays together as well. Castiel suspected Dean was trying to make happy the times of year when Castiel most missed his family and he appreciated it. Dean had quickly become the closest thing to family that Castiel had and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing, or not. All Castiel knew was that he didn't want to go back to life without Dean, he didn't think he could.

With Thanksgiving rapidly approaching Castiel realized they hadn't yet decided how they would spend the holiday. He called Dean with only one day to go. Dean answered on the second ring. "Heya Cas." He said.

"Hello Dean." Replied Castiel, happily from the comfort of his favorite armchair. "You know Thanksgiving is tomorrow and we haven't decided what we're doing yet."

"Well, I was thinking we could try frying a turkey, it sounds awesome." Dean said enthusiastically.

"Of course you'd want to deep fry a turkey." Castiel said amused. "Do you have said turkey yet?"

"Well, not yet, but I got the deep fryer rig. Its sweet man, this turkey's gonna be amazing."

"Okay, I'm trusting you not to burn down your house." Said Castiel. "Is there anything you want me to cook?"

"Maybe you can come over early and bake a pie," Dean said hopefully. "Pie is my favorite food in the world and I cannot make it to save my life. It's my life's greatest tragedy."

Castiel laughed. "I'm sorry for your troubles." He said. "I think I can handle a pie, what flavor?"

"Hmmm, how's apple sound?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Cool, I'll have all the stuff here, just get here whenever you feel like." Dean said.

"Okay, see you then."

Castiel hung up feeling excited for tomorrow. It had been years since he'd celebrated Thanksgiving in any real sense. One year when he'd had no money he'd gone to the food pantry and received a box of dehydrated stuffing and an old can of cranberry sauce. It wasn't so much the holiday dinner he was looking forward to, but the person he'd be able to share it with. Castiel had decided to take the night of Thanksgiving off, again choosing to spend the night with Dean. It didn't bother him as much as it had on Halloween, Dean was well worth the loss of a night's pay.

He knew he should try to make up for it that night, so he was planning to leave a little early so that Sugar could fix him up beforehand. He always had more customers on the nights when she helped him out. Castiel got dressed and headed for the door. Five minutes later he standing in front of Sugar as she dabbed eye shadow on his eyelids. She worked silently for a while before speaking.

"You working tomorrow?" she asked.

"Well I wasn't going to, no." Castiel admitted.

Sugar sighed and Castiel continued. "Listen, I know you don't like Dean, but he's my friend and it's the holidays." He said quickly.

"It aint him I don't like." Sugar said. "It's just I don't want to see you back on the streets again."

Hearing the concern in her voice Castiel realized how much she cared for him and it hurt him to think how blind he'd been to it. "I'll be fine." He assured her. "Really."

"You pay your rent?"

"Not yet, but I'll make it tonight. I know I will."

"Alright, it's just I worry about you." Sugar said gently.

"I know and I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, I really am. I was at my lowest, I thought I'd die in the streets like an animal, but you helped me when no one else would. Sugar, you save my life." Castiel said tears stinging his eyes.

Sugar smiled. "You was worth it." She said hugging him. "Now hush up before you make me cry and smudge my makeup."

Castiel chuckled and she grabbed his hand leading towards Lake Ave. They parted in the middle of the street. "Go get em tiger." Sugar said as she turned away.

Smiling, Castiel took his place on the sidewalk. He knew that tonight would be better, that he'd make his rent and that everything would be alright. It was a long time since he had felt such hope, but he believed it was not misplaced. The night passed quickly and not once in the whole evening was the street empty. There were many men, lonely and looking for comfort and Castiel was there to give it to them. After what seemed like only an hour, or two Sugar was crossing the street, ready to head home. He was glad for the night to have gone so easily, they rarely did. Sugar was happy he'd done so well.

"I knew you could do it, honey." She said, kissing his cheek.

They parted ways with a hug and well wishes for the holiday and Castiel set off towards home. Once in the comfort of his armchair he counted his earnings for the night. He'd made enough to cover his rent, plus a little extra. He sat and pondered what to do with the extra money and it hit him. He'd get a nice bottle of wine for dinner, true Dean was more of a beer man, but Castiel figured they could class it up for the occasion. Castiel headed to bed a little while later, deciding to get up early so that he could get to the grocery store before heading to Dean's. He knew he was taking his life into his hands going to the grocery store on Thanksgiving Day, but he hoped it wouldn't be a madhouse.

It was just before two when Castiel arrived at Dean's door, a bottle of red wine under each arm. He knocked and Dean answered the door flustered and a little sheepish. "Hey Cas." He said as Castiel entered the apartment to the unmistakable scent of charcoal.

"Ummm," Castiel began. "What's that smell?"

"I kinda um, set the turkey on fire." He said leading Castiel into the kitchen where a basketball sized chunk of burnt turkey sat beside the electric fryer on the floor. It looked ridiculous lying there all shriveled and Castiel couldn't help but laugh.

Dean looked from Castiel to the remains of his abysmal attempt at cooking and he too burst into laughter. "At least you didn't set yourself on fire." Castiel said.

"I almost did." Dean said. "Dude it was like Backdraft in here, I saw my life flash before my eyes."

"That'd be a terrible way to go, death by turkey." Castiel said still chuckling.

"Seriously man, I screwed up. Now we got no turkey to eat." Dean said.

Castiel patted Dean on the arm. "Its fine, we can have pie for dinner and I brought wine." He said handing Dean one of the bottles he'd been holding.

"Pie and wine, sounds good to me." Replied Dean. "Now at least I can help you with the pie."

"Just not the cooking part." Castiel warned. "You're banned from using stoves for a while."

"Fine by me."

Together they cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and Dean opened a window to get the smell out. Dean helped Castiel peel and cut the apples and painstakingly make all of the pie filling from scratch. By four o clock, they had two beautiful apple pies baking in the oven. Dean poured them each a glass of wine and they settled on the couch together to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Dean lifted his glass to Castiel before speaking. "At least this day isn't gonna be a total bust, thanks for saving my ass, Cas."

Castiel clinked their glasses together. "No problem," he said. "Just let's keep it simple with the cooking from now on."

"Good idea." Dean said. "That's the last time I try and impress you with my culinary prowess."

"You don't have to try and impress me." Castiel said nudging Dean's arm playfully with his elbow.

"I wanted us to have a nice night."

"I am having a nice night." replied Castiel sincerely. "Any night with you is a good night."

"Well, any night with you is a great night." Dean said cheeks a little pinker than they had been a moment before.

They had polished off a bottle of wine and had started into the second one by the time the pie was finished. They waited an agonizing, for Dean anyway forty-five minutes for the pie to cool. And when it was ready to eat Dean forwent a plate and just grabbed the whole pie and a fork. Castiel laughed and grabbed the other pie and followed him into the living room. It had been a long time since Castiel had had anything to drink and the wine he'd drunk had begun to warm him inside and was making him feel light-hearted and a little giddy. And by the pinkish tinge in Dean's cheeks and the grin plastered on his face he was not entirely unaffected as well.

They sat on the floor in front of the coffee table which came to their chests. They sipped their wine and ate their pie and watched Rocky on TV. "Man Rocky's awesome." Dean said through a mouthful of pie.

"Yeah he is." Castiel agreed, speech slightly slurred.

Out of the corner of his eye Castiel saw Dean snake his fork over and spear and apple chunk out of Castiel's pie tin. "Hey!' Castiel said affronted. "Eat your own."

"Yours is better." said Dean grinning drunkenly.

Castiel leaned over and tasted a bite of Dean's pie. "Mmm, I think yours is better." he said returning Dean's smile.

They finished the movie and their wine both eating from each other's tins. As the credits began to roll Dean leaned over and his threw his arm around Castiel's shoulders. "Hanging out with you is my favorite thing." he said.

Castiel felt Dean's words warm him more than a hundred gallons of wine ever could. "You're my favorite thing." he said before he could stop himself. He looked to Dean, wondering if he'd said too much.

Dean was smiling softly at him and he looked happier than Castiel had ever seen him. Dean's hand left his shoulder and came to rest gently on his cheek. He looked into Castiel's eyes with a love that was unmistakable and his heart swelled with the knowledge. And then Dean was leaning closer and their mouths were an inch apart and they were sharing breaths and sharing space and it felt so good, better than anything had in so long. Castiel raised his hand and rested it on Dean's chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath his palm. Dean's lips were brushing his when reality came crashing back down around him. He pulled back from Dean, though every inch of him protested. Dean looked at him questioningly.

"We can't do this." Castiel said and he watched as Dean tried to hide his disappointment.

Dean looked away and then back at Castiel, his expression understanding. "I know." he whispered.

"I should go." Castiel said getting to his feet.

"Cas, you don't have to go." Dean said standing as well.

"I know, but it's the right thing." Castiel said. "I'm sorry Dean."

"Don't be sorry it's my fault. I didn't mean to upset you, please let's just talk about it alright."

"There's nothing to talk about." Castiel said.

"Are you pissed at me?" Dean asked sounding like a scolded child.

"No, of course not. It's just, I can't do this." Castiel said gently.

"I understand." replied Dean. "If you don't want to be around me anymore I'll get it."

"I just need some time to think."

"Take all the time you need." said Dean walking Castiel to the door. The last image of Dean he had before the door closed threatened to break his heart. He looked lost and so sad.

Castiel walked home letting the chilly evening air sober him, though his conversation with Dean had done most of the work already. He felt angry with himself for letting it go so far and guilty for hurting the one person who cared most for him. He wondered if he had led him on, he knew he had been lax on keeping his distance lately, had let himself get too close and that was his fault. He was grateful that Dean had been so understanding and he'd been right about wondering if Castiel would feel comfortable being around him anymore. Castiel had seen how Dean felt about him, clear as day, but that didn't mean he never wanted to see him again. He cherished his friendship, but he didn't want to make things more difficult for Dean than they already were.

As he walked home he told himself over and over again that he had done the right thing, but as he stepped into his empty apartment he wasn't as convinced as he'd have liked to have been. He went straight to his bed and laid down, trying not to think about anything, but the thoughts persisted. The feel of Dean's warm calloused palm on his cheek, Dean's green eyes sparkling with love and happiness, Dean swallowing his disappointment, pretending he hadn't been hurt by what Castiel had said. Castiel sighed and rubbed his eyes, hoping the images would fade. He thought for the first time what it would be like with Dean, how nice it would be to love him, to not be afraid anymore, but he just couldn't do it, despite how he felt. Because he cared about Dean, truly and deeply, maybe he loved him, he hadn't thought about it much, hadn't allowed himself to.

He slept fitfully that night and did not call Dean the next day, or the day after that. When Dean called him on the first of December, Castiel let it go to voicemail and didn't check the messages. He talked to Sugar about it and was relieved when she didn't say I told you so. It was a comfort to talk to her, but she wasn't the person he really wanted to talk to. He wasn't ready to face Dean yet, he didn't know if he'd ever be ready, but he owed Dean an explanation at least, even if it wasn't what he wanted to hear. Castiel decided he'd call Dean the following day and try to figure things out. What he really wanted was to just hear Dean's voice again.

Dean awoke to the sound of his phone ringing, it was early still, around 7:30. Groggily he reached for it in the semidarkness of his bedroom, wondering who'd be calling this early. He answered it without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Hello Dean." came the hoarse voice with a touch of uncertainty.

"Hey Cas." Dean said, relief flooding through him at the sound of his friend's voice.

"I thought maybe we could get together today, to talk about things." Castiel said. "I'd rather not do it over the phone."

"Sure Cas." Dean agreed. "Whatever works for you."

"We could go to the Roadhouse."

"Yeah, that sounds good." Dean said. "Ellen opens up at noon, how's that sound to you?"

"That's fine."

"I can pick you up just before noon if you want?"

"No, I'll meet you there." Castiel said.

"Sure Cas." Dean agreed. "I'll see you then."

"Bye Dean."

Dean hung the phone up with a sigh. Castiel had sounded more guarded on the phone than he had in months. Dean was still kicking himself for what had happened. He'd replayed the scene over in his head a hundred times, as he had done with the grocery store fiasco and again he was at fault. He had known full well that Castiel's interest in him was strictly platonic, yet there he'd been trying to kiss him. Dean wished he could blame the booze, but the feelings had always been there. He'd promised Castiel that he would never do anything to hurt him and he'd gone and broken whatever shred of trust Castiel had in him.

He was disgusted with himself and he knew he didn't deserve Castiel's trust, or his friendship and he expected Castiel to tell him so that day. He just hoped that Castiel didn't hate him, that he wouldn't join the ranks of all the others who'd hurt and betrayed him. Dean got dressed and went into the kitchen to make some coffee. Ten minutes later he was settling into his armchair, cup of coffee in hand. He sat and sipped from the steaming mug and watched the clock, whose hands seemed to mock him with their sluggishness. Hours dripped by with all the speed of candle wax and by 11:30 Dean was anxious, having spent the morning imagining all of the horrible ways the afternoon could go.

He decided to leave a little early, unable to wait another second. He arrived at the Roadhouse at quarter to 12, hoping Castiel was already there. He got out of his car and hurried to the door, relived to see that Ellen had opened a little early today. He stepped inside and scanned the room, letting out a sigh when he saw Castiel seated at one of the tables on the far side of the room. He heard movement behind him and he turned expecting to see Ellen, but it was Jo. She was wearing an apron an appeared to be working at the Roadhouse that day, she often bounced between her mother's and step-father's businesses, helping out wherever she could. She glanced to Castiel before looking back to Dean.

"Is that the famous Castiel I been hearing so much about?" she asked.

"Yeah and who's been telling you about him?"

"My mom." She said. "So, do I get to meet him?"

"I don't know Jo." Dean said, unsure of how to tell her what had happened.

"You okay, Dean?" she asked, changing the subject for which Dean was grateful.

"I'm fine." He said. "Listen I'll catch up with you a little later."

"No problem."

Dean walked to the table where Castiel sat and stood next to it, uncertain. Castiel looked up at him and Dean expected anger, or disappointment, but Castiel smiled. "You're early." He said.

"So are you." Dean replied returning his smile.

"Are you gonna sit down?"

"Oh right." Dean said taking the seat opposite Castiel. "So…"

"That about sums it up."

"Listen Cas, I know I screwed up royally, I know that." Dean said wanting to get it all out before he lost his nerve. "I promised you that I would never hurt you and whatever trust you'd had in me, if any that night I betrayed it."

"Dean it's alright." Castiel said hating the hurt he saw in Dean's face, the hurt he'd thought had been about Dean not getting what he wanted, but had really been about hurting his friend.

"No it's not." Dean said. "You made yourself perfectly clear when we met, you set up boundaries and I was supposed to honor them."

"We'd had a lot to drink, I think both our judgments were a little compromised." Castiel said.

"Too much to drink is no excuse for what I did. I forgot myself for a minute Cas and I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart." Dean said resting a hand over his heart for emphasis. "I don't know if I've ruined what we had, but I need you to know how sorry I am."

"I know Dean, I do and I'm not angry with you. It was as much my fault as it was yours, you were responding to signals from me and I misled you and for that I'm sorry. It's not that I don't want to be with you Dean, please don't think that's what this is about. It's just I can't be with anyone, I'm not ready for that. But if ever I was, you'd be the person I'd want to be with."

"Cas I don't want you to ever think that I'm only spending time with you in the hopes that we'll end up together. I understand where you're coming from and I want you to know that I don't expect, or want from you any more than you're willing to give. You're friendship is enough, more than enough for me. And that night I forgot that, but I swear to you I will never forget it again."

Castiel nodded, letting Dean's words sink in. "Thank you Dean." He said. "We made some mistakes, but I treasure you're friendship and I don't want to lose that."

"Neither do I." Dean said. "You mean the world to me, Cas." And as the words left Dean's lips he knew they were true.

Castiel smiled and put his hand over Dean's on the table. "No one has ever cared for me the way you do Dean, not even my own family. I'm so glad and lucky to have you. Thank you for everything."

"Don't mention it." Dean said. "And thank you, for giving me a third chance." Dean looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yeah I think it's three, anyway. I won't screw this one up, you have my word."

"Okay." Castiel said. He looked around the room and when his eyes fell on Dean again he seemed to have come to a decision. "I should get going."

"Sure man." Dean said. "You need a ride home?"

"No I'm fine."

"Hey, are we still on for Christmas?" Dean asked as Castiel got to his feet.

Castiel looked at him and smiled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world." He said and headed for the door.

Dean watched him go and continued staring at the door long after Castiel had passed through it, his words ringing in his ears. He was interrupted by the scrape of a chair on the wooden floor. Dean looked over to see that Jo had taken the seat across from his where Castiel had sat.

"So, you gonna tell me what that was about?" she asked casually.

"Nothing much."

"So the blue eyed beauty holding your hand is nothing much?" Jo asked nodding as if it made sense.

"Okay fine maybe it was a little more than that, but not by much."

"Quit being so vague, I'm your friend."

"You want the truth, alright." Dean said. "He's my friend and maybe I wouldn't mind it being more than that and maybe he's just fine with the way it is."

Jo nodded. "I know how that feels." She said.

"Well, you're getting your wish anyway." Dean said steering the conversation from touchy feely land. "He's coming for Christmas."

"I can't wait to meet him." Jo said getting up and heading to the bar. "You want a beer, or something?" she called over her shoulder.

"Nah, I'm good." Dean called back. "I'm really good." He said more to himself.

Dean got up from the table and headed for the door. He waved to Jo and Ellen who'd just come in from the back and was surprised to see him there. He thought about stopping and chatting with her, but he figured Jo would fill her in on everything and it would save him having another heart to heart. He really only seemed to enjoy having them with Castiel and Sam. He walked to his car more buoyantly than he had walked from it and got inside. He drove home with the windows down despite the coolness of the air. The sun shone brightly for December and Dean enjoyed the sharpness of the air through the window and the warmth of the sun on his skin. As he drove he couldn't help the bubbling of happiness inside, everything's gonna be alright he thought and he truly believed it.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N/ **Hello everyone, I got some touching brother moments for you today and some other stuff. I hope you've been liking it so far, thanks everyone who's reviewed and everything. I really do appreciate it. Anyway, thanks for reading.

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><p>Chapter Seven<p>

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof."

― Richard Bach

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><p>Dean awoke early on the morning of December 24th. It was a Monday and the day his little brother was flying in from California. Dean got out of bed and showered before getting dressed, wearing his least tattered and grease stained clothing. He put a pot of coffee on and watched idly as it percolated. When he finally sat down with a steaming mug in hand he was disappointed to see that less than an hour had passed. He didn't have to pick Sam up until 10:30 and it was only 8. Dean was considering maybe going for a run when his phone rang. Knowing it couldn't be Sam from the plane, he answered.<p>

"Hey Cas." He said.

"Hello Dean." Came Castiel's bemused reply.

"You're up early."

"Yes well, I know that you're brother is arriving today and I know we had plans for this afternoon. I just want you to know that if you'd like to spend the day with your brother, I'll understand." Castiel said.

"There's no way I'm letting you spend Christmas Eve alone. I definitely want you to come over still. I want you to meet Sam, I figured we could all hang out today. Unless you don't want to."

"No Dean, I'm very much looking forward to meeting your brother." Castiel said.

"Awesome, I'll see you at noon alright?"

"Sounds good, I'll be there."

"See you later, Cas."

"Goodbye Dean."

Dean hung up the phone wondering how long it would take to get to the airport with traffic. Certainly not two and a half hours, so Dean sat and waited, tapping his feet and checking the clock every ten minutes. Patience was not one of his virtues. An hour and a half and two pots of coffee later Dean had had enough. He leapt up from his chair decisively and walked to the door, grabbing his keys and donning his leather jacket, despite the frigidity of the winter air. There was a good deal of traffic on the drive there, but not an obscene amount given the fact that it was Christmas Eve. Still Dean arrived at the airport only twenty minutes early, which he considered perfect timing.

Twenty-five minutes later Dean saw a freakishly tall man, well built with hair a little too long come walking through the airport doors. He was carrying a suitcase in each hand and was accompanied by a beautiful blond woman with blue eyes and a kind heart shaped face. Dean smiled broadly as he got out of the car. "Sammy!" he called joyfully.

Sam turned to him and his grin matched his brothers. He dropped his bags a next to the Impala and pulled Dean into a bone-crushing hug. Dean hugged him back, aware of how cheesy they looked, but not giving a damn. They broke apart and Sam stepped back, turning to the women beside him. "Uh Dean, this is Jessica." He said pointing to her as if he'd momentarily forgotten she was there. "Jessica this is my brother Dean." He finished pointing at Dean.

Dean stepped forward and hugged her, more gently than he had his brother. "It's great to meet you Jessica and I gotta admit Sammy's doing alright for himself." He said smiling broadly at her.

Jessica laughed. "Yes he is." She agreed.

"Alright, alright." Sam said, having packed the luggage into the trunk while they talked. "Can we get out of the cold now?"

"Aww Sammy aint used to an actual winter anymore?" Dean asked in a mock baby voice.

"Shut up, jerk." Sam said getting into the passenger seat as if by impulse.

Dean winked at Jessica as she climbed into the back seat. Dean got in behind the wheel and elbowed Sam. "Bitch." He said with a grin.

Dean started the car and Ozzy Osborne's Paranoid blared from the speakers. "Dude, can we not this one time?" Sam asked ever annoyed at Dean's taste in music and his unwillingness to try anything new. Dean turned the music down a fraction.

"Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole." Dean said, as he had a hundred times before. He was head banging when he pulled out of the airport. The ride back was shorter than the first, too short for Dean's liking. Driving the Impala with Sam sitting shotgun felt more like home to him than any house ever could. He'd forgotten how much he'd missed it these last four years.

They arrived back at Dean's apartment just after 11. Sam and Jess would be staying with Bobby and Ellen who had much more space in their house than Dean had in his apartment. It probably would have been easier for Bobby to pick Sam up and taken him back to his house before taking him to Dean's, but Dean had insisted on picking him up himself. Sam didn't mind in the least, he'd missed his brother more than he realized. Just sitting side by side in the car that had been a home to them since they were kids, it was a comfort to them, comfort they hadn't realized they'd been without.

They left the luggage in the car, planning on driving it and Sam and Jess to Bobby's a little later, once he'd closed the shop up. Sam had only seen Dean's apartment once or twice in the years that he'd been away and every time he saw it, it prompted a new wave of complaints from him. Dean pretended to be annoyed, but he'd always thought Sam's bitch face was hilarious.

"You gotta update this place man." Sam said the moment he'd set foot in the apartment. "It's like stepping back into the seventies."

"Yeah and what's wrong with that?" Dean asked.

"It's 2014, between this and the greatest hits of mullet rock in the car, you're stuck in the wring decade man."

"Yeah well, it was an awesome decade alright."

"You were born in 1979, I don't really think that makes you qualified to judge." Sam said. "Besides you gotta admit this place could use a little, uh renovation."

"I got a new couch, quit your bitchin'." Dean retorted.

"That couch is older than I am."

Jess had just plopped down onto said couch and giving a satisfied nod said, "I like the couch."

"Thank you." Dean said. "At least someone around here's got some taste."

"Yeah, okay." Sam scoffed, joining Jess on the couch. "What'd you buy this thing for anyway?"

"For when I have company over, jackass."

"By company you mean that guy Castiel, right?"

"Ooh, the mysterious Castiel." Jess said. "I've been hearing all about him."

"He's not mysterious." Dean said, trying to hide his smile. "Well, maybe a little bit."

Dean settled into his armchair and tried to ignore the searching look Sam was giving him. Sam hadn't missed the smile, Sam never missed anything.

"When do we get to meet him?" Sam asked.

"Today actually." replied Dean. "I figured he could come with us to Bobby's."

"That sounds great." Sam said. "Things must be getting pretty serious between you guys, you know taking him to meet the family."

"Shut up." Dean retorted, glaring at him.

"Aww, he's got a crush." Sam crowed.

"I will literally punch you in the face." Dean growled a little too forcefully.

"Alright, alright sorry." Sam said still smiling. "I can't wait to meet him."

"Good." Dean said. "So how you been anyway?"

"I'm good." Sam said. "Worried about my mid-term grades and uh..." Sam trailed off looking at Jess.

"What?" Dean asked suspiciously.

"Should we tell him?" Sam asked her.

"If you want." Jess said. "I did have a feeling you wouldn't be able to wait to tell him."

"Tell me what?"

In answer Jess held out her left hand and Dean noticed for the first time the diamond engagement ring on her finger. Dean's jaw dropped, he looked between his brother and his future sister-in-law in shock. Then everything seemed to drop into place.

"Dammit Sammy's getting married!" Dean crowed. "Come here." he added leaping up from his chair and hauling Sam to his feet in and into a hug.

"Alright Dean." Sam said as his brother threatened to break him in two with the force of his hug. "Don't break my ribs."

"Sorry man." Dean said letting go of him. He turned his attention to Jess. "And you get over here." he said pulling her into warm hug, he kissed her cheek when they parted and held one of her hands with both of his own.

Jess laughed happily. "I'm glad you're excited." she said. "I was worried it'd be too much to take in at once, I mean you've never met me and now I'm marrying your brother."

"Excited?" Dean asked astonished. "Are you kidding, I'm pumped. This is awesome, really guys. Someone's finally making an honest woman of my little brother."

"Shut up." Sam said managing to look both pleased and exasperated.

"Man, Ellen's gonna flip." Dean said.

"I hope dad's okay with it." Sam said.

Dean visibly stiffened at the mention of their father. "Well if he doesn't like it he can screw himself. This is great Sam, really."

"Thanks Dean." Sam said and he had his puppy dog eyes in full effect, looking genuinely touched. Usually Dean would shrug off the chick flick moment, but this time he just smiled.

"I'm happy for you Sammy." he said. "And I know mom would be too."

Sam nodded apparently at a loss for words, so he just hugged his big brother one more time. Dean was saved from anymore sappy emotional crap by a knock at the door. He looked at the clock and realized it was just past noon already. He smiled at Sam and Jess. "That should be Cas now." he said heading to the door. He found Castiel standing nervously on his doorstep, in the nicest shirt he owned, Dean knew because he'd bought it for him.

"Hello Dean." he said.

"Hey Cas," Dean said. "Come on in."

Dean led Castiel into the living room where Sam and Jess were waiting. Dean could see how nervous he was and he touched his elbow reassuringly before they entered the room. Sam stepped forward immediately and took Castiel's hand in a friendly handshake.

"Hey Castiel." Sam said. "I'm Sam, it's nice to finally meet you."

"Finally?" Castiel asked.

"Well, I've heard so much about you from Dean. Seems like you're all he's been talking about these last few months." Sam said, ignoring Dean's threatening look.

"I hope Dean told you good things." Castiel said glancing at Dean before continuing. "I've certainly heard a tremendous amount of good things about you."

"Of course they're good things Cas, there aren't any other kinds of things to talk about." Dean said.

Castiel smiled at Dean and was surprised a moment later when Jessica stepped forward and hugged him gently. "It's great to meet you Castiel." She said.

"That's Jessica." Dean said happily. "Sam's fiancée"

Castiel looked between Jessica and Sam. "That's wonderful." He said. "It's wonderful to meet the two of you and thank you for letting me enjoy the holiday with your family."

"It's no trouble." Sam said. "Any friend of Dean's is a friend of ours."

There was still some time to kill before they were to leave for Bobby's so Sam, Dean and Castiel piled onto the couch while Jessica claimed the armchair. They sat for a while just chatting, Dean caught up with Sam and made sure to include Castiel in the conversation every chance he got. Dean was waiting for the inevitable, for someone to ask Castiel what he did for a living and he was read to jump in the moment it happened, but it never did. Dean was grateful and by the look on his face, so was Castiel. It was nice to see Castiel looking a little more comfortable as time wore on. Dean knew how nervous he had been to meet Sam and it warmed his heart to see them getting along so well, his two favorite people in the world.

Dean had lost track of time and before he realized that they were all late Dean's phone rang, it was Ellen. Demands were made and retribution promised if they didn't get their asses over there on the double. The four of them rushed out to the car, pausing a moment to enjoy the gently falling snow around them.

"Looks like we're having a white Christmas." Jess marveled. "God, I missed the snow."

"Me too." Sam said placing a gentle kiss atop her head.

"Alright lovebirds, we gotta get going, or else Ellen's gonna kicks my ass." Dean said getting into the car.

Castiel rode up front with Dean and Sam and Jess rode in back, hand in hand the whole way. They arrived at Bobby's at two and parked on the snow covered lawn out front. Bobby's house was the only other place he thought of as home besides the Impala. It had been a place of refuge and comfort to him from a young age. He was always grateful when John would send them to Bobby's for the weekend, it was a relief to wander around the large salvage yard, looking at all of the old rusted out cars. Everything Dean knew about cars, he'd learned from Bobby.

The house wasn't much to look at from the outside, it was two stories and may have been painted blue at one time. Now the paint was chipped and peeling and there were junked cars in the front yard. Thirty yards to the right of the house lay the salvage yard overhung by a huge rusted sign reading "Singer Auto Salvage." This had been the place where Dean had spent most of his summers growing up, watching Bobby work on cars and helping him out when he got old enough. Inside the house was different though, all squashy armchairs and cozy fireplace and books everywhere. This place was home to Dean and he was so glad that he could share it with Castiel.

Dean helped Sam carry all of the bags inside where the scent of baked goods filled the house. They lugged everything upstairs to the spare bedroom where Sam and Dean would sleep when they were kids, both squeezing into the rusted full-sized bed. Looking at it now and thinking of he and Sam's burly six foot frames, the bed seemed a lot smaller than it had then. Dean turned to head back down stairs but Sam had sat down on the bed. He looked thoughtful and a little sad and Dean knew he'd been waiting to get him alone. He waited for Sam to speak.

"You think it was a good idea inviting dad?" he asked after a moment.

Dean sighed and joined his brother on the bed. The springs groaned in protest under their weight. "I don't know Sam." Dean said honestly. "I mean I know you're intentions were good, but good intentions don't mean jack when it comes to him."

"Yeah, I just wanted…" Sam hesitated as if he were afraid to continue. "I just wanted us to be a family again."

"I know and maybe we can be. Hell, crazier things have happened, but I just don't want to see you disappointed Sam. I spent my whole life watching that man disappoint you and I won't do it again."

Sam nodded. "Thanks Dean." He said.

"Alright, let's get down there before Ellen sends a search party."

Sam was smiling when they left the room, a sight Dean was relieved to see. Dean had tried not to think too closely on the fact that he'd be seeing his father again, but now at last the information seemed to sink in. A sick sort of panic filled his belly and he considered just taking off, but he knew he would stay for Sam, like he always had. Everyone was so happy to see Sam and there were hugs and laughter and enough to ease Dean's worry. Everyone sat around the fire warming themselves and catching up with each other. Jo was glad to have another woman around close to her age, stating that it was usually a sausage fest around here.

Castiel was welcomed as wholeheartedly as Jess was and Dean could see the flush of happiness in his cheeks. Dean made sure to stick close to Castiel, making sure he felt comfortable, but as Dean was coming back from getting a beer he found Castiel's seat vacant. He looked around the room and was stopped short by the sight of him and Sam peering at something on Sam's phone, laughing together. The world could end right there and that would be the best thing that Dean had ever seen.

"They're really hitting it off, aren't they?" Jess asked, coming to stand beside Dean.

"Yeah," Dean said pleased. "What are they talking about anyway?"

"Eh, dork stuff." Jess said.

Dean laughed. "Sammy is a giant nerd, so that makes sense."

"He's a sweet guy." Jess said.

"Yeah he is."

"Are you two?"

"No," Dean said quickly. "Well not entirely, I mean we're just friends."

Jess nodded understandingly. "I get it." She said.

When Castiel and Sam finally broke apart their little pow wow, Dean headed over and sat next to Castiel. "You see, I told you Sammy would like you." He said.

Castiel blushed slightly. "He was showing me pictures from the muggle Quidditch match they had at Stanford last spring."

"A what match?" Dean asked.

"Quidditch," Castiel said. "It's from Harry Potter."

"Of course Sam would go to that." Dean said. "That guy is the biggest nerd I've ever met."

"He's really cool." Castiel said in Sam's defense.

"And that is the first time those words have ever been spoken about my brother." Dean said.

"Well, it's true."

"Hey, as long as he's not cooler than me, I'll be fine."

"Of course not Dean, your reputation remains intact." Castiel said and Dean laughed.

A moment later Bobby sat down in the chair across from the couch where Castiel and Dean sat. "How's it going?" he asked.

"Good." Dean said. "Thanks for having us all over."

"My pleasure." Bobby said. "It's good having you boys under one roof again."

"Yeah it is."

"So, Castiel." Bobby said. "How'd you get saddled being this idjit's friend anyhow?"

Dean considered taking the reins, not wanting Castiel to feel uncomfortable trying to explain their relationship, but he answered quickly and calmly.

"We met at the grocery store." He said. "We got to talking and hit it off, I guess."

"Aint that sweet. Sounds like every chick flick I've ever seen." Bobby said smiling.

"Wait, you watch chick flicks?" Dean asked, horrified.

"Ellen likes em." Bobby said. "You ever see The Notebook? That was a good one, damn beautiful."

Dean was looking a little like he might implode from shock and Castiel patted his knee reassuringly. "Don't mind him, he's allergic to emotions." Castiel said.

"Hey, liking girly stuff don't make you any less of a man." Bobby said. "I remember this one time at the Mall of America-"

Bobby was cut off by a high-pitched shrieking coming from the kitchen. "Ellen must have seen Jess' ring." Dean whispered to Castiel.

The news spread through the room and soon Jo was hugging Jess and Bobby was shaking Sam's hand vigorously, eyes shining with pride. So much for waiting until everyone was together. Sam looked over at Dean trying to catch his eye amidst all the shouting and congratulations, he saw that Dean was immersed in conversation with Castiel, saw the way he was looking at Castiel and smiled to himself.

* * *

><p>Castiel sat beside the fireplace and enjoyed the warmth radiating from the crackling flames. Dean had gone to try and sneak a bit of pie, though he knew it was all for tomorrow, hoping that with everyone busy fawning over Sam and Jess he'd be able to get by undetected. They'd created a game plan together, if anyone asked it was Sam. Dean thought his plan was fool-proof, despite everyone in the house knowing Dean's affinity for pie. A few moments after he'd left, quietly humming the Mission Impossible theme music, Castiel heard shouting from the kitchen.<p>

"Dean Winchester, get outta that pie, or I swear to God!" the threat was left unfinished, but Ellen's intentions were clear.

Dean returned a minute later. "Busted!" He said dramatically.

Castiel chuckled. "Well, you're not as subtle as you'd like to think you are."

"You wound me." Dean said, with a hand over his heart.

"So what is the plan for tomorrow anyway?" Castiel asked.

"Well my dad should be flying in early in the morning, so that should be awesome. I told Sammy I aint picking him up from the airport. He wanted him here so bad he can get him. Anyway I guess we'll hang out here you know, have dinner, do presents all that stuff. And pie, don't forget the pie."

"That sounds good to me." Castiel said. "And you should stop worrying about your father. Everything's going to be fine."

"Easy for you to say." Dean said, worry clouding his features.

"Well, if things get to be too much for you, you just give the word and I'll get us out. CIA, covert extraction style."

Dean laughed. "Now that doesn't sound like a bad idea. I'm gonna hold you to that." He said. "How exactly would you get us out anyway?"

"I can be very stealthy when I need to be and I've got the reflexes of a cat." Castiel said, glad to see the lines of worry receding from Dean's face. "You'd be surprised."

"I'll bet." Replied Dean still chuckling.

There was silence for a moment before Castiel spoke again.

"Dean?" Castiel asked softly, the jest gone from his voice.

"Yeah Cas?"

"I just wanted to thank you for inviting me here. I mean it's been a long time since I've had anyone to spend the holidays with and it was very kind of you."

"Don't mention it Cas." Dean said. "I mean you're my best friend, that's family in my book and there's no way any friend of mine is spending Christmas alone."

Castiel felt a warmth flush through him that had nothing to do with the fire. He felt tears stinging his eyes and he tried to blink them back. It had been a very long time since anyone had really wanted him. He had guys on the street every night wanting his body, but no one ever just wanted him. His own family didn't even want him and now Dean, sitting there with kindness in his eyes, telling him they're family. He wondered what he had done in his life to deserve Dean Winchester. And looking into Dean's gentle green eyes, he felt something burst forth from deep inside him, the love he'd been trying to fight, to ignore. It hadn't crept up on him slowly, it had slammed into him with all the force of a hurricane, his walls at last crumbling down around him. He felt more vulnerable than he ever had before.

"Dean." Castiel began, so many things yearning to be said. "I-"

Castiel was cut off by a loud rapping at the door. It was late, almost ten and everyone wondered who'd be calling. It was Sam who answered the door, to a tall bearded man. He was stout and had rugged features and something about him seemed familiar to Castiel. The man looked at Sam fondly. Castiel turned to Dean about to ask him who the man was. He stopped short when he saw the look on Dean's face, pure and unadulterated panic.

"Dad?" Sam asked the man, shocked.

"Hey Sammy."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Just wait till next week, it may be cold outside, but it's definitely warming up inside. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **I'm soo sorry this is so later, there was a huge blizzard and my power was out for two days so I haven't been able to get online. I didn't have a lot of time to edit it, so sorry for any mistakes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Thanks.

* * *

><p>Chapter Eight<p>

"But grief makes a monster out of us sometimes . . . and sometimes you say and do things to the people you love that you can't forgive yourself for."

― Melina Marchetta

* * *

><p>"I thought you weren't flying in until tomorrow?" Sam asked his father shocked by his sudden appearance.<p>

"I caught an earlier flight. I wanted to surprise you." John said.

"Well you definitely did." said Sam looking around the silent room for help.

Dean stood, shoving down the avalanche of emotion that threatened to bury him. "Hey dad." he said, trying to be civil.

John looked at him for the first time, fondly. "Hello Dean." he said. "It's good to see you boys, it's been too long."

John did something then that surprised everyone in the room. He stepped forward and pulled Sam into a hug and Sam, shock clearly visible on his face hesitantly moved to hug him back. John let him go, giving his shoulder a squeeze as he did. He turned to Dean and with a hint of uncertainty took a step toward him. Dean considered stepping back, turning away, but he stood still. He let his father wrap his arms around him and suddenly he was five years old again, his father holding him after one of his nightmares, telling him everything would be alright. And back then, he'd believed him with all his heart.

Dean hugged his father back hating the tears that stung his eyes, hating how much he'd missed the man. They parted and Dean looked at John, closely for the first time since he'd entered the house. He looked older, worn out and Dean knew these last few years hadn't been easy on him. He wanted to be glad, to feel like John deserved it, but it just made him feel guilty. Bobby spoke up then, seeing how affected the boys were.

"How ya been John?" he asked conversationally.

"I've been alright." John said. "Hell, I can't believe you're still running this old place."

"I'll run her into the ground, or myself, whichever comes first." Bobby said.

John chuckled. "You aint changed a bit." he said.

"Let's get you settled." Ellen prompted. "We got a room upstairs set up for you."

John nodded and followed her upstairs with his single duffle bag. Once he was out of the room the tension seeped from the room.

"Well that wasn't awkward, or anything." Jo said.

"It's been a long time." Sam said.

"Not long enough if you ask me." Dean said, trying to forget his emotional relapse. He'd sworn to himself he wouldn't forgive his father for what he did, not that easily anyway.

"Dean can you at least try to get along with him?" Sam asked exasperated. "We don't need you two at each other's throats for two days."

"Why don't you tell him that?" Dean snapped. "In case you forgot it was him who started every fight we ever had."

"I know." Sam said.

Dean felt a hand on his arm, warm and reassuring. He turned to see Castiel looking at him with his beautiful sad eyes and he relaxed, some of his anger leaving him.

"Don't worry, I'll be nice." Dean said, conceding.

"Thank you." said Sam relieved.

John reentered the room a moment later, he stood in the doorway looking uncertain. Dean taking pity on him gestured to one of the chairs. "Pop a squat dad, Sammy's got some news for you." he said. "You want a beer?"

"No thanks, I quit the stuff." John said. He moved and sat in the chair and as if on cue everyone else sat back down. "So what's this news?"

Sam pulled Jess into a one armed hug. "Dad I'd like you to meet Jessica." he said. "My fiancée."

John looked at Sam in disbelief. Dean sat back for a moment, watching the information sink in. John stood slowly and held his hand out for Sam to shake. Sam took his hand and Dean could see pride in John's eyes and love, two things Dean had never seen from him.

"Sammy." John said, voice hoarse with emotion. "I spent so long looking at you as a child, worrying about you, but looking at you now. You're all grown and I feel like I- like I missed something."

"It wasn't your fault dad." Sam said.

John nodded, but the guilt was there in his eyes. "Your mom would be so proud of you, I know she would. I'm proud of you too Sam and Dean." John said looking at Dean where he thought he wouldn't be seen. "I know I haven't been there for these last few years, and that's my fault. I know that, but I'd like for things to be different now. If that's alright with you boys."

Sam smiled. "Yeah, that'd be good."

John turned to Jess. "It's wonderful to meet you." He said giving her a hug. She looked at Sam surprised, having been told that John Winchester was a lot of things, but affectionate wasn't one of them. Sam just shrugged.

"It's nice to finally meet you." Jess said. "I've heard so much about you."

"I'm afraid to ask what you've heard."

Jess laughed. "Only the best." She said.

Dean made his way into the room again and handed John the beer. "If we're doing intros, I got someone else for you to meet." Dean said.

"Oh yeah?" he asked looking around the room. John's eyes fell on Castiel for the first time.

"This is Castiel." Dean said moving to stand beside Castiel, who'd just gotten to his feet. "He's a good friend of mine."

John smiled and shook Castiel's hand. "It's good to meet you. And I can't imagine you've heard anything good from Dean." He said giving Dean an amused look.

"It's been kind of a mixed bag." Castiel said honestly and John laughed, actually genuinely laughed, a sound Dean had not heard in a very long time. Not since his mother died.

"Well, let's add a few more good things to that bag. Shall we?"

"Amen to that." Ellen said raising her beer.

They sat around the fire sharing bland, but pleasant conversation. Dean spoke to his father civilly, but neither mentioned what was really on their minds. It was just nice to see his father sober and happy for once, Dean didn't want to ruin it, but he knew that eventually they would have to talk about things.

The evening wrapped up pleasantly at around 11 and Dean and Castiel left the house, promising to be back early the following morning.

"Hey you can crash at my place tonight if you want." Dean offered.

"That's alright Dean, I've got some things to do at home tonight." Castiel said, looking distracted.

"Well don't stay up too late man, I'll be over bright and early to pick you up."

"I bet I'm up earlier than you are." Said Castiel with a smirk.

"Ehh, probably." Dean admitted. He looked more closely at him, something was definitely bothering him, but Dean was loathe to pry. "You okay?" was all he asked.

"I'm fine, it's just I have a lot on my mind."

"You and me both." Dean agreed.

"How was it?" Castiel asked directing the attention away from himself. "Seeing your father again?"

"Easier than I thought." He said. "But still not easy."

"He seemed happy to see you both."

"Yeah well, a smile and a hug don't really erase what he did." Dean said bitterly.

"You'll have to talk to him about it." Said Castiel. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah, but it's the last thing I wanna do."

"It'll be good for you. You can't carry all that crap around with you all the time. You have to let it go and this is your chance to do it."

"When did you get so philosophical?" Dean asked, trying to shake the weight of his words.

"I'm very wise for my years." Castiel said wryly.

Dean laughed. "Okay Plato." He said.

The rest of the drive was spent with no sound in the car, but a Zeppelin tape playing quietly on the radio, both of them with plenty to occupy their thoughts. Dean dropped Castiel off at his apartment, promising to be there to pick him up at 9:30. Dean drove home in his father's car, listening to his father's music, wearing his father's coat and wondering how he ever thought he'd got away from him. When he pulled into his drive he cut the engine and just sat there for a while. He dreaded facing his father again, not the man full of pride and love, but the one Dean had grown up with, the real John Winchester.

Dean dragged himself inside and into bed. He lay in the dark for hours, memories of his childhood long since suppressed, coming back to him unbidden. Near dawn it began to snow again in earnest and Dean looked out his window. He found peace in the chaotic turbulence of the flakes swirling outside his window and sleep found him at last.

* * *

><p>Castiel woke just before nine, from a fitful sleep. He leapt out of bed, remembering his taunt to Dean the night before. He got ready to leave as quickly as he could. Just as he was tying his shoes he heard a horn honk outside. He pulled his sweatshirt on, grabbed the poorly wrapped gift he had for Dean and headed outside. The Impala was waiting for him and he hurried to it, eager to get out of the cold. He settled into the warm car a moment later. He looked at Dean and saw the dark circles under his eyes and the weariness in his face.<p>

"Merry Christmas Dean." He said.

"Merry Christmas Cas."

"How'd you sleep?" he asked though he already knew the answer.

"Not great." Dean said. "How'd you sleep?"

"Better than you."

Dean had the appearance of a man headed for the gallows, not one headed to his families for Christmas. Castiel tried to think of something to say, to ease his mind a little, but nothing came to him. So they drove in silence, no music, just the sound of crunching snow under the tires. Dean pulled into the yard in front of Bobby's and cut the engine. He was about to get out of the car when Castiel stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Wait." He said. "Please promise me you'll tell me if you need to leave."

"I will." Replied Dean.

"Everything's gonna be fine."

"Thanks Cas."

Dean got out of the car and before heading into the house he grabbed a garbage bag out of the back seat, clearly filled with gifts. He lugged it over his shoulder and Castiel followed a pace behind him.

"You look like Santa." He commented. "But less jolly."

There was the hint of a smile on Dean's face. "You want me to be jolly, Cas?" he asked.

"No," he replied thoughtfully. "Grumpiness suits you better."

"I'm not grumpy." Dean protested.

"You've been pretty grumpy lately." Castiel said. "I think I'm gonna start calling you grumblebee if you don't cheer up."

Dean laughed at the cheesy nickname. "Alright fine," he said turning to smile at Castiel. "I'm cheerful. You happy now?"

"Yup." Castiel said as they climbed the stairs to the house.

Dean opened the door and walked in, Castiel right behind him. He dumped his bag of gifts under the Christmas tree in the right hand corner of the room. Castiel noticed that it was a real tree, not one of those plastic ones you get at Wal-Mart. And it was weighed down with mismatched ornaments and tinsel. Looking closer he noticed several of the ornaments were handmade.

A moment later Sam enter the room. Castiel saw him before Dean did. "Good morning Sam." He said.

Dean turned from his scrutiny of the tree and smiled at Sam. "Did you see this?" he asked.

"Yeah, I can't believe Bobby actually kept all that."

"Kept all what?" Castiel asked.

"All these crappy ornaments." Dean began. "One year me and Sammy spent Christmas here, I think I was about eight at the time. Anyway it was kinda last minute so Bobby ran out and bought this skimpy little Charlie Brown looking tree, the last one the guy had. But he had no ornaments to decorate it."

"So we decided to make our own." Sam said. "We ended up just spray painting a bunch of bolts and washers red and green."

"It was the sorriest looking tree you've ever seen." Dean added. "But it was good enough for us."

"That's sweet." Castiel said. "Bobby really loves you two."

"Yeah," Sam said. "We were lucky to have him."

Bobby entered the room a moment later. "Speak of the devil." Dean said. "Merry Christmas, old-timer."

"Merry Christmas, idjits." He replied less gruffly than usual. "Everybody'll be down in a minute."

Jo burst through the door a second later. "Merry Christmas." She shouted grabbing Sam and Dean simultaneously into a ferocious hug. She let them go and to his surprise approached Castiel and hugged him as well albeit less forcibly.

He hugged her back gratefully. "Merry Christmas Jo." He said.

"So when are we doing presents?" she asked.

"When everyone's here." Bobby replied as Ellen walked into the room.

"John'll be right down she said and before she'd finished speaking he was walking into the room, looking like he'd got as much sleep as Dean had.

"Morning." John said with a yawn.

"Hey dad. Replied Sam. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine." He said. "Merry Christmas everyone."

The sentiment was repeated back to him in unison by everyone in the room. "Let's get this show on the road." Jo said gleefully a moment later.

"Alright, alright, keep your shirt on." Bobby chided.

Dean grabbed hold of Castiel's sleeve and tugged him over to the corner of the room where they both sat together on the floor. Jo, who had decided to be Santa that year and every year before, or since for that matter, was handing out gifts to those nearest her. Castiel began to feel uneasy, knowing there wasn't a single gift from him under that tree. They had shown him such kindness and hospitality and he had nothing to thank them for it. He was about to bring this to Dean's attention when Ellen called to them from across the room.

"Thank you boys." She said, holding a crystal liquor decanter. "It's beautiful."

"Why'd she thank both of us?" Castiel asked, both relieved and surprised.

"I put both our names on everything." Replied Dean.

"Why?"

"Cause you helped me pick everything out, sides we're a team." Dean said throwing an arm around Castiel's shoulders. "They're hard people to shop for, and you saved me the trouble of having to actually shop."

"Thank you Dean. That was very thoughtful."

Dean let his arm linger around Castiel perhaps a moment longer than necessary, but he didn't mind in the slightest.

"I got something for you too." Dean said pulling a package out of his coat pocket. He handed it to Castiel.

Castiel ripped the paper off to find a small jewelry box. "I thought we agreed not to buy gifts for each other?" Castiel asked.

"You said no buying anything new, only things that were made, or found." Dean said. "Well, I didn't buy this."

Castiel opened the box to see a silver ring nestled among the satin inside the box. He recognized the ring immediately, he had never seen Dean without until now. Castiel looked at Dean touched, but confused.

"It was my mother's." he said in explanation. "She always used to say that angels were watching over me, you know when I was scared, but I never believed her. Until I met you."

"Dean I can't accept this it's-"

"Please Cas, I want you to have it."

Castiel nodded, his heart swelling with love. Thank you, this is nicest thing anyone has ever given me. I'm afraid my gift is a bit more mundane." He said tamping down the emotion that threatened to drown him. He pulled the book he'd wrapped in newspaper from underneath his sweatshirt. He handed it to Dean shamefacedly. Dean unwrapped it and peered at the cover before looking at Castiel. It was a book of poetry by Richard Siken called "Crush."

"I've had this for years." He explained. "Whenever things get really bad, this always makes me feel better somehow. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I thought you might like it."

"I love it Cas." Dean said beginning to flip through the well-worn paperback. "Which one's your favorite?"

"Ummm, Dirty Valentine." Castiel said, hoping Dean didn't get why it appealed to him so much.

A moment later Sam appeared beside them and sat down next to his brother. "Thanks guys." He said holding up a leather planner. "Let me guess, you picked it out?" the last was directed at Castiel.

"I may have." Castiel admitted, hoping Sam liked it.

"I'm glad." Sam said with a smile. "Dean always gets me socks and bad aftershave."

"Ehh quit complaining." Dean grumbled.

"Hey Dean?" Sam asked. "Dad was wondering if you have a minute if he could talk to us. You know."

"Now?" Dean asked.

"I guess."

Dean looked to Castiel, unsure. "It'll be fine." He said.

Dean nodded and got up and followed his brother out of the room to where their father waited for them. Castiel was closest to the door that Dean had disappeared through, but he could only hear an indistinct murmuring from inside. As the minutes passed Castiel could hear the voices grow louder and angrier. He listened for Dean's voice, trying to determine if an escape plan was necessary. Castiel heard John close to shouting.

"I may not have always been there, but I always did my best for you boys." He said.

"May not have been?" Dean asked in disbelief. "You were never there. Who the hell do you think raised Sam? Cause it sure as hell wasn't you."

"That aint fair Dean. I lost my wife and-"

"I lost my mother!" Dean shouted. "And my father, more or less and my childhood, so don't you go acting like you were the only one who lost anything that night."

"Dean it's alright." Sam said soothingly, trying to calm his brother down, but Dean was past the pint of no return.

"No it isn't alright Sam, none of this is alright." Dean yelled. "I was a kid man. I didn't deserve what you put on me, it was too much. And now you think you can just walk in here and everything's fine?"

"Dean I know that I failed you, I failed both of you. Mary died and I couldn't handle it and I should have got help, but I was too stubborn. And I let you carry my burdens and that was wrong, you didn't deserve that." John sounded close to tears. "And if it's worth anything to you, I am sorry, truly I am."

Castiel heard Dean scoff. "Well I'm sorry too." He said resigned.

"I want you both to know that I love you, I know I never acted like it, but I do." John paused for a moment. "The day you left for school Sam, the day you both left, it was like a punch in the gut. I got worse, a lot worse. I thought I'd never see you boys again and it killed me, but I want to make this right."

"I don't know if it can be made right." Dean said. "I just don't"

"I'd like to try, if that's alright with you."

"Fine."

Dean came storming back into the living room a moment later and he walked straight through and out the front door. Castiel was up in a second and following him out into the front yard.

"Dean?" he asked walking up behind him.

Dean turned and looked relived to see him. "Hey Cas." He said. "I guess you heard all that, then."

"Uh, some of it." He admitted.

"Dean are you alright?" Castiel asked.

"I'm okay." Dean said. "Sorry I messed things up."

"You didn't mess anything up Dean, you don't have anything to apologize for."

Dean nodded. I'm glad you're here."

"So am I." replied Castiel. "So, did you want to stay, or am I busting you out of here?"

Dean smiled. "I'll stay." he said. "As long as you do."

"I'm not going anywhere." Castiel said.

"Thanks Cas."

Castiel took a step towards Dean, then another and another until they were less than a foot apart. He was sick of being cautious and afraid, he was sick of always expecting the worst of everyone. He wanted something good for once, he deserved something good. And as he looked into Dean's gentle green eyes, he realized he'd already found something good, he'd just been too afraid to accept it. Castiel wasn't afraid anymore, not with Dean looking at him like he carried the sun in his pocket. He closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders, burying his face in Dean's neck, inhaling deeply and relishing the closeness. Dean's arms encircled him a second later pulling him closer, one of his hands carding through Castiel's hair.

Dean pulled back enough to look at Castiel's face, but he kept his arms around him. "What was that for?" he asked.

"Just because." Castiel said feeling himself blush under Dean's gaze.

Dean was smiling broadly at him, his cheeks were pink with the cold and there were snowflakes caught in his eyelashes. Castiel rested his hand on Dean's cheek, the hand that bore Mary's ring.

"Cas I-" Dean began, his breath catching in his throat.

Castiel leaned in closer, stroking his thumb over Dean's cheekbone. "Dean." he breathed out.

Dean leaned in till their lips brushed and they were sharing breaths. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." whispered Castiel and then Dean's lips were pressed firmly to his own. Soft and warm and so gentle. Dean's hand came up to cup Castiel's cheek. Castiel's lips parted, letting Dean in and Dean's tongue warm and cautious, exploring Castiel's mouth. Dean pulled back a centimeter and nibbled Castiel's lower lip gently.

They were interrupted by the sound of Dean's phone ringing. "Should you get that?" Castiel murmured against Dean's lips.

"Screw em."

"It's probably Sam, or your father." Castiel said.

Dean placed another kiss on Castiel's lips and sighed dramatically before fishing his phone out of his pocket. "Hello?" he asked impatiently.

There was a pause and Castiel could hear Sam's voice on the other end. "Everything's fine Sam, really. We'll be back in a minute."

Sam made his reply before Dean hung up the phone. "Looks like we're needed." he said.

"Duty calls." replied Castiel.

Dean held Castiel a moment longer before letting him go and stepping back. He kept hold of his hand as they walked back to the house, snowflakes swirling haphazardly around them. They entered the house to find the living room strewn with wrapping paper and Sam Jess and Jo curled up in the couch watching "Miracle on 34th St."

Sam looked up when they entered. "I figured you'd be halfway to Mexico by now." He said.

Dean scoffed. "It'll take more than that to get rid of me." He said sitting on the floor in front of the couch, Castiel sat beside him. "Where's dad?"

"Talking to Bobby." Said Sam. "You still pissed?"

Dean shrugged. A little while later Ellen and Bobby entered the room, followed by John. Sam was kicked off the couch to make room for Bobby and Jess offered her seat to Ellen. John took the armchair and they settled back while the snow fell steadily outside. Dean shifted closer to Castiel halfway through the movie and surreptitiously took his hand. He stroked his thumb over the back of Castiel's hand. The day wore on and there was laughter and joy and of course pie. Surrounded and accepted by such kind people, with the memory of Dean's lips warm against his own, Castiel couldn't help but think that this was the best Christmas he had ever had.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **So the explicit rating finally takes effect this chapter. Thanks for being so patient, I hope I did the build-up justice.

* * *

><p>Chapter Nine<p>

"Right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment."

― Audrey Niffenegger

* * *

><p>Spring found Sioux Falls tentatively, the snow and chill lingering into April. Dean Winchester walked out of his apartment into the crisp air and headed for his car. He had an early shift at the garage today and was eager to get the work finished. He had plans that night, dinner with Castiel. He was a little nervous, having planned a romantic dinner. But more than that he had something important to ask him. Dean thought it would be nice for them to take a trip together, though he wasn't sure where yet. He wanted to do something nice for Castiel to thank him for everything.<p>

It had been months since Christmas, since he and Castiel had shared a kiss amidst the snowflakes. Things had only gotten better since then, Castiel trusted him more and more every day and Dean had never felt happier in his life. He whistled tunelessly on his drive to work, a slight worry nagging at the back of his mind. He knew he should tell his family, Sam, Bobby, Ellen and Jo and his father he supposed, but he was hesitant. It wasn't that he was ashamed, or that he thought his family would be angry, he just wasn't sure how to go about doing it.

Sam had always been the one to express his feelings and Dean never seemed to get the hang of it. Sam, of course had to be the first one he called, if he ever got the guts. Dean had always been the macho guy, never fall in love, never any chick flick emotional crap and here he was head over heels for this guy. He was just glad he wouldn't have to see the smug look on Sam's face when he told him. Dean sighed as he pulled into the garage, putting the thought out of his mind as he had a hundred times already.

Dean got out of the Impala and headed inside, waving to Jo on his way into the bay. "Hey Bobby!" he called across the room.

"Hey Dean." replied Bobby. "How are ya?"

"Eh, not bad." said Dean. "I was wondering if it'd be all right for me to take some time off this month?"

"Sure." said Bobby. "How long you need?"

"About a week."

"Vacation?"

"Yeah, I thought me and Cas could take a road trip, or something." Dean said.

"Where to?"

"I don't know yet, anywhere I guess."

"Sounds like fun." Bobby said. "Last week of the month alright?"

"Yeah that'd be awesome." Dean said excitedly.

"Good, well I got a busted radiator cap back here. You think you can handle it, hotshot?"

"I got it." replied Dean.

Glad to have gotten one conversation out of the way Dean set to work vigorously. He hoped Castiel would agree to take the trip with him. He realized in hindsight it probably would have been better to ask Castiel first, but he'd wanted to make sure they could go before he told him. Dean worked through the day with anticipation bubbling in his stomach. He saw Castiel almost every day now and he always looked forward to the minute he'd see him again.

Their relationship had not changed as drastically as Dean would have thought. They still lived apart and Castiel had kept his job. Dean had told him time and time again that he didn't have to do that anymore, that he could stop anytime, but he refused. Dean understood his reasoning, he didn't want to depend on Dean for anything tangible. Afraid of being left high and dry as he had been before. Dean knew that he was looking out for himself and he couldn't blame him for that, he knew that Castiel loved him, but he couldn't deny that it hurt him to know that Castiel still couldn't fully trust him. He tried every day to be the person that Castiel deserved and he hoped that was enough.

"I'm out of here." Dean said to Jo as he headed for the door, his shift finally over.

"It's only 4:55." she replied.

"Yeah well there aint anymore work to be done." Dean said. "Besides you wouldn't rat me out to the old man, would ya?"

"I don't know." Jo said looking thoughtful. "I may be morally obligated to."

"How bout you keep this between us and I'll owe you one?"

"Hmmm." Jo considered. "Fair enough."

"See you around, Jo." Dean said with a smile.

"Later Dean." Jo called after him. "Oh and say hello to Castiel for me."

How Jo had known that Dean would be seeing Castiel that night, he had no idea. Sometimes he wondered if she knew the truth, the way she talked about Castiel sometimes made him wonder. Dean headed out to his car, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he went. He dialed and waited, the phone ringing as he climbed in the car.

"Hello?" came the voice Dean had grown to love so much.

"Hey Cas." Dean said. "We still on for tonight?"

"Of course. Are you out of work?"

"Yeah I just left. I was thinking we could go out to eat, you know fine dining and all that."

"That sounds nice." Castiel said. "When will you be here?"

"Five minutes."

"Alright, I'll meet you out front."

"See you then."

They didn't discuss Castiel taking the night off, it was very rare that either of them mentioned his work anymore. It remained between them though and Dean knew that it weighed heavily on Castiel's mind. They had been together for over three months and they had not yet made love. Dean didn't mind in the slightest, he was prepared to wait as long as he needed to, but he had a feeling that Castiel's hesitancy stemmed from his work.

Dean, punctual as ever pulled up in front of Castiel's apartment exactly five minutes later. Castiel climbed into the passenger seat a moment later. He leaned over and kissed Dean's cheek before settling back into the seat.

"How was your day?" Castiel asked.

"All the better for seeing you." Dean said looking at Castiel starry-eyed.

"You know for someone who hates chick flicks so much, you always sound like you just stepped out of one."

"What can I say, you make a sap out of me Cas." Dean said grinning at him.

"So, where are we going?" asked Castiel.

"Uh, that Italian place on Second St."

"Ooh, I love Italian." Castiel said.

"I know."

Dean didn't catch the pleased look on Castiel's face. They arrived at the restaurant a few minutes later and were promptly seated. Dean had actually made reservations, something he had never done before. Dean ordered a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass. He lifted his and Castiel, bemusedly followed suit.

"What exactly are we toasting?" he asked.

"Us." Dean said.

"I couldn't think of anything better." replied Castiel clinking their glasses together.

They ordered their food and Dean sat biding his time, waiting for the perfect moment. The waiter had just dropped their plates off and Dean looking forward to no more distractions seized the moment.

"I was wondering if I could ask you something?"

"Of course Dean."

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to, I mean if we could-" Dean fumbled over his words and Castiel flushed a little.

"If we could what?" he asked looking suddenly nervous.

"Take a road trip together." Dean finished lamely. "I mean I thought it'd be fun to take a trip you know, but I'm kinda afraid of flying so I thought we could drive. Only if you want to though."

Castiel laughed, seemingly relieved. "And where are we taking this road trip?" he asked.

"Anywhere you want."

"Well, I have always wanted to see the Grand Canyon."

* * *

><p>It was a little past noon and the Impala was roaring down U.S highway 61. Castiel had his feet up on the dashboard and Judas Priest was blaring from the speakers, Dean was singing along, badly. Castiel faked a wince as the song ended. "Don't quit your day job."<p>

"Hey, I have an awesome singing voice, I'll have you know." Replied Dean slightly miffed.

"Of course Dean, you have the voice of an angel."

"Damn right."

There was silence in the car again. Castiel looked out the window out into the far reaches of the desert that stretched out before them. The sun shone brightly overhead and the desert seemed to shimmer with heat despite the imminence of sundown, the horizon appearing hazy and indistinct. It was beautiful from inside the comfort of the car, the sands varying shades of grey and red in alternating bands. There were mountains off in the distance and Castiel wondered what they'd look like up close. He watched as the shadows began to lengthen and the brilliant colors of the desert began to dim somewhat.

He closed his eyes against the setting sun and leaned his head against the back of his seat. He opened his eyes and looked over at Dean. He'd driven nearly the whole way, saying he didn't mind, that he liked it. He did seem happy, the soft light of the setting sun warming his features and making his eyes shine in the dying light. Castiel smiled to himself, he loved watching Dean when he was driving. He tapped the steering wheel in time with whatever song was playing, often singing along himself, and he looked like a kid on Christmas.

Dean caught Castiel looking and blushed slightly. "Whatcha looking at Cas?" he asked bashfully.

"You." Castiel replied simply.

Dean shook his head with a laugh. "Well, we're almost there so you'll have better things to look at pretty soon."

"Hm, I doubt it." Castiel said with a smile.

Dean's blush deepened. "Since when are you so sappy?"

"Since now." Castiel said. "You must be a bad influence on me."

Dean chuckled. "I've heard that one before."

"I'll bet you have." replied Castiel "How much further is it anyway?"

"We're about an hour outside of Tuba City, from there it's an hour and a half. I figure we can stop there for the night and head out early in the morning."

"Alright." Castiel said excitedly. "You know when I was a kid I had this picture book of the seven natural wonders of the world and the Grand Canyon was always my favorite. I loved the colors, you know, I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I tore all of the pictures out of the book and hung them up on my walls and I always said I'd see it one day, but I never thought I really would."

"I'm glad we're doing this Cas," Dean said. "And I bet you it'll be better than those pictures."

"I know it will be."

For the next hour there was little to be heard in the car save for a collection of the greatest hits of mullet rock. They entered the city after dark and drove through looking for a hotel. After a half hour they were about to stop and ask for directions when Castiel spotted a sign for a Red Roof Inn. Gratefully Dean headed for it, tried from a long day of driving.

Dean approached the check in desk. "Can I get a room please, two singles?"

"I'm sorry." said the harried looking women behind the desk. "All we have left is a double."

Dean sighed, and turned to Castiel wearily.

"That will be fine, thank you." Castiel told the woman.

Dean handed her a credit card and a moment later she handed him a key card. "Alright, enjoy your stay."

"Thanks." Dean said.

They headed upstairs immediately, too tired to bother with the bags. Dean unlocked the door, walked to the bed and collapsed on top of it.

"You know I could drive too, that way you wouldn't be so tired." Castiel said.

"I like driving." Dean said.

"Whatever you say."

Dean sat up on the bed and began kicking his shoes off and tugging his t-shirt over his head. "You sure this is alright Cas?" he asked. "I could sleep on the floor you know."

"It's fine Dean." Castiel said. "You're not sleeping on the floor."

Castiel was aware that it was odd for a couple to be hesitant to share a bed, he was also aware that they were not a typical couple. Castiel still found it difficult to be vulnerable with other people, which meant he was hesitant to be with Dean in that way. Not that he didn't want to, it's just he wasn't ready yet and Dean understood that. He had been incredibly patient and accommodating. It was different having someone so kind and loving, something he wasn't accustomed to.

Castiel began undressing, the room sticky and hot despite the air conditioner in the room, which seemed to be blowing out lukewarm air. Dean lay back on the bed in his boxers, seemingly already asleep and Castiel turned out the light before gently climbing into the bed beside him. He lay on his back, listening to the labored hum of the air conditioner and a second later he heard movement beside him.

"C'mere Cas." Dean said, apparently still awake.

Cas scooched over to him and Dean pulled him into his arms. Castiel lay his head on Dean's chest as Dean stroked his hair. "Goodnight Cas." he said placing a kiss on the top of Castiel's head.

"Goodnight Dean." replied Castiel snuggling closer despite the warmth in the room.

Castiel lay in Dean's arms, lulled by the steady rhythm of his heart. He was asleep in minutes. Castiel awoke the next morning alone in the bed to the sound of the shower running. He sat up rubbing his eyes feeling more rested than he ever had. The shower stopped running and Dean exited the bathroom a moment later wearing nothing but a towel wrapped loosely around his hips. Castiel tried not to stare, but Dean was soaking wet, the muscled planes of his chest glistening.

"Mornin' sunshine." Dean said with a grin.

"Good morning." Replied Castiel trying not to stare.

"Shower's all yours." Deans said conversationally as if he had no idea the effect he had.

"Uh sure." Castiel said tearing his eyes away from Dean's perfect body.

He got up from the bed and headed straight into the bathroom, a cold shower was exactly what he needed. Castiel stood under the chilly stream of water, trying to clear his head. He showered quickly and was grateful to see a large stack of towels on the counter. He wrapped one around himself and exited the bathroom to find his bags on the bed and Dean nowhere to be seen. He'd gone out to give Castiel some privacy.

Castiel had just finished getting dressed when he heard a knock on the door. He answered it wondering if it was a hotel employee. He was surprised to find Dean grinning at him, holding two coffees and a paper bag.

"I got some breakfast." He said. "You hungry?"

"Yeah." Castiel said. "You know you don't have to knock, this is your room."

"Just making sure you were decent." Dean said entering the room and dropping his bag on the table and unloaded some bagels and a few muffins He sat down and began scraping cream cheese onto one of the bagels. "Didn't want to offend your delicate sensibilities."

Castiel scoffed. "Yeah okay." He said sitting down across from Dean and grabbing a banana nut muffin.

"So, you ready to feast your eyes on one of the seven natural wonders of the world?" he asked through a mouthful of bagel.

"I was born ready." Castiel replied.

"Hell yeah." Dean said holding his hand up for a high five.

Castiel slapped his hand and they both laughed.

"What are we waiting for then, let's go." Dean said.

Dean leapt out of his chair grabbing his coffee and leaving his half-eaten bagel behind. Castiel followed Dean out to the car. They piled into the Impala and Dean was off like a shot, not wanting to waste a second of the day. It was an hour and a half long drive from Tuba City to the entrance to the Grand Canyon National Park and Dean appeared determined to do it in half the time. Castiel handled the directions, reading from a map he'd got at the information kiosk at the hotel.

"Make a left up ahead." he said after about forty-five minutes. Dean turned a corner onto a street crowded with cars. On the right side of the street they could see a sign fashioned from sandstone blocks bearing the engraved words "Grand Canyon National Park" along with the National Park Service logo. They waited in a line of cars that moved sluggishly up to a few wooden toll booth structures. At last they made it to one of the buildings and Dean paid their entrance fee.

"This is gonna be awesome." he said excitedly as they entered the park. "I haven't been here since I was a kid."

"I didn't know you've been here before." Castiel said surprised.

"Yeah me and Sammy and my dad came here when I was eight. We took a pack mule ride to the bottom and my mule kept farting, just letting go, like gale force. Sammy thought it was hilarious."

"Oh my god." Castiel said laughing. "You rode a farty donkey."

"Yep." Dean said. "You ready, or what?"

"Yeah." Castiel agreed as Dean drove along, looking for a place to park. At last they were parked and they both climbed out of the car and headed for one of the nearby trails.

"So where do you want to go?" Dean asked.

"Um," Castiel pondered. "The north rim."

"North rim it is." replied Dean.

They walked through a heavily wooded area, following the trail that, according to the map would lead them to the north rim. Dean leaned over and took Castiel's hand as they walked, lacing their fingers together. It was another ten minutes before the trees began to thin and they started seeing open ground. The ground began to slope upward and the earth under their feet became sandier. Castiel felt a pulse of excitement when he caught sight of a sign pointing them in the right direction. It was a few more minutes until they passed through the last of the scrubby underbrush and came upon a series of low wooden fences.

And beyond those fences, a sheer drop of over 6,000 feet. They walked straight up to the fences and peered down into the canyon, unfathomably deep and breathtakingly beautiful. The rough stone walls of the canyon shone red in the morning light, the appearance of flames climbing the canyon walls. Castiel looked down at the Colorado River, snaking through the canyon, it's waters glittering in the sunlight. It was the most beautiful thing Castiel had ever seen, no picture could ever do it justice.

"It's beautiful." Castiel whispered reverently.

"Yeah." replied Dean, but he was not looking at the canyon. His gaze was fixed lovingly on Castiel's enraptured face.

Castiel blushed and turned away shyly. Castiel nudged Dean with his elbow. "Who's the sap now?"

Dean held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Guilty." he said with a lopsided grin. "So, is it everything you expected?"

"It's better." Castiel said. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and pulled him close.

Dean held him tightly, stroking his hair. "Hey Cas?" he whispered against the shell of Castiel's ear.

"Yeah Dean?" asked Castiel pulling back a few inches.

"There's something I wanted to tell you." Dean began, sounding nervous.

"Then tell me."

"It's just I've never done this before, I don't really..." Dean trailed off with a sigh, looking at his feet.

"What?" Castiel asked and Dean looked at him, looked at him in a way no one ever had.

"Cas these last few months have been the happiest of my life, I mean you- you make me happy. I am so lucky to get to spend every day with you and I don't want to ever stop." Dean paused, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Castiel wondered what he was trying to say, because he was really not making any sense.

Dean took a deep breath and took both of Castiel's hands in his own. "I love you Cas." he said, his green eyes sparkling with warmth and tenderness. "I love you more than I can even believe."

Castiel was dumbstruck. He knew his own feelings and he'd thought he'd seen more than just affection in Dean once or twice, but this. This was something he had not been expecting, sure he'd heard the words before, but never before had he truly believed them. His heart lifted with a joy he had never experienced, he wasn't sure if he were going to laugh or cry. He placed a hand on Dean's cheek.

"Dean I have never known anyone as gentle and kind as you are. You befriended me when most others would've scorned me, you accepted me for exactly what I was and never tried to change me. I never thought I'd be able to trust another person again, but you proved me wrong and I am so grateful to have you in my life." Castiel stroked a thumb over Dean's cheek bone. "I love you Dean, more than I ever thought I could."

Dean laughed joyfully and at the edge of the world pulled Castiel into a kiss, deep and tender and full of love. They parted both of them grinning like a pair of fools. Dean threw his arm around Castiel.

"C'mon. Let's get closer." Dean said excitedly.

* * *

><p>They spent several hours exploring the canyon edges finding the vantage points with the best views. At around three, they agreed to head out and grab something to eat. They stopped at an In n Out Burger just outside Tuba City. They drove as they ate and Dean looked longingly out into the desert.<p>

"You know," he said through a mouthful of cheeseburger. "I've always wanted to just drive into the desert. Not for good, just drive out until I couldn't see the road anymore, lay on the hood and just look up at the stars."

"That sounds nice." Castiel said.

"Not corny?"

"A little, but I like it." said Castiel. "Why don't we do it?"

"What? You mean right now?"

"Why not?" asked Castiel. "We have a full tank of gas and look at all that desert out there, just waiting for us."

"You're serious?" Dean asked incredulously.

"You're damn right I am."

"Alright then, let's do it."

Dean turned off the road at a perfect right angle and drove straight out into the desert, making sure to keep an eye on how many miles they'd gone. Ten miles from out the dark concrete of the road appeared indistinct and hard to see. Dean cut the engine and got out of the car. He walked around and sat on the hood of the car, Castiel joined him a moment later. Together they sat and watched the desert bled dry of its color by the setting sun. Dean had left the car on axillary power and Bad Company's "Feel like Makin' Love" could be heard through the open windows. Castiel disappeared for a moment, reappearing carrying the afghan that had been in the trunk. He spread it out on the ground in front of the car.

"This'll be more comfortable." he said sitting down on the blanket.

Dean joined him there a second later, putting an arm around him and pulling him close. Castiel rested his head on Dean's shoulder and Dean placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head. They sat like that for a while, neither saying anything, nothing needing to be said.

"This was a good idea." Castiel said, looking appreciatively at the sun streaked sky.

"You think?"

"Yeah, this whole trip was a good idea, thank you."

"I'm glad you're happy Cas." Dean said.

"I'm always happy with you." Castiel said, leaning in for a kiss.

Dean kissed him back, relishing the feel of his warm, slightly chapped lips on his own. Castiel deepened the kiss, running his tongue along the seam of Dean's lips and Dean let him in. Dean was a little surprised, Castiel hardly ever took charge like that, but Dean would be lying if he said he was complaining. Castiel rested a hand over Dean's heart and ran one through his hair, tugging a little. Dean moaned softly into Castiel's mouth and Castiel pulled away, looking at him.

"C-Cas." Dean said a little breathlessly.

With deliberate slowness Castiel reached for the hem of Dean's shirt and began tugging it upward. Dean stopped him with a hand on his wrist. "Are you sure?" he asked, mirroring his words of months before.

"Yes." Castiel said firmly.

Dean let Castiel remove his shirt, sighing as Castiel ran his hands down Dean's chest. Dean reached out and helped Castiel out of his shirt, pulling him in for another kiss. He slid his hands down the taught muscles of Castiel's chest, relishing the feel of smooth skin under his calloused palms. Dean gently laid Castiel down on the blanket, the sand warm beneath their bodies.

Dean looked down at Castiel laid out before him and his breath caught in his throat. Never before had he seen anything so beautiful in all his life. He reached down and popped the button on Castiel's jeans, he unzipped them, the rasp of the zipper loud in the silence of the desert. He tugged Castiel's jeans down over his lean hips and tossed them aside. Dean kissed a trail down Castiel's stomach, running his tongue over his hip bones. Castiel let out a muffled moan that sent shivers down Dean's spine.

"Dean." He said in a strangled whisper.

"I got you Cas." Dean said.

Castiel sat up and began removing Dean's jeans, his hands shaking. Both of them stripped to their boxers, Dean covered Castiel's body with his own, kissing him deeply. Dean could feel Castiel's erection, hot and heavy against his own. Castiel bucked his hips, grinding their cocks together, eliciting a gasp from Dean.

"Do you have?" Castiel asked, not needing to finish the question.

Dean sat back on his heels and searched for his jeans in the light of the Impala's headlights, the only source of light in the now darkened desert. He found them and pulled his wallet from the back pocket. He found the condom and packet lube he'd stored there about a month ago, just in case. He returned to Castiel and rested his hands on his hips for a second, as if asking permission. Castiel bucked his hips into Dean's touch and it was all Dean needed.

Dean slipped Castiel's boxers down over his hips, his cock springing free and lying heavy against his thigh. Castiel looked up at Dean with such vulnerability that nearly took Dean's breath away. He ran his hands up the length of Castiel's thighs, spreading his legs gently. He tore the packet of lube open and coated two of his fingers. Dean knelt between Castiel's thighs and looked up at him.

"You ready?" he asked hoarsely.

"Yes."

Dean pressed one of his fingers against Castiel's entrance, circling the ring of muscle before pushing the digit inside. Castiel groaned audibly as Dean began thrusting his finger in and out. Castiel's breathing became ragged and his thighs trembled as Dean added a second finger. He scissored them, stretching Castiel open. Castiel moaned desperately thrusting himself down onto Dean's fingers. Dean peppered kisses onto Castiel's inner thighs as he fucked him open.

Dean added a third finger and Castiel moaned, writhing under Dean's touch. Dean finger fucked him, opening him up, hungrily watching his fingers disappear into Castiel's greedy hole. "Dean," Castiel gasped after another minute. "Dean, please. I need you."

Dean's cock twitched at the need in Castiel's voice and he pulled his fingers out of Castiel before removing his boxers. The cool night air hit his cock with a sting that was more pleasure than pain and then Dean was fumbling with the condom, tearing it open with his teeth, rolling it on and spreading the remainder of the lube over his aching cock. He lay between Castiel's thighs, pausing a moment to drink in Castiel's appearance, mussed hair, sweat soaked skin, he was gorgeous.

Dean lined himself up and slowly pushed inside. He groaned as Castiel's tight heat enveloped him deliciously. He leaned down and captured Castiel's mouth in a kiss, drinking down his moans. He pulled out and thrust back in with one swift movement. Castiel wrapped his arms and legs around Dean and bucked up into Dean's thrusts. Dean quickened his thrusts, fucking Castiel into the warmth of the sand beneath them. Castiel cried out as Dean angled his hips, hitting that sweet spot on every thrust.

"Oh Dean, right there!" Castiel moaned out.

Dean leaned down for another kiss, open mouthed and hot. "You feel so good." Dean groaned against Castiel's mouth.

Dean gripped Castiel's hips and fucked into him harder, the only sound for miles the wet slap of skin on skin and ragged breathing. Dean felt the hot coil of pleasure low in his belly and knew he wouldn't last much longer. He reached out and took Castiel's cock in his hand, stroking him in time with his thrusts. Castiel held Dean tighter, anchoring himself and riding the waves of pleasure.

"Dean, I'm gonna-" Castiel moaned against Dean's throat.

"Come for me Cas." Dean said, leaning back to look Castiel in the eye.

Castiel obliged, coming with a shout and painting their stomachs with his seed. Dean stroked him through his orgasm as Castiel's walls tightened and fluttered around him, sending him over the edge. He thrust into Castiel once more balls deep and came with a hoarse groan. Dean rolled off of Castiel, bonelessly and discarded his condom in the sand beside him. Dean pulled Castiel into his arms, holding him as the sweat cooled on their skin as the temperature dropped around them. They lay in each other's arms for a while longer, the sand still warm beneath them, holding in the warmth of the desert sun.

"I love you." Dean murmured, placing a kiss onto the top of Castiel's head.

"I love you more." Replied Castiel and Dean could feel him smile against his neck.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **So sorry for this one being late, this winter is kicking my ass. Anyway, I got some schmoopy stuff for ya today. I hope ya like it. Thanks for reading,

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><p>Chapter Ten<p>

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

― Dr. Seuss

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><p>Castiel stretched languorously in bed with a sigh. Never before had he felt such contentment in his life and it was a new and not unwelcome feeling. He climbed out of bed and headed into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and grabbed the bowl of leftover American chop suey Dean had made the night before. Castiel had been spending more nights at Dean's since their trip to the Grand Canyon. Dean had also been hinting around them moving in together. There was still a touch of reluctance in Castiel, he wasn't ready to give up his independence entirely and the last thing he wanted was to be a burden on Dean.<p>

Castiel headed for his armchair with his cold pasta, having no microwave to heat it up with. He sat and thumbed through an old Ray Bradbury novel and ate his lunch. He couldn't wait to see Dean that night, they were having dinner at Bobby and Ellen's and Dean had told him he planned on breaking the news of their relationship to them. He hadn't told Dam yet either, or his father, reluctant to have such an important conversation over the phone. Castiel hadn't expected Dean to tell anyone about them, he'd figured that Dean was still in the closet and would be hesitant to change that. He was glad though, glad that whatever happened, or whatever Castiel had done in his past Dean never seemed ashamed of him. It was one of the things Castiel loved most about him.

Castiel had his fork halfway to his mouth when he heard a knock at the door. Wondering why Dean would be so early he put his book and bowl on the floor and went to answer the door. He opened the door to see a man standing with his back to him. He was a little shorter than Castiel and had medium length dirty blonde hair. "Hello?" Castiel asked.

The man turned and recognition hit Castiel like a punch in the gut. "Gabriel?"

"Hey little brother." Gabriel said, his golden eyes shining in the sunlight.

"What are you doing here? How did you find me?" Castiel asked looking around with mounting panic.

"Don't worry, I'm the only one here and you'd think you'd be a little happier to see me." Gabriel said miffed. "Aren't you even gonna invite me in?"

"I don't think that's a good idea." Castiel said moving to block the apartment from Gabriel's view.

"Why? You gotta guy in there? I don't mind." Gabriel said pushing past Castiel into the apartment.

Castiel stood nervously by as Gabriel took in the dilapidated state of the place. "Meh, I've seen worse." he said simply, collapsing into Castiel's chair.

"What are you doing here?" Castiel reiterated.

"I wanted to see you, is that so hard to believe?"

"A little." admitted Castiel. "Last time I checked no one in the family was speaking to me."

"I thought you'd stopped trying to lump me in with them." Gabriel said standing and facing Castiel. "You really thought I'd never want to see you again?"

Castiel said nothing, but the truth was in his eyes.

"Cas, you're my brother. I don't care what you put your dick in, nothing's gonna change that. Sides I knew way before Luci wrote that letter."

"You did?" Asked Castiel shocked. "How?"

"I'm not blind, or stupid." Gabriel said.

"Alright, that doesn't explain what you're doing here, really."

"You don't get it do you? You just took off, you didn't leave a number, or address. Dad called me and told me what happened and I couldn't believe it. I looked for you, but I had no way to find you. Do you know how worried I was?"

"I-I thought you-"

"You thought I'd be like them?" Gabriel asked in disgust. "That I'd turn my back on you?"

"Well, yeah."

"When have you ever known me to take their side over yours, hell Cas you're the only part of this family I like, you were always my favorite."

"I didn't know." Castiel said. His head was spinning, he'd never thought he'd see any of his family again, thought that they all hated him. It was hard to wrap his head around, but there Gabriel stood looking at him with love, looking at him like he was family. "I'm sorry."

Gabriel pulled Castiel into a tight hug, filled with relief and warmth. "I'm just glad you're alright. I mean you are alright, aren't you?"

"I'm fine." Castiel said. "I mean it hasn't been easy, but I'm getting by."

"Well, I wanna hear all about it. The good, the bad and the ugly."

"Well, there's plenty to tell." Castiel said, wondering if Gabriel knew what he was getting himself into. "How did you find me anyway?"

"I never stopped looking."

Castiel's phone began ringing and he looked at Gabriel apologetically. "Do you mind?"

"Go for it." Gabriel said sitting in the armchair and lifting Castiel's book from the floor, perusing it idly.

"Hello?" Castiel said into the phone.

"Hey Cas." Came Dean's voice from the other end. "How are you?"

"Um, fine." Castiel said.

"We still on for tonight?"

"Yes, uh, I think so." Castiel said glancing at Gabriel apprehensively.

"You okay, you sound a little funny."

"I'll explain later." Castiel said.

"Okay, I'll pick you up around seven."

"Great."

"I love you." Dean said softly.

"I love you too." Castiel said, blushing under Gabriel's curious gaze.

Castiel hung up the phone and waited for the inevitable.

"Ooh hoo, now who was that?" Gabriel asked, eyebrows raised.

"Dean." Castiel said.

"Do we have a man in our life, little brother?"

"Maybe." Castiel said not meeting his brother's eyes.

"What's he like, do I get to meet him?"

"Do you want to?" asked Castiel surprised.

"Hells yeah." Replied Gabriel. "I gotta make sure he aint a creep."

"I can assure you, Dean is not a creep." Castiel said with a laugh. "I actually think you'll get along with him."

"Aww, you're in it deep aren't you?" Gabriel crowed delightedly. Little Cassie's in big love!"

"Alright." Castiel said blushing further. "None of that when he gets here."

"He's coming here tonight?"

"He's picking me up at seven, we're having dinner with a friend of his."

"I can't wait to meet them." Gabriel said with a smirk.

"Oh no, you're not inviting yourself along this time."

"Too bad, I just did."

Castiel heaved a long suffering sigh. "Typical." He huffed out.

"I know, I know, I'm the worst." Gabriel said understandingly. "Now how bout you fill me in on what you've been doing all this time."

"It's a long story." Castiel said, hesitantly.

"We've got time."

With a sigh of resignation, Castiel began to speak.

Dean stared at his phone accusingly, as if it had done him some wrong. He knew he had to make this phone call, but he really didn't want to. Not that he thought Sam would have a problem with his and Castiel's relationship, just that he'd prefer to do it face to face. He really did have to tell him, the dinner he was planning at Bobby's that night was to let everyone there know. Dean knew if Sam found out that he had told Bobby first' he'd be hurt, thinking Dean couldn't trust him with it. With a sigh Dean dialed his brother's number.

"Hey." Sam said a moment later.

"Hey Sammy." Dean said with faux bravado.

"What's up man?"

"Nothing much I just, uh…" Dean trailed off.

"Just what?" Sam asked.

"There was something I kinda wanted to talk to you about." Replied Dean. "You got a minute?"

"Of course Dean. What is it? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing like that, it's just. I wanted to tell you that uh… me and Cas are, you know, um…dating now and stuff." Dean said, feeling like he was in high school, or something.

"Wait, you're dating Cas?" Sam exclaimed. "Since when?"

"Uh, Christmas."

"Dean that's great." Sam said happily. "He's really cool and I know he'll be good for you."

"Wait," Dean said surprised. "That's it? You're not surprised, or anything. I mean I never told you I was into guys before, so…"

"Yeah well, it wasn't really hard to figure out, plus as long as he makes you happy then I'm happy."

"Really?"

"Yeah Dean." Sam said with a laugh. "He does make you happy right?"

"Yeah, he does. I uh, I love him ya know."

"Is this the same Dean Winchester who told me that love was just a chemical imbalance telling me he's head over heels?" Sam asked and Dean was glad that he couldn't see the smug expression on his face.

"Ah shut up, will ya?

"Yeah sure, it's just I saw this coming a mile off."

"You did not." Dean protested.

"Are you kidding me? You were mooning over him all night on Christmas and you gave him mom's ring. I'm not blind you know."

"So what, he could have just been a really good friend."

"Yeah sure." Sam scoffed.

Dean heard Sam talking to someone on the other end and then he heard a shout of excitement.

"What was that?" asked Dean.

"Oh I told Jess." Said Sam. "She's so happy for you guys and she's glad you finally had the guts to tell him how you felt about him. She'd proud of you."

"She knew too?" Dean choked out, feeling his face redden.

"She knew before I did, like the second we walked in the door."

"Huh, well tell her I said thank you." Dean said.

"So does this mean I'm putting you down for two at the wedding?" Sam asked.

"I guess it does, smart ass."

"Good." Replied Sam. "Did you guys tell Bobby and everyone yet?"

"Actually, I was gonna tonight. We're having dinner over there."

"Jo's gonna flip, she loves Cas."

"Well she and I have that in common."

"So uh." Sam said a little more somberly. "Are you gonna tell dad?"

"I don't know Sam." Dean admitted. "I guess so, probably the next time I see him. I mean I'm not gonna lie to him, but I don't think he's really earned a call, ya know."

"Yeah, I get it." Sam said. "Listen I gotta run, but I'm really glad you called me Dean and tell Cas I'm happy for you guys okay?"

"Yeah thanks man."

"I'll talk to you soon, alright?"

"Sure thing Sammy."

"Bye Dean."

"Bye." Dean answered and hung up the phone. He let out a sigh of relief his face breaking out in a joyous grin. That had gone so much better than he had expected and he knew that the dinner that night would go just as well. He leapt up from his chair and grabbed his coat, eager to see Castiel and tell him what Sam had said.

Dean whistled a jaunty tune as he headed out the front door of his apartment. The days were getting longer, it was nearly seven and still light out. The drive to Castiel's was short, for which Dean was grateful. He pulled up outside Castiel's apartment and got out of the car. He was still whistling when he knocked on the door. The door opened to reveal not Castiel, but a handsome man with angular features and eyes the color of sunlight through a glass of whiskey. Dean felt his heart drop.

"Who are you?" he asked with a little more force than was probably necessary.

"Name's Gabriel and you must be the famous Dean Winchester I've been hearing so much about."

Dean stood confusion flooding through him and was relieved when Castiel appeared at the door a second later. "Don't be a pest Gabriel." He said with exasperation. "Sorry Dean, come in and I'll explain everything."

Dean entered the apartment and stood looking between Castiel and Gabriel.

"This is Gabriel," Castiel said gesturing to the man who stood smirking at him "My brother."

"Your brother?" repeated Dean, confused.

"Yes and believe me I'm just as surprised to see him here as you are."

"I thought none of your family was talking to you."

"So did I."

"Uh," Dean said turning to face Gabriel. "Nice to meet you."

Dean held out his hand, but Gabriel ignored it pulling Dean into hug. "Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug." Gabriel said.

Dean stood awkwardly patting Gabriel on the back. "Brothers?" he asked shooting a questioning glance at Castiel, who didn't look surprised in the least at Gabriel's behavior.

Gabriel let him go at last. "I've heard all about you. We're practically brothers-in-law, aren't we?" Gabriel asked.

"Um." Dean said, nothing else coming to mind.

"Ignore him." Castiel said, blushing scarlet. "He's just being an ass."

Gabriel gasped dramatically. "Rude."

"So, uh did you want to call and cancel with Bobby?" asked Dean.

"It's cool, bro." Gabriel said throwing an arm around Dean's shoulders. "I'm coming with."

"Gabriel." Castiel chided.

"I mean its okay with me." Dean said. "I'm sure Bobby and Ellen won't mind."

"Great!" Gabriel crowed. "It's settled then, let's go meet the fam."

Gabriel sauntered out the front door and left Dean and Castiel staring after. "Is he always like that?" Dean asked.

"You have no idea." Replied Castiel, his eyes haunted by the horrors pf having Gabriel for a brother.

"This should be interesting then." Dean said heading out the door.

Gabriel was standing beside the Impala, looking her over with an inquisitive eye. "She yours?" he asked Dean.

"Yup." Dean said proudly, expecting an expression of awe, or compliments to his taste. Instead Gabriel shouted "Shotgun!" as he hopped into the front seat. Dean glanced at Castiel, getting ready to protest.

"It's fine." Castiel said, before climbing into the backseat.

Dean got into the driver's seat and started the engine. He looked over at Gabriel who was now sifting through his tape collection, a look of befuddlement on his face. "This all you got for tunes?"

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason." Replied Gabriel airily, shoving the tapes back into the glove compartment.

The drive to Bobby's was made in silence, save for the crinkle of candy wrappers as Gabriel pulled a seemingly endless supply of snacks from his pockets to much on. "So." He said through a mouthful of snickers. "How long you lovebirds been dating?"

"Uhh, since Christmas." Replied Dean.

"Do you love my brother?" Gabriel asked, turning his full attention on Dean.

Dean tried to focus on the road, not sure if Gabriel was joking, or not. "Um." He said, floundering. "Yeah."

"Um, yeah?" Gabriel scoffed. "Looks like you got a real keeper here." He said to Castiel.

"Can you behave like an adult for five minutes?" Castiel asked, irritated.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes." Said Castiel. "Just be nice, alright?"

"Fine." Agreed Gabriel pouting.

At last they pulled up in front of Bobby's. Dean cut the engine, hoping things didn't go as badly as he expected. He got out of the car and headed for the door, wanting to get a chance to explain things before Gabriel charged in, but no such luck. Gabriel was on his heels the moment he stepped out of the car. He knocked on the door a moment later.

Jo answered, a look of surprise on her face when her eyes fell on Gabriel. "Oh hello." She said. "I didn't know you were bringing a guest."

"Neither did we." Castiel said apologetically. "This is my brother Gabriel. He paid me a surprise visit today and I couldn't leave him back at my place and it was too short notice to cancel. I hope this is alright."

"Sure." Jo said. "The more the merrier."

Dean headed inside, finding Bobby in his usual recliner. "Hey Bobby." He said.

"Hey kid, how are ya?"

"Eh not bad," replied Dean as Gabriel wandered into the living room. "Uh, this is Cas' brother Gabriel. Hope there's room for one more."

"Always is." Said bobby getting to his feet. He held his hand out to Gabriel. "Nice to meet ya."

Gabriel shook his hand. "Howdy." He said grinning broadly. "My brother's been telling me all about you."

"Has he?" Bobby asked surprised.

"Oh yeah." Gabriel said. "Thanks for keeping an eye on him for me."

"Well, it's been our pleasure." Ellen said walking into the room. "Hi, I'm Ellen."

"Hello." Gabriel said, kissing her cheek warmly.

"You boys hungry?" Ellen asked. "Supper's ready."

"Yeah, thanks Ellen." said Dean.

Dean turned to Castiel as he headed for the dining room. "I forgot to tell you, I talked to Sam today." He said happily.

Castiel's eyes widened, knowing what Dean meant. "How'd it go?"

"Awesome, he and Jess were over the moon. Apparently they already kinda knew I liked you and they're really happy for us."

"That's wonderful Dean." Castiel said, smiling. "Your brother is such nice guy."

"Yeah he is." Dean said proudly. "Now, let's get in there, I'm starved."

Castiel and Dean entered the dining room. When he caught sight of him, Castiel motioned for Gabriel to sit beside him, so he could try to keep an eye on him, but he ignored him, keeping his seat between Ellen and Jo.

They sat down to a pot roast and homemade mashed potatoes. Ellen's home cooking always reminded Dean of his mother and he loved having dinner there. Dean ate his dinner, occasionally shooting nervous glances at Castiel. They had talked about the conversation Dean had planned to have tonight, but Dean wasn't sure if it was such a good idea anymore. He was still making up his mind when Jo piped up.

"So why'd you wanna get together tonight?" she asked. "It sounded important."

Dean swallowed a mouthful of potato. "Uh, there was something I wanted to tell you guys."

"What is it honey?" Ellen asked.

"Nothing crazy, just me and Cas." Dean paused looking to Castiel for strength and trying to ignore the knowing look on Gabriel's face. "We're kind of...together." he finished lamely.

Dean looked up from his lap a moment later, looking into the faces of the people he'd made his family, looking for anger or disgust. Ellen was smiling, Bobby looked mildly surprised, Jo less so.

"Like we didn't already know." Jo said with a laugh.

"You knew?" Dean asked surprised. "All of you?"

Ellen shrugged. "You aint that subtle." she said.

"She has a point." Castiel said.

Dean looked at him, feeling slightly betrayed. "I wasn't fooling anyone I guess, Sam said the same thing." He said. "How long have you known?"

"Since Christmas." Jo said.

"We didn't even get together till Christmas." Dean said.

"Yeah, but your crush could be seen from space." Jo said emphatically.

Dean felt warmth spread over his cheeks. "Pfft, whatever." he scoffed.

"Aww, he's adorable." said Bobby.

"Isn't he." Castiel agreed, giving his knee a squeeze under the table.

Dean blushed deeper, refusing to look at Castiel. "Bobby didn't know." He said grasping at straws. "Right?"

"I had a hunch." admitted Bobby. "You really aint that subtle."

Dean heaved a dramatic sigh. "Well, alright then." He said dramatically. "There goes the life of crime I've always wanted, I guess I can't hack it."

"Sorry, honey." Said Castiel, patting his hand reassuringly.

"Aw, c'mon." Jo chided. "Don't be a baby, it's cute."

"Super cute." Gabriel agreed nodding emphatically.

"You tell Sam and your dad yet? Asked Bobby, ignoring all the nonsense, as he usually did. "They'll be glad to hear you're settling down."

"Sam knows and I was planning on telling dad the next time I see him." Dean said, not ready to have that conversation with his father yet. "Sides if I'm as obvious as you and Sam say, he probably already knows."

With the difficult conversation out of the way, dinner progressed in a more relaxed manner. Gabriel continually making lewd comments accompanied by a suggestive wink and lascivious grin. Castiel met every comment with a long suffering sigh, but seemed good humored about it all. After a couple of beers, Dean started to warm up to Gabriel. He could see how much Gabriel cared about Castiel and it made him happy, he was glad that Castiel still had some family looking out for him.

Dean was sitting in Bobby's old armchair while Castiel helped Ellen clean up in the kitchen. He was alone in the room, quietly sipping his beer when Gabriel walked in and collapsed on the couch. He looked at Dean searchingly for a moment. "Is he okay?" he asked.

Dean thought for a moment. "I don't know if he's a hundred percent okay, but he's better than he was six months ago." said Dean. "I mean it hasn't been easy for him, you know."

"I know." Gabriel said, his face serious for the first time all night. "What he's had to do, what he still does... I mean that's my little brother."

Dean nodded understandingly.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." replied Dean.

"Why does he still do it? Why does he still live in that shit hole? I mean are you okay with that?"

"Hell no. I've asked him a hundred times to move in with me. I've told him he doesn't have to do that anymore and I think he believes me, but not all of him. He's been screwed over too many times and I don't think he'll ever trust me a hundred percent. I want him home safe with me at night, but I can't force him to do anything, I just have to hope he knows how much I care about him and be there for him, you know." Dean finished speaking feeling a little embarrassed. He wasn't used to spilling his guts to anyone, let alone complete strangers. "I just want him to be happy."

"I get it." Replied Gabriel knowingly. "I mean growing up with our parents, trust issues are a given."

"Do you still talk to your parents?"

"Nah, I haven't since they kicked him out and you know what the messed up thing is?" Gabriel asked, continuing without waiting for an answer. "They don't care, they don't feel guilty, or regret it. They are totally fine with cutting their son out of their lives and not just them my brothers and sister too. I just don't get it."

"Some people don't understand what family is about. They think it's just some people you share blood with, but it's different. Family don't end with blood and you don't ever turn your back on family, period." Dean said. "I mean my dad refused to speak to my brother for years, cause he wanted to go to college. I mean that's your son and your pissed cause he doesn't wanna join the family business, instead of being proud of him for what he's done."

"Your dad sounds about as fun as mine." Gabriel said.

"Oh yeah, he's a real piece of work." Dean said. "But he's trying to do better.

"I just wish he had told me where he was going, left a number, or something."

"You found him though, that's what counts right?"

"Yeah, I just hate that he thought I'd be on their side." Gabriel said. "That I wouldn't accept him. I mean if anyone in this family is depraved and indecent, it's me."

Dean laughed. "I know the feeling."

Castiel walked into the room then, looking between them curiously. "You two getting along in here?" he asked.

"Famously." Answered Gabriel.

"Well, good." Replied sitting beside his brother.

"You staying in town tonight?" Dean asked Gabriel.

"Probably, speaking of got any good hotels around here?"

"Eh screw that, you can stay with me." Dean said. "Family's family."

Gabriel wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "I'm touched, I've been accepted into the Winchester bosom."

"Yeah, stay as long as you like, just don't say bosom again."

Castiel laughed and Dean was glad to see him looking so happy.

"So what are we doing tonight to celebrate, strip joint, bar crawl? I'm game for anything." Gabriel said rubbing his hands together excitedly.

"Celebrate what?" asked Castiel, afraid of what the answer might be.

"The return of the prodigal son, of course."

"Uhh, I don't think so."

"C'mon, don't be a loser, let's go clubbing."

"Yeah that's not really my style, besides this town isn't really known for its nightlife."

"Jeez, you didn't learn anything in college, did you?" Gabriel said, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Apparently not."

Jo stuck her head into the room just then. "There's pie if ya'll want some."

"You're damn right I want some." Dean said getting to his feet. "I'll leave you to two to discuss this very important issue." He said to them, hurrying out of the room with a gleam in his eye.

Gabriel shot Castiel a questioning look as Dean left the room. "Dean loves pie." Was the only explanation he offered.

Castiel ended up driving them home that night, Dean having gone a little overboard with the pie and getting a bit of a stomach ache. The whole way home, clutching his abdomen in pain he maintained that it was worth it. Castiel got them home and put Dean to bed before fixing the couch up for Gabriel to sleep on. It was odd for him seeing his brother again, but not unwelcome. Truth be told he had forgotten how much he'd missed him and he liked that Dean had the chance to meet him, as Castiel had already met Sam.

After Castiel finished making his bed, Gabriel flopped down onto the couch, bouncing a few times as if testing it. A moment later he nodded satisfactorily, apparently finding everything to his liking. He lay back on the couch, settling into the squishy cushions. "It's good to see you again, Cas." He said.

Castiel smiled, it wasn't often that Gabriel showed emotion, or became sentimental, he was like Dean. "It's good to see you too." He said. "And thank you."

"For what?"

"For not giving up on me."

"It's gonna take more than you dating tweedle-dee in there for me to give up on you." Gabriel said.

"I heard that." Dean called from in the bedroom, clearly disgruntled.

"Sorry honey," Gabriel called. "I still love you."

"Love you too." Dean called back.

Castiel laughed. "Should I be worried about you two?"

"I promise I won't steal your man." Gabriel said solemnly, holding up three fingers. "Scout's honor."

"Good, now get some sleep."

"Yes sir." Said Gabriel giving a mock salute. "Though I doubt you'll be getting much sleep." He added with a wink.

Castiel rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He headed into the bedroom to find Dean sprawled out on the bed in his boxers. "Hey hot stuff." He said in his most seductive voice, which ended up sounding pretty corny.

"Hey." Replied Castiel with a laugh. "What are you doing?"

"Seducing you." Dean said as if it were obvious. "Jeez, get with the program."

"Oh, sorry let me just get all aflutter over here."

"That's more like it."

Castiel undressed while Dean watched him, an eyebrow raised. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed. Dean was on him in an instant, kissing his neck and chest, running his hands over any part of him he could reach. Castiel was a little taken aback, he grabbed Dean's hands before they could get him in trouble.

"What are you doing?" he hissed.

"I thought we already went over that."

"I thought you were kidding."

"Hehe, nope." Replied Dean leaning in for a kiss.

Castiel pulled back. "My brother is right out there." he said.

"So what."

"He'll hear us."

"Your point is?"

"My point is we're going to bed." Castiel said firmly.

"Yeah you're right." Dean said. He leaned in to whisper in Castiel's ear. "I guess you didn't want me to go down on you tonight then."

Castiel leaned back and looked at Dean's face, saw the hunger in his eyes. A flame of passion licked its way up his spine at the sight. He licked his lips indecisively. "We have to be quiet." He whispered.

"Discretion is my middle name." Dean said, once more kissing Castiel's neck.

"I thought your middle name was Michael."

Dean didn't dignify that with a response and instead moved lower, trailing kisses down Castiel's stomach. He reached the waistband of Castiel's boxers and dipped his tongue inside. Castiel clenched his fist, his breathing coming a little faster. Dean smirked and pulled Castiel's boxers down over his slender hips, revealing his half-hard cock.

Dean shifted a little, settling between Castiel's thighs. He nuzzled the inside of Castiel's thigh, placing a soft kiss there, savoring the sharp intake of breath he heard. He looked up at Castiel deliberately as he ran his tongue up the length of his cock. Castiel bit his lip to keep from making any sound, but then Dean's mouth was on him and he couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips.

Dean took Castiel into his mouth, feeling his cock grow harder against his tongue. He hollowed his cheeks and sucked, impressed when Castiel made no sound. He stroked the base of Castiel's cock while he bobbed up and down on his length, running his tongue along the shaft. Castiel's breathing was ragged now, the muscles of his thighs fluttering with every pass of Dean's tongue.

Castiel's hips bucked upward involuntarily and Dean planted both hands on his hips, holding him down. Dean pulled off of Castiel's cock, taking him in hand and stroking him. He brushed his thumb over the head of Castiel's cock, pressing against the slit, eliciting a soft groan from Castiel. Dean grinned triumphantly up at him, but Castiel was too far gone.

"Dean, I'm gonna-" Castiel rasped out, trying to keep his voice down, but failing.

His eyes were glassed over with pleasure and need and he was trembling from head to toe. Dean took Castiel into his mouth again, drawing him deep into his throat. He worked his tongue up and down Castiel's shaft, feeling his cock twitch. He looked up into Castiel's eyes, saw him biting his fist to keep from crying out. He pulled Castiel deeper, till he was almost choking on his cock. With a shudder and a barely restrained moan, Castiel came down Dean's throat. Dean swallowed Castiel's seed hungrily,

Dean pulled off of him, Castiel's spent cock lying heavy against his thigh. He crawled up to him and Dean kissed him, and Castiel could taste himself on Dean's lips. Castiel reached down and cupped Dean through his boxers.

"Your turn." He whispered, gripping Dean's hard length.

"You know," Gabriel called from the living room. "I could've got the same thing at a hotel, and at least it wouldn't be awkward in the morning."

Castiel gave Dean an "I told you so face," before rolling them over, covering Dean's body with his own. Dean couldn't find it in himself to care.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Had some time off this week so I was able to crank out another chapter. Now lets see if we can get this baby back on track. I've got some good ol' angst for ya today. Sorry but I just couldn't help it. Anyway enjoy, thanks for reading.

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><p>Chapter 11<p>

"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."

― F. Scott Fitzgerald

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><p>Castiel awoke in Dean's arms, warm and safe. He looked at Dean, still sleeping beside him. He looked so peaceful, Castiel didn't want to wake him. He watched him a moment longer before Dean's eyes fluttered open. Dean smiled at him sleepily.<p>

"Mornin sunshine." He said.

"Good morning." Replied Castiel. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good." Said Dean. "We should probably go check on Gabriel." Said Castiel. "Make sure we didn't scar him too badly last night."

"Yeah, that was my bad." Dean said. "Sorry bout that."

"Yeah, I'm paying you back for that later by the way."

"I can't wait."

Dean chuckled and kissed Castiel's cheek. "I bet."

Castiel rolled his eyes and threw back the covers. He climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and t-shirt. He headed out into the living room to check on his brother. He found Gabriel sitting on the couch yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"Morning Gabe, want some coffee?"

"That sounds awesome." Replied Gabriel.

Castiel headed into the kitchen and put a pot of coffee on. Dean wandered out of the bedroom, pulling a shirt on. "Hey hot stuff." Gabriel said waggling his eyebrows.

Dean shook his head, blushing a little. "Hey man."

Gabriel yawned exaggeratedly. "Jeez I couldn't sleep last night, you know, I think one of your neighbors was filming a gay porno last night, or something."

"Yeah sorry bout that pal." Dean said sheepishly.

Gabriel laughed. "No problem." He said. "I've been there."

Castiel appeared in the doorway a moment later. "You guys want some breakfast?" he asked.

"Yeah," Dean said. "I'll help you."

He followed Castiel back into the kitchen. He cracked a few eggs into a bowl while Castiel laid some bacon in a pan. They cooked in silence for a few minutes, sharing kisses and smiles every so often. Dean finished cooking and set the table.

"Hey, breakfast is ready." Dean called, pouring coffee into three mugs on the table. He spooned the eggs onto the plates and then some bacon.

Gabriel walked into the kitchen a second later, covering his eyes. "You guys aren't doing it in here, are you?"

"No." replied Castiel, exasperated.

"Good." Gabriel said, uncovering his eyes and entering the room. He sat down at the table and grabbed a mug of coffee. He then proceeded to pour an obscene amount of sugar into it. "So time for some embarrassing stories about Cassie, or what?" he asked.

"Um how about no." Castiel said unamused, sitting beside his brother.

"How about hell yes." Dean countered gleefully, taking a seat beside Castiel at the small table.

"What about the time at horse camp." Gabriel began.

"Gabriel, no!" Castiel warned, but Gabriel continued unheedful of his brother's warning tone.

"You remember right? When you were in that horse show, or something. There were like fifty people in the audience and you were supposed to walk the horse around and you tripped." Gabriel started laughing and almost couldn't finish the story. "And when you were down there the horse peed all over you? Now that was hilarious."

"No it was not funny." Castiel said, glaring at his brother.

"It was like a fire hose." Gabriel said.

"Oh my god." Dean said, laughing so hard he could hardly breathe. "That's awesome."

"It wasn't funny." Castiel repeated.

"When did you go to horse camp?" asked Dean.

"When I was ten, I loved riding horses when I was a kid."

"Yeah he was a regular Seabiscuit." Gabriel said.

"Seabiscuit was the horse, you ass." Castiel told him gruffly.

"Whatever." Replied Gabriel taking a swig of his over sweetened coffee.

"So what are your plans for today?" Asked Castiel. "Besides annoying me that is."

"I gotta spilt pretty soon." Gabriel said. "Got some stuff I gotta take care of, but I aint leaving here without your number and a sworn statement that you're gonna keep in touch."

"I promise, I will."

"I'll make sure he does." Dean offered.

"I'll hold you to that."

Castiel shook his head with a laugh and tucked into his breakfast. They talked about a myriad of things over breakfast, joking and laughing. Castiel had to admit he was going to miss Gabriel when he left. Though he was pretty sure it wouldn't be so long before he saw him again. Halfway through breakfast Gabriel had whipped his phone out and saved both Castiel's and Dean's numbers into it, telling them he'd come back and visit again soon. After breakfast Dean and Castiel set to work clearing the table and doing the dishes, while Gabriel gathered his things together.

Gabriel came out into the kitchen as they were finishing up. "Well, I better get going down that dusty trail." He said.

With a pang of disappointment he dried his hands and turned around. "Thank you for coming." He said crossing the room and pulling his brother into a hug. "I really did miss you."

"I missed you too, Cassie." Gabriel said, hugging him back. They parted and Gabriel kept his hands on Castiel's shoulders. "Pick up that phone once in a while, or I'll have to come back here and kick your ass."

"Don't worry." Castiel reassured him. "I'll call."

Gabriel turned to Dean, pulling him into a hug that Dean was much more receptive to. "It was good to meet you." Dean said. "I'm glad you came here."

"Yeah, and I have to say, my brother could do a lot worse."

"Gee thanks." Said Dean.

"You keep an eye on him now."

"I will." Dean promised.

Gabriel grabbed his bag with a chuckle and was still laughing as he walked out the door.

"So," Dean began after the door closed. "That was fun."

"Yeah." Castiel agreed. "It was."

Dean headed into the living room and flopped down onto the couch. "Though I will say, next time he might wanna just get a hotel."

"He wouldn't have to if you could just keep it in your pants for five minutes." Replied Castiel grumpily.

"I can't help it." Dean said with a grin. "You're irresistible."

Castiel laughed and sat beside Dean. "So, what's up for today, you working?"

"Yup." Replied Dean. "Are you?"

"Yeah."

Castiel could see the unease in Dean's expression, the look he always wore when talking about Castiel's work. Castiel sighed. Dean had been so accepting of every part of his life, but Castiel knew that this was something he would never be able to fully understand. He couldn't complain though, not really. There were still reservations he held about Dean, things keeping him from truly trusting Dean, things he was trying to let go of, to get past. Dean however, didn't look like he was trying to get past his reservations, or let go of anything.

"You don't have to worry, Dean."

"I always worry, Cas."

"I don't know why. I've been doing this long enough okay, I know what I'm doing." Castiel explained, as he had many times before.

"But you don't have to."

"What else am I going to do?" Castiel asked skeptically.

"You could come work with me at the garage." Dean said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Jo's gonna be leaving for college in the fall and Bobby's gonna need someone to run the front desk. I told him it should be you and he was on board."

It took a moment for the information to wash over him. He felt distrust and suspicion, constant companions of his, rear their ugly heads. "You got me a job?" he asked, knowing he shouldn't feel as angry as he did.

"Well, yeah." Dean admitted. "I just don't want you to have to do that anymore."

Castiel laughed derisively. "What if I don't want to stop?" he asked angrily. "Did that ever occur to you?"

"Do you?"

"That's not the point. You don't just get to make decisions for me like that."

"I'm not trying to-"

"Save it." Castiel snapped, cutting him off. He got up and faced Dean. "You think I don't know what this is really about?"

Dean stood and took a step towards Castiel. "What are you talking about?"

"I know what you think about what I do, what you really think, it's not that hard to figure out. And if you think so little of my profession, what could you possibly think of me?"

"Cas, I don't know what you're talking about, really I don't."

"You think I don't see it, the look on your face every time I talk about it, when you're not trying to avoid it, or ignore it that is. Disgust, shame, I'm not blind Dean." Castiel spat, all of his resentment bubbling over, every ounce of anger at having never been good enough for anyone spilling out of him.

"Cas," Dean said holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "That's not true, you can't possibly believe that." He said earnestly. "I love you."

"Yeah so you've said, but I've heard that line before."

"Cas, please just calm down for a minute." Dean said. "I didn't want to offend you, I just want you to be safe."

"You say that so often, but your intentions don't matter and I know that's not all there is."

"What?"

"You don't like me being with them, other men."

"Cas I-"

"Don't try to deny it."

"Fine!" Dean shouted, getting angry himself now. "It bothers me okay, the thought of other guys touching you, being with you. I'm not perfect alright, I get jealous like any other guy would."

"Don't pretend this is about jealousy." Castiel snarled. "I'm used goods, I'm run through and you're pissed cause a hundred guys got there before you did."

"That's bullshit!"

"Is it, aren't you even gonna ask how many there have been? Most guys would have by now."

"I don't care how many there have been. It doesn't matter."

"Of course it doesn't matter. Why would it? You know, you can sit there on your high horse and tell me it doesn't matter, but this is my life, so yeah it fucking matters." Castiel shouted. "I know you'd like to sit there and swear up and down that you don't care, that it doesn't matter, but this is a part of my life, a part of me. You can't deny it Dean, or close your eyes and hope it goes away. It doesn't work like that."

"Cas, I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it, really?"

Dean scrubbed a hand through his hair with a sigh. "I don't want to fight with you." He said wearily. "I just…"

"What?" Castiel asked. "What do you want Dean?"

"I want you."

"But not all of me?"

Dean's silence was all the answer Castiel needed. He walked straight for the door without a backward glance. Dean followed him, grabbing him by the elbow to stop him leaving. Castiel wrenched his arm free. "Don't touch me." He spat.

"Cas, please don't go. We can talk about this." Dean begged, but Castiel was beyond the point of listening.

"We have talked about it. You're not gonna change your mind and neither am I so what's the point of beating a dead horse, right?"

"Cas, just stay alright. Please."

"I'm sorry." Castiel said with resignation.

"For what?" Dean asked, though Castiel suspected he already knew.

"We should have known this wouldn't work."

"Cas please, don't go." Dean said and there were tears in his eyes. "I love you."

"Goodbye Dean." Replied Castiel, ignoring the jarring pain in his chest, as if his heart were being ripped in two. He walked past Dean and out the door and Dean made no move to stop him.

Castiel walked home quickly, trying not to think about anything, trying to force it all down and out of sight. He failed however, the look on Dean's face as he had left, the pain there. Castiel felt his eyes sting with tears as he walked and wiped them away angrily. How could he have been so stupid? He kept making the same mistakes over and over again. He promised himself that he would never give anyone the power to hurt him again, that he would never lose his heart. But he had, he had given Dean everything and this is what he got. He should have known better.

Castiel reached his apartment and hurried inside. His phone was ringing as he closed the door, but he ignored it. He threw himself face down on his mattress and wept bitter anguished tears. His phone rang ten times in as many minutes, but he ignored it each time, having no strength to move from his bed. He cried and cried until he had nothing left and then he lay quietly. He wished that things could be different, just this once things could be good. It had been foolish to think that way. Castiel knew he wasn't a person who could have nice things, who deserved to be loved.

His mind wandered back to the dream he'd nursed for so many years now, the one thing that had kept him going through his worst moments. He was still sitting on that same porch in the rocking chair, but the man next to him wasn't a faceless stranger now, it was Dean, smiling sweetly at him. And Castiel realized then just how far he'd let Dean in, there wasn't a part inside himself that Dean hadn't touched, hadn't changed. And now he was faced with a future without Dean, a future without dreams, only memories to keep him warm at night. A loneliness the likes of which he had never experienced descended on him and refused to part.

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><p>Dean watched as Castiel walked past him and out the door. He stared vacantly at the door long after it slammed shut. He walked stumblingly into the living room and collapsed into his chair. A deep ache began in his chest and when he felt the sobs rising in his throat he let them out, shaking and weeping in earnest. He wished he was numb, that he was in shock, he'd give anything not to feel what he was feeling. It was as if the walls of his life were crashing down around him, like he was drowning under the weight of Castiel's words, under his anger.<p>

He couldn't get the look on Castiel's face out of his mind, the betrayal and disgust. His stomach roiled uneasily and he felt like he was going to be sick. Dean tried to stifle his sobs, but they kept coming, tearing their way out of him wretchedly. He laid his head in his hands and tried to breathe, but he couldn't seem to get enough air, every ragged gasp lending no relief. He thought he might actually be suffocating, and the idea didn't seem that horrible to him. He sat for a long time, trying to calm himself, and just when he seemed to get a hold of his emotions, a fresh wave of grief would envelope him. He could not remember feeling this way since his mother had died.

In a frenzy of grief he dialed Castiel's number, desperate to hear his voice, needing to fix this. The phone rang and no one answered, so he called again and again, determined to get through. After the tenth call Dean was realizing that Castiel wasn't going to answer. He dropped his phone to the floor and dropped his head into his hands. It felt like he had been sitting there for hours when his phone rang. Elation surging through him he looked at the screen and saw Bobby's name. With a pang of disappointment he picked the phone up from the floor, remembering that he was supposed to be at the garage half an hour ago. He dried his eyes and answered the phone, his voice hoarse from crying. "Hey Bobby."

"Hey are you alright?" Bobby asked. "You don't sound so good."

"I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't feel so hot earlier and I lied down for a while and I must have passed out." Dean lied. "I can be there in ten minutes."

"That's alright." Bobby said. "It aint that busy here anyway. You just stay home and get some rest."

"I will, thanks Bobby."

"No problem and you say hi to Cas for me, will ya?"

"Sure I will." Replied Dean, a tear slipping down his cheek.

"See ya around."

Dean hung up without a goodbye and began dialing again immediately. There was only one person he wanted to talk to right now. Sam picked up on the third ring.

"Hey Dean." Sam said. "What's up? I thought you were working this afternoon."

"I was supposed to be, I couldn't go in." Dean said.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked.

"I don't think so man."

"What happened?"

"It's Cas, he- he left."

"What?" asked Sam confused. "But you guys were fine yesterday, what happened?"

Dean realized that Sam didn't even know the full truth, not enough to understand what had happened. He sighed. "I never told you where I met him, did I?"

"No, but what has that got to do with anything?"

"A lot." Dean said. "It's just he's had to do things to get by, ya know and they aint been very pleasant. And I don't want you to go thinking he's some kind of junkie, or something when I tell you, cause he's not. He just fell on hard times ya know and he was desperate."

"Where did you meet him Dean?" asked Sam carefully.

"On a street corner down town." Replied Dean.

"What was he doing on that street corner?"

"He wasn't selling girl scout cookies." Dean said. "I told him tonight that I got him a job at the garage, so he didn't have to do that anymore ya know and he lost it. I've never seen him that pissed before and I tried to tell him that I just wanted him safe and happy, but he didn't believe me. He thinks I'm ashamed of him Sammy and I don't know what to do, he just left and I don't think he's coming back."

"It's gonna be okay Dean." Sam said soothingly. "You love him, alright and I know he loves you. Couples fight, they get angry they say things, but you just gotta let things cool off for a while. Give him a few days and call him, explain things to him when he's not pissed at you."

"I don't know, you didn't see him, he- he looked so betrayed and hurt. I promised him from the day I met him that I would never hurt him and I did and now I'm just like all the rest and I feel like such an asshole."

"You're not an asshole Dean, you didn't know how he'd react to the job thing, you couldn't have. You made a mistake and all you can do is try and put it right and hope that he's willing to accept that. But you gotta apologize to him, you have to make him see how much you mean to him man, otherwise he's never gonna be entirely sure of you."

"Do you think he'll believe me?"

"I think it's hard not to see how much you love him and I think the two of you are good for each other." Said Sam gently. "But you gotta be prepared for the worst case scenario Dean. I mean he may not be ready for a relationship and if he isn't then you need to respect that."

"I know, it's just that…I love him."

"I know you do."

"I should go." Dean said. "Sorry to bother you with all this."

"Don't be, I'm your brother Dean. That's what I'm here for." Sam said. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine Sam." Dean lied. "I always am."

"Just promise you'll call and talk to me if it gets bad."

"I will." Dean promised. "Thanks Sammy.

"Take care of yourself Dean."

Dean hung up the phone feeling marginally better than he had before. There was only one person in the world who could, without fail, make Dean feel better when he was having a bad day and that was Sam. Sitting in his chair, still holding his phone, Dean was never more grateful in his life to have Sam for a brother. With nothing to do for the remainder of the day curled up in the chair, refusing to even look at the couch, the couch he'd bought with Castiel in mind, the one where they'd sat together so often, in each other's arms. Hours passed and the sun began to set outside. Dean looked out the window at the darkening sky and he was seized by a fresh paroxysm of grief.

Castiel would be leaving soon and that thought, that simple knowledge was too much for him to bear. He leapt out of his chair and rushed for the door, ignoring Sam's advice completely. The drive to Castiel's took him only three minutes, he was driving dangerously even for his standards. He pulled up outside and jumped out of the Impala. He jogged up the path calling Castiel's name as he went. He reached the door and knocked loudly.

"Cas!" he called through the door. "I know you're in there, please open the door."

Silence.

"Please I'm begging you, just talk to me." Dean cried desperately.

Still nothing.

Dean's legs felt weak and he collapsed onto Castiel's front doorstep. He banged weakly on the door. "Please Cas, please don't do this. I love you." Dean begged. "I love you more than anything, I don't want to lose you. I can't."

Dean wondered if perhaps Castiel had already left, but that question was answered for him when he heard a voice behind him.

"He's not coming honey." It said.

Dean turned to see Sugar standing at the end of the concrete path. He looked at her, saw the pity in her expression and he knew the truth. Castiel was inside and he wasn't coming out, not for Dean. "But I love him." He said, hating the quiver in his voice.

"Sometimes that isn't enough." Sugar replied.

"It has to be."

Sugar shook her head sadly. "If you really love him, you'll do what's best for him. Leave him be."

Dean felt a tear slip down his cheek and he nodded. He got to his feet and wiped his eyes. "Just tell him I'm sorry." Dean said. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I just want him to be happy."

"I'll tell him." Sugar promised. "You get home and get some rest, it's late."

"Look after him." Dean asked her. "Please."

"I will." She promised.

Dean drove home slowly, hopelessness settling in around him and despair creeping into his lungs. He got home and went straight to his bedroom. He collapsed into the bed, clutching a pillow to him that still held Castiel's scent. He lay there for a very long time, but didn't sleep.


End file.
